My daughter just diagnosed with IDC

LoreeJ

Good afternoon,

My 50 year-old daughter has just been diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma & I am so relieved to find this site. I am an RN. I have been reading here & found so much information.

My daughter is divorced, lives with her fiancé & has a 12 year-old son. There is no close family. We have a good, loving mother-daughter relationship. My daughter is intelligent & independent. Last week she called me to tell me she had "lesions" on both breasts & was going for biopsies. She was calm & talked "matter-of-fact," like this was no big deal. I wanted to go with her to be supportive & in case she did not feel well after the biopsies. She said, "No." She wanted to go alone & would be fine. One breast had cysts, non-cancer, were drained. The other breast had 3 small lesions, she had to wait 2 days for the biopsy results. When she got home after the biopsy, she was very tired. I presume the tension of it all. She called me right when she got home to tell me all went well.

The biopsy of one breast came back Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. She called me right when she found out. She said the radiologist was optimistic, as her cancer was "estrogen receptor positive & good for hormone therapy." The radiologist also told her to not go looking on the internet…but I did. However, I do realize that one can become overwhelmed by researching the internet BEFORE seeing the doctors.

My daughter will have an MRI next week. She did not know why she was having the MRI or in what location. Again, she is calm, stating the facts.

At the end of next week she has an appointment with the surgeon, oncologist, radiologist...meeting with them at the same time, as a group. When I heard this, I told my daughter I really wanted to go with her to this appointment. To not say, "No." She said "No." That she would be fine. I explained she would be receiving a lot of information from 3 doctors in a short amount of time. That it is always helpful to have another person there to listen. Nope. She wanted to go alone. She would bring a notebook. I further discussed that most people have another accompany them to doctor visits & procedures.

I have remained calm & supportive with my daughter. I have no idea of the extent of the surgery. I presume that during the surgery, the surgeon will be doing more testing…lymph nodes, etc. Who knows how extensive the surgery will be, or not?

I have helped my daughter through life crises before. She always calls when it gets too much for her. This time? Presently, she wants to go it alone. I would say she is in denial…shock. This is healthy too. Protective. I need to wait until it all becomes reality for her. As for me, I have been going through the gamut of emotions, scenarios. And I admit, it would be helpful to me too, to be included in her treatment, from day 1. Basically, my daughter only has me. Thank you.

LisaAlissa

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter's diagnosis. I think you're right that a second set of ears can be really useful at the sort of consultation appointment she has scheduled. However, she needs to be in control to the extent she can--it's important to control what you can when all is spinning out of control all around you!

So what I would suggest is that she ask the docs if she can record the consultation (with a smart phone or whatever). Most docs are fine with it, and the ability to re-hear the docs later can be very, very helpful. It's easy to become shell-shocked and not be able to take in all of the information presented in such meetings when they are talking about "your cancer!"

If she later wants to let you listen to all or a portion of it, she will have that choice.

HTH,

LisaAlissa

Kiks1

LoreeJ, I went through the same procedure as well but wished I had someone along during the consultation. However, a bc dx is life altering and each one of us deals with the news differently. LisaAlissa's suggestion to have your daughter record the session is a good one. That way you can both review it at a later date. There is also a caregiver's section under support and community where you might connect with others in your same shoes. Perhaps, they can offer more insight.

Tresjoli2

i didn't want anyone with me. As long as i could drive, I much preferred to be alone. I wanted to talk when I wanted to talk, on my own terms. The chemo chair and I went at it alone. My mom and I are tight as can be. I wanted her after treatment and appointments, not during. Everyone is different. You have to be there for her on her terms. Hugs.

LoreeJ

Thank you LisaAlissa!

Great idea the recording. I think she will say this is ok. And so true, she needs to feel some sort of CONTROL, as right now, so early in her diagnosis…no control. She alone cannot fix this one…& she IS a fixer-upper. Again, thank you.

LoreeJ

Dear Kiks!

Thank you for the back-up re the recording. And telling me of the Caregivers section. I am new here & was exploring.

But reading this section gave me so much information on IDC. Her 3 doctor appt. is at the end of the week. I left it with her, my going with her: "To think about it." I will not pressure. Thank You.

JellyK

You are a very good mom - both for how much you care and worry about your daughter, but for the fact that you are allowing her to have control over what she needs to have control over.

You'll both come through this.