To Share or Not To Share? That's my burning question

laragon_99

I was recently diagnosed with Met B/C to bones/liver. Significant issues are the 7 vertebrae involved. I was first diagnosed with B/C in 2005 and went through surgeries/treatment and 10-years later, here I am. Ugh. I'm too overwhelmed to even explain my overwhelmness - what I'm struggling with is that I haven't been able to tell my friends or co-workers. I have only told my son (26) and my boyfriend at first, then a few weeks later my sister and my 2 Aunts. [I lost my husband 4 years ago to colon cancer, we were 48, so my family has been through the ringer]. I do have a therapist and she says to share when I'm ready. To weigh the pro's and con's to 'telling'. My struggle is "I FEEL fine". I don't look or act sick. Now that I went through the stress and exhaustion of tests, diagnosis and treatment plan, my focus and mental energy is to "stay healthy". I'm on Arimidex and have a once a month injection of Zomeda to strengthen my bones. I feel fine enough.

I haven't told anyone at work (friends, my boss, HR, etc.) because I do feel fine and don't feel my work is being affected. If work is 'normal' life is normal. ;-) My safety zone.

I haven't wanted to tell my family (other than those few that need to know) because I don't want to break their hearts. We've been through so much already with my first diagnosis and my husbands cancer, etc..... I feel like the bad-news-bears, always the bearer of bad news.

I don't want to tell my friends as I live in a very small town. Once one knows, everyone will know. I just don't want people looking at me like they are looking at a ghost - she's going to die. I told one friend last week that I've been having health issues and have a 'chronic disease'. That's as far as I could go. She asked if I needed meals (no, I'm fine) or prayers - I said thanks, I'd love the prayers.

Metastasized breast cancer sounds like a bad ending (if you don't know all the details, which I'm learning) but I can read from this site, there are women living with it for a long time. I plan to be one of them. I don't plan to die anytime soon.

I feel fine and don't look sick, so no-one would know. I don't feel I'm in denial, just Private. I don't need to wave the big pink ribbon flag just yet. I just don't want people worried about me dying - that's my job.

Of course, so much for control - I'm also pretty lonely, don't have anyone to talk to about my fears or grief, or anyone to understand when I just want to cry.

Ugh! Anyone else been in this pickle?

I expect I'll slowly let go and tell people, people who will be supportive and need to know. But, sometimes when I'm with friends, I feel this HUGE elephant in the room and it's really weird.

Thanks for listening. Please let me know how you transitioned and told your loved ones and friends. Or did you keep it secret for a long time?

cb123

I'm not quite there yet but will be in the next few days, you're not alone. Of course like so much of this, it's a personal decision. I prefer not to tell until I have to. Sort of "need to know" basis. People respond differently when they know. Sometimes I just feel like it's nobody's business and I want them to treat me the same way they would have without the knowledge. Maybe later, when they need to know, I might tell them.

I'm in Phoenix if you want to talk. There's also an 800 number to call for support. They're on east coast time, let me know if you want the number.

I'm off to get measured for some prosthetic boobs but will be home after 6.

Big hugs to you.

cb

laragon_99

Thank You CB, you do get it. Yes, the "need to know" is how Im handling it so far. Thanks for understanding. Good luck with your measurements and new boobs. I'm in Cali. Thanks for being there if I need to chat. Ill try to reach you soon.