Anxiety through the roof!

etnasgrl

It's been a while since I've posted in these forums! Life has a way of getting crazy busy, which I guess is a good thing as it keeps me moving forward, without a lot of time to think.

Next month is my six month follow up with my surgical oncologist. During that appointment, she will give me orders to get my first mammogram and ultrasound since being diagnosed. I thought I would be okay....but I'm quickly realizing that I'm freaking the freak out!
I just keep thinking that the other shoe is about to drop and more cancer will be found. It will be more aggressive than my first go round and that will be it, the end of me. (I can be pretty dramatic! LOL!)
I just finished radiation in February and have been on Tamoixfen ever since. I keep praying that the Tamoxifen is doing it's job, but I can't help but be overwhelmed with this recurrence fear. (The mammogram/ultrasound is what triggered it.)
For those of you who have already gone through this, how did you cope? How did you get through your first mammogram after being diagnosed?
I'm hoping that as time goes by this will get less and less scary......but right now, it's pretty dang scary!

cb123

Wow!

Finished up your radiation, I haven't even started. I noticed my lump about Thanksgiving. You're doing great and everything is right on schedule. It's awful waiting for tests but sometimes they come out clean and all the worrying was in vain. You seem to be doing everything right to stop a recurrence. You're doing your job.

I hope it goes well.

cb

PS what I do to alleviate stress in these situations, aside from Valium, is try to get a copy of the test results ASAP. Often my appointment is still 2 or 3 weeks out and I can read results just as well as the next guy. They let me have them once the doc has reviewed them.

ElaineTherese

etnasgrl,

Do you have any anti-anxiety meds? I have Ativan for "emergency use," and it is very helpful in that regard. I'm also on Celexa (for Aromasin-induced moodiness) which has been helpful in calming me down. I guess I'm just a walking billboard of "Better Living Through Chemistry."

I've been through two mammograms since finishing rads. The nurses and technicians were very gentle and supportive. I just tell myself that if they find more cancer, they find more cancer, and I'd rather know than not know. Furthermore, if they find cancer via a mammogram, it will be a local recurrence which is easier to treat than mets. (PET scans -- though they are physically more tolerable than mammograms -- are far scarier because they can detect mets.) Good luck!

etnasgrl

Elaine.....thank you! You gave me a great way of looking at this. I would MUCH rather have a local recurrence than mets, so thank you for putting a positive spin on this. I hadn't thought of it like that and to be honest, it really helped!

No, I don't have any anti-anxiety meds. I really haven't needed them, so I never asked for them. The idea of having a prescription available for "emergencies" sounds good though. Most days, I'm okay....but when that anxiety hits, (usually because I've been dwelling on it for too long!), it's horrible! I get SO nervous and stressed, not fun.
Which doctor would I talk to about it? My surgical oncologist? Medical oncologist? Or my family practice doctor?

etnasgrl

Thank you cb, for the well wishes!

ElaineTherese

etnasgrl,

Any of your doctors can prescribe an anti-anxiety drug. My MO prescribed mine because she's the one I visit the most. In fact, she's always encouraged me to talk about any psychological issues I've had with my treatment. So, she's the one I felt most comfortable with asking. If you feel especially comfortable with one of your doctors, I'd ask him/her. Just say that you've got scanxiety -- lots of patients feel the same as you. In fact, many have to be sedated during MRIs (which are noisy affairs and require you to be perfectly still). Good luck!

LtotheK

Just thought I'd put my vote in for the anti-anxiety meds. I have my MRI and mammogram coming up in a couple of weeks, and I will start medicating next week. I make no apologies! I need those meds, and my tests are the only time of year I use them. A funny: my onco used to give me 30 at a time--I still have a bottle from 2010! I asked for some new ones, and she tentatively asked how many I was using. She gave me a script of 10 instead of 30. It is silly for anyone to be cracking down on that in the cancer arena!