relationship

brandford37

Hey guys I'm newly diagnosed with IDC on the 8 of march, March 20 passed was my 37 birthday, I'm doing my surgery April 12... my concern is I haven't told my my family as yet and I haven't told my boyfriend anything as yet I'm so scared he's gonna break up with me if I told him, he's 27 years old we only been together for 10 months now I love him so much and now I'm so scared I'm going to loose him because I have breast cancer. I'm going to tell him a day before my surgery that I'm going to remove the cancer we not living together but we live close by he come by my house everyday so I can't hide it from him.. please someone tell me what to do?

labelle

Breast cancer is a pretty big secret to try to keep from your family and boyfriend. I think you should be honest with the important people in your life and give them an opportunity to be there for you. While BC can change relationships, it is not always for the worse. It is true that sometimes people do disappear, but sometimes they step up to the plate in a big way and our relationships actually become closer and deeper. The decision is yours of course, but you asked and that is my opinion for what it is worth

brandford37

Thank you Labelle appreciate it did you had Chemo as one of your treatment?... that's what I'm worried about most I heard too much bad things about chemo and what it can do to ur body and ur health

MelanieBC

I think you owe it to yourself and your loved ones to be honest with them.

If your boyfriend is the one, he will accept you and be there for you through it all. If he breaks up with you, then you know he wasn't the one.

Cancer can really strain relationships or it can make them stronger.

Hugs to you!

labelle

No, I did not have chemo. Despite having a positive node (found at surgery) my Oncotype test score was low and both cancer centers I consulted said no chemo for me-surgery, RADS and anti-hormonals. However, I've known many people in real life who have had chemo and of course there are many on here. If you need to go down that road, you'll do fine. Some ladies on here have even saved their hair with cold capping (there is a thread about it somewhere). My dad's lady friend had chemo for colon cancer and never even slowed down - she didn't loose her hair either. My SIL had chemo for triple negative BC when she was well into her 60s and did great (although she did loose her hair it grew back quickly)

It is best to take this one step at a time. Many of us with BC don't even need chemo these days, so concentrate on learning what you can about your diagnosis, getting the surgery out of the way and then setting up your treatment plan. IMO this is not something that ought be done alone if you have friends and family. I leaned very hard on my husband during treatment. Pick someone strong and lean. Good advice often seen on here is to take someone with you to appointments. A second set of eyes and ears is a good thing. I was so upset in the beginning I barely heard my doctors. My husband filled me in on what they said later. Others have recorded their office visits, also a good idea, especially if you are going alone.

Kicks

IF he loves you - he loves who you are. IF he dosn't , then there is nothing to base a 'life' on together and FOR YOU, you need to 'kick garbage' to the curb.

You do need to be honest, not just with others but with yourself! Do you want to be loved for who you really are (with the 'good/bad') or a precieved idea of what we have to be to others?

Why worry about a 10 mth 'relationship'? That is a very short time in life. To not be open and honest is not giving him what you should. Would you want him to be facing surgery and him not tell you anything til the day befor e surgery? I doubt it.

IF he is not there supporting you - there is nothing to ever build a future on. The sooner you know that the better.

Age doesn't matter - Hubby and I have been married for 40 yrs - I am 9 yrs older than him.

RESPECT YOURSELF, and ALL lovee ones - be honest - sooner rather than later. 'Treat loved ones as you would want to be treated.

mustlovepoodles

I agree with all of the above. Be honest with your boyfriend. Give him the chance to step up and support you. My DH would be seriously pissed if I had tried to hide something this big from him. I grant you that a husband isn't the same as a 10 month boyfriend, but the concept is the same. If this one is THE ONE, he will want to be fully involved. If he decides he "can't handle it", then he really ISN'T the One. Better to know which he is RIGHT NOW. I think you will be relieved one way or another when you share this with him.

brandford37

Thanks y'all I'm going to be honest with him and tell him everything, if he can't accept me with breast Cancer then we go our separate ways... I keep asking myself why me I have 4 beautiful kids to take care of, I'm still young didn't get to travel the world as yet why me god why me 😢😭😭😭😭

Sjacobs146

brandford37, it's completely natural to ask "why me", the answer is "why not you". This terrible disease can affect any one. When I was first diagnosed, I thought that I'd never feel healthy and good again. A year after treatment, I feel good, and sometimes better than I did before. You got this, and you will make it to the other side.

brandford37

Sjacob146 Thanks hun i hope next year this time I can say the samething as you...