The thought of telling my boss this week is freaking me out

anniekaja11

Hi and thanks for your support. I am having major anxiety about telling my boss that I have to do chemo. So far, I've kept it all to myself at work. I just told him I was having a medical procedure and needed 4 days off for my lumpectomy and he never asked. Next month I'm up for 6 rounds of TCH every Thursday afternoon - and without knowing how I'm going to react to it, I know that I "should" let him know. I've been with the company about 5months, and although I've passed the probation period I don't have a lot of leave but I'm in the health care union and I get full time benefits for 30 hours + week. It'll be fine but I'm so freaked out about telling him. Jeez. Help.

What did you do and how did it go?

octogirl

annie, my situation is/was quite different than yours in that I had worked with my boss for seven plus years at the time of my dx....but I told him what was going on from the start and kept him clued in at each stage, including chemo. I might not have been so forthcoming at first (there were a lot of people I didn't tell) but my husband works for the same employer and while he is in a different department he does see my boss now and then, and I didn't want him to let something slip...

And it went well. He has been one of the more supportive folks out there, though as it turned out I had a relatively easy time of it in chemo and didn't miss too much work. I did have to miss some for doc's apts however, but my job is such that making it up on evenings and weekends is easy (unfortunately for my evenings and weekends). Boss is a cancer survivor (he had it as a child) which might have helped. Even though it had been many, many years since his dx and treatment, there were aspects of what I was going through that he seemed to 'get' more than many folks I felt with.

Good luck!

Octogirl

ksusan

If you have an HR officer, you could talk with that person first so you're clear on your rights. This can make the conversation with your supervisor more relaxing.

TLB140

Tell him because you might get too sick to come to work. He might work with you if you are upfront. I hope chemo goes well for you.

mustlovepoodles

I told my boss pretty early on. I work for a social service organization that serves individuals with developmental disabilities and medically fragile children. I'm the only nurse in the organization, so there is no back up for me.

Initially, my treatment was going to be LX, followed by rads. But then I had issues with the LX, ended up with a serious infection. Then found out I wouldn't need rads, but would need chemo. Foo. It kept my boss in the loop and he was really great. I worked as much as I could--I think I took about 5 days sick leave over the course of 6 months.

And then I needed a BMX. Holy cow. I was afraid that my boss was gonna think I was addicted to surgery, but he was wonderful. We just put my work on hold for about 4 weeks and thankfully, nothing bad happened. If it had, well, they would have just had to deal with it, I suppose. I went back to work at the end of 4 weeks and although I have been fatigued, I've been able to put in my 20-30 hours a week.

You're the only one who knows your boss. I'm always one for telling people on a need to know basis, and your boss needs to know. I second the advise to contact HR first, though, just so you'll know what your rights are. When to talk to your boss, just be matter of fact about it. Tell him what you need and what you expect realistically that you can do. And you never know--chemo may not be so bad for you. It was very doable for me, nothing like you see in the movies.

Take care and good luck to you

ElaineTherese

Hi!

I told my Boss' administrative assistant first, and she told him! Pretty cowardly, but he's a hugger and I didn't really want any hugs at that point (from him). I had to let people at work know my situation because I planned to cut back on some of my responsibilities during chemo. I identified some colleagues who could help pick up the slack, and I let my Boss know ASAP. It worked out fine; I worked at home a lot, performed my primary duties, and got decent performance reviews.

My Boss is a good person, but he's very southern. Lots of syrup and hugs. Ugh. That's why I went through his administrative assistant. Good luck to you!

reflect

Here's a link to the employment section on this site: http://www.breastcancer.org/tips/your_job

You might find it helpful. I told my boss and we got colleagues to cover as needed for the urgent parts of my job, in case I couldn't work. I have had lots of support. It's better to have plans in place in advance. My chemo is different than yours (AC/T) and I have missed some work. I also have a 1 hour commute so that adds to my fatigue. I think you will find your supervisor responds helpfully, maybe more than you imagine.

anniekaja11

WOW! Thank you all for sharing your hopeful experiences. I drafted something in writing today and that helped me get the words and attitude out. I will ask our union rep about us having an HR person - is that what you mean or do you mean to talk to the company HR person?

Well one thing I have is that we have a lot of turnover, even thought I find it a lovely place to work. Another person quit today so they are really short staffed.

Alright, well I think tomorrow will be the day. I have supervision with him at 10 am PST. You all can come with me!

Thanks again so much. I know I'll feel a lot better once I do this. I want to come from a place of strength and I pray that I don't cry or sniffle. I want to say that I hope to go through it without skipping a beat at work and most of the women on my regime worked right through it with some days off for the infusions and a bit of recovery once every three weeks. Because of the ADA, he can't prevent me from using my stay home training days and I have 10 of them! And I have 30 hours vacation now and 5 hours of sick leave and 5 hours flex time. So if I step in with confidence the outcome will be better.

Oh anxiety, go away and don't come back!

Annie

anniekaja11

Thanks Reflect for the link. I found that yesterday and read all the articles.

reflect

Good luck tomorrow Anniekaja! I am sure it will go well and you will feel so relieved to have it done. Let us know how it goes.

Tresjoli2

Since you have not been with the company for a year, you will not qualify for FMLA. Make sure you understand how your disability program is structured and layout a preliminary plan with your boss.

ksusan

I mean an HR person who can do what Tresjoli is describing. Good luck!

NancyD

Definitely get all the info on disability benefits from HR. When I went through chemo, the company I worked for had a great plan that included "intermittent disability" which was perfect. Instead of a usual disability period which is contiguous (all the days together), this allowed me to take them interspersed to suit my chemo days: Two days off every three weeks. I scheduled chemo infusion for Thursdays, went back for my Neulasta shot on Friday, and then had the weekend to recover a bit more.

anniekaja11

Thanks again everyone. No go today. Yesterday a friend of mine stopped me from sending the email and today - there is a bit of a crisis at the clinic with staffing and all the managers were out for the day. He was in his office for about 30 minutes and a disgruntled therapist ran in there all angry. So maybe it is really not the right thing to do - to tell him.

I also learned today from a lawyer at a women's meeting that I don't have to tell them anything, all I have to do is say "I'm out Thursday 4/14 for a medical reason" and they are not even allowed to ask! I can then schedule myself to have take home training days on Friday and 1/2 day Monday. I can then just repeat this as I need. So today, I'm waffling back to privacy, need to know only if it goes bad but, being confident that this doesn't have to all be a crisis. I'll know so much more after my first infusion, according to my MO, that will tell me how it will go in the future. My other infusions might only need a 1/2 day at the lab too. So that's not bad.

Two days off every three weeks - I can do that. I have 10 days of training I can use plus I get 6 sick and 6 vaca a month and I have about 40 hours leave in the bank. At work, we only have long-term disability. I really regret that I didn't sign up for short term disability which was optional but they didn't give us prices and I was freaked out about our budget. Dang. FMLA for me is an option in November.

Do I sound really wacked?

reflect

I'm so sorry your workplace sounds so unsupportive. Are people afraid of your boss? Why did your friend stop you from sending the email?

If it's bad like that, maybe you should do as you said, with medical days off. If you aren't likely to get support maybe that's a good idea. If things change and you need to tell him (or someone) you can do that later. However, ADA only covers you if they know about your disability. Hm.

At my workplace FMLA protects my job (up to 12 weeks in a year, beginning at the time it starts, and resetting at same date) but does not cover any salary. When my sick and vacation runs out, it's unpaid leave.

It'll all work out, because it has to!

Good luck with your decision and with your treatment!

Tresjoli2

you are correct that you do not need to tell your employer. However you do need to be able to perform the essential functions of the job. I don't know how these training days work, but if you aren't well and can't train - what will you do then? Please talk to your HR person, they can help you navigate this.

But, I am an HR person so I'm biased

exbrnxgrl

anniekaja,

You've been given good advice. I am a union member in CA too. I realize all of our contracts are different, but here's how things are with my union contract.

- Because a replacement would need to be found for me, I called my employers HR department to set the wheels in motion. Specifics were not asked and I provided medical confirmation (Doctor only gave approximate length of need for time off). The question of chemo and working were not dealt with, but if I missed work due to chemo, I would have needed to use sick days.

- I chose to tell my direct boss the details of my medical situation, because of the good relationship I had with her. I also wanted to be the one to control info, and not leave it open to rumor and speculation.

-I needed doctors clearance to return, and it had to specifically state that I was capable of performing my duties. However, my employer would have made some accommodation, if needed.

- Most union members have solid rights and protections written into their contract. What happens, with time off, sick day and accommodations is spelled out, explicitly, in the contract.

- Who to tell, when to tell, if to tell co-workers is up to you. I was very open and received nothing but love and support. I work for a very small school district and most employees know each other. I realize I was lucky to have such a high level of support.

Best of luck to you

reflect

Anniekaja, it sounds like you may have enough sick/vac time to cover your time out. If the training time is meant to be used for professional development you might have energy the day of the chemo (if you get steroids) but not likely after that. (You may be different of course). I wouldn't count on it. Better to use sick/vac time. I feel bad that you don't feel safe enough to talk with your boss. It would give you ADA protection.