Should have had the reconstruction

Missbuddist62

I was advised against the reconstruction while still recovering from a double removal by the breast nurses, years later boy do I regret listening . I'm sick to death of being called " sir/ mate" I don't look male even tho I have short hair but it's the Aussie male mentality to look for tits first, so now I'm chasing the self adhesive fake breasts I have seen on TV shows about breast cancer but not having much luck. There self adhesive with little suction cups on them , has anyone else had the problem of being taken for a man etc 

jenjenl

I haven't had experience with those specific ones but I used the prosthetics for about 6 months. I ended up having reconstruction 6 months later. Have you ever considered exploring reconstruction?

glennie19

Sorry you are having that experience. Are you wearing breast forms now in a pocketed bra? I've seen the stick on ones, but have not ever tried them. Hopefully someone else will be along shortly and tell you their experiences with them.

LisaAlissa

Hi Missbuddist62!

I'm sorry you're having trouble. Certainly they can still do reconstruction (not sure if there are financial or timing limitations that are applicable in Australia, but if you still want reconstruction, you might want to look into what would be involved.

But in the meantime you have a lot of different options, if you want to rethink your "look." From choosing "obviously feminine" garments (even while going flat), to wearing one of the many types of breast forms. There are threads here about clothing while flat. For example, this one: "Going flat ... clothes?" includes lots of great links to clothing ideas. It includes a link to a blog by another Australian woman who looks feminine, even while flat.

HTH,

LisaAlissa

BarredOwl

Hi Missbuddist62:

Some here use the Amoena Contact forms, and they are listed as being a nice choice on www.breastfree.org. Here are various related pages from Amoena describing them. The Contact forms come in various profiles (shallow, average, full); shapes (e.g., "S" for symmetric); and in a "light" version (x-out the irritating pop-up thing):

Amoena Contact: http://www.amoena.us/Products/Breast-Forms/Contact...

Detailed Information Page: http://www.amoena.us/Our-Expertise/How-to-wear-Con...

Frequently Asked Questions: http://www.amoena.us/Our-Expertise/How-to-wear-Con...

Find a Retailer (Choose Country: Australia is included): http://www.amoena.us/Store-locator/Find#

You may want to find a local retailer / boutique via that last link that either carries contact forms or will order them for you, and call ahead to make an appointment for a "fitting". I am not sure that you can try on a contact form, but you can at least try on another Amoena product for sizing purposes, and pick out something with a good profile and proportion for you. Wear a favorite form-fitting top or tee to the appointment.

I don't wear contacts, but I have non-stick silicone forms and find that the "shallow" profile (which is supposed to have a more natural "drape" (or droop!)) leaves empty space in the top of my bra cup. Next time, I will get "Average" profile forms to better match my bra cups.

In the US, we need a prescription for bilateral prosthesis to obtain reimbursement for insurance purposes. I called my surgeon's office to ask for a prescription when I was ready to be fitted (they expire after a certain period of time).

The forms are quite expensive. Your compatriots refer to "Medicare" which I think may be your national health care? They have an "External Breast Prosthesis Reimbursement" program that you can look into. There is information here on that program and what is needed to obtain some reimbursement (click on the little "+" signs for more details):

https://www.humanservices.gov.au/customer/services...

It is best to apply available reimbursement to the most expensive type of form you plan to get (i.e., silicone contact).

Good luck!

BarredOwl

okbecca

I just had a bmx March 7, so I'm new to this. But I was flummoxed by the way men reacted at first. Husband and I went to a restaurant we go to every Wednesday night. The owner came over to greet us, then left as quickly as he could. Even the female waitress was self-conscious. I got weird treatment the little bit I was out (this was 8 days post surgery.)

Then, I started wearing what I call the "fluffy" which is a post surgical bra with soft foobs. Doesn't look a bit real to me, but I guess bumps of any sort do the deal.

Then, today, I went out w nuthin on, but a heavy flannel shirt lined with fleece. Maybe the diff is the overall bulk of the shirt. But no one of either sex paid any attention to me. Husband and I went back to the restaurant again this Wed, and things were back to normal.

The restaurant owner goes to a church near mine (the two churches have a lot of people who attend services at both of them, so there's a lot of communication back and forth) and my church has been praying for me, big time. Also, many people in my overall community have been praying for me. Maybe he knew I'd had the surgery.

My husband thinks that I just looked so battered and haggard and that's why ppl reacted that way at first. I wonder if my drains were showing. Truth told, I dunno.

Long story to say that I feel your pain.

I decided that if anybody didn't like me the way I am, then I hoped the doorknob didn't hit them in the rear on the way out. Got really ready for a fight, and then the fight went away. But if it comes back, I'll be even more ready.

I've been thinking about having a t-shirt made that says "Yes. I'm flat. It was them or me. I chose me." and wearing that around. I'm going to make some sort of t-shirt in that gist, just haven't come up with the best verbiage. (Ideas welcome.)

If you can handle it without crumpling, the next time someone addresses you as a man, tell them you had breast cancer and saved your own life by having surgery and that he should be more careful with his mouth because what he said hurts. I'll bet he backs up all the way to Kansas, apologizing every step of the way. If he doesn't, he's not worth much as a person or a man.

Do it for your own self-respect and for the next flatty he runs into.

okbecca

Missbuddhist62, I want to apologize for shooting my mouth off so sharply. I dumped a bit of my own anger, and you don't need that. You need support from your sisters.

As others have said, if you want to have reconstruction, it is probably still possible medically. Also, from the little bit of experience I've had with post-operative fluffies, they are enough to fool men into acceptance, which I guess means that men are easily fooled. :-) TLC has some relatively inexpensive bras with foam forms permanently inserted in the bra. I've been thinking that I may buy a couple, just for ease when I want to go padded.

I plan right now to wear prosthetic forms when I feel like it and to go flat when I feel like it. I think that will depend on the dress and the occasion. That can change, since I have so much to learn about breast-free living. I talk about all this openly with everyone around me, which makes it easier for me to assert myself with strangers, since I'm not tender about it emotionally.

It makes me angry for you that you are experiencing this. But I think it's something that we must all deal with, one way or another. Cancer puts hard choices before us. There is nothing easy about a choice between going flat on the one hand and having multiple surgeries with a high risk of complications in order to have what amounts to a permanent prosthesis implanted on our chests.

I've not talked about this here, but my choice was simplified because I am not a good candidate for extensive surgery. But I would have chosen to go flat, regardless. The idea of putting myself through several surgeries when I don't have to is appalling to me. I don't want any part of any more pain. On the other hand, what you are going through is real suffering and pain, as well.

Don't let them get to you Missbuddhist62. It's my nature to react to this kind with shock at first and then, if it continues, become assertive with those who do it. But that's just the way I am. Has nothing to do with anyone else.

littleblueflowers

Girl, yes. I hear you. I get mistaken for a man all the time! I did even before cancer though. I had a nice set of Cs and long hair then, too! Don't know about sticky prosthetics, because I just go flat. However, I am beginning to look into recon for exactly your reason. Its becoming hard to look the world in the eye and spit every day. I just want to look in remarkable. So anyway, sending you love and support! Men are really unobservant lol.

Beatmon

I waited over a year to have reconstruction. So go for it if it is possible financially and medically in your case. By the way,I was 62. Good luck.

4happygirl

Hey Miss Buddhist, I had a Ux over a year ago, and had a TE implanted for a later reconstruction. Because of complications I ended up having it removed and wearing a breast form (or not) for 10 months. I just had a delayed DIEP reconstruction on my left breast. I wasn't able to expand tissue for the reconstructed breast, so my PS used almost all abdominal skin to create the breast mound. The result is exactly what a person who had a Mx in previous years, but later decided to have a reconstruction would have. So, I've seen both sides now. Even with a unilateral mastectomy, I didn't always wear a breast form. They're heavy and uncomfortable, although I would say I looked normal and attractive when I was wearing it. But my natural right breast is small and droopy enough (I'm 56 and breast fed) so I could get away with not wearing a bra or form in a roomy top. If I had had a bilateral Mx, I would have been fine walking around flat, but I probably would've chosen clothes that weren't form fitting, or cut to obscure the bust area. If you're comfortable flat, I say to hell with how people are reacting.

On the other hand, if you really regret not having a reconstruction, it isn't too late. Actually, it's never too late. From what I gathered from my PS, there's a way for everyone.

Okbecca I'm sorry for your anger and frustration. There isn't one person with BC who doesn't feel it. Becca said "There is nothing easy about a choice between going flat on the one hand and having multiple surgeries with a high risk of complications in order to have what amounts to a permanent prosthesis implanted on our chests."

Actually, I think this choice is a no brainer for a lot of women who wouldn't dream of changing their body appearance if there was a way to avoid it, and possibly have a flatter stomach and better shaped breasts as well. Another group of women for whom it's a no brainer are unilateral Mx patients. Losing one breast destroyed my natural sense of balance, and it was making me completely crazy. I felt lucky to not have to damage my dominant right arm and healthy right breast, so a BMx was out of the question. A permanent prosthesis sounded pretty good to me and you're right Becca, that's exactly what it is. The docs all go out of their way to point out that it isn't a breast, to moderate expectations. When it's all done, I'll have two comfortable, symmetrical, natural feeling "breasts" that look good in clothes, with my natural sense of balance restored. So, the decision to have reconstruction isn't always just about how you look, but can also be about how you feel.

Meow13

The balance was real for me. I do have to say I like my DIEP but you do make surgery trade offs.

sas-schatzi

Hi I was cleaning out my storage thread and found this, I am reposting this on some threads, may be old news to some, but too good of info not to pass this on, Sassy

Bluebird144…NJJoined: Apr 2013Posts: 393

13 hours agoBluebird144 wrote:

Knitted Knockers Charities is a non-profit that exists to provide free patterns for knitters and crocheters to be able to make knockers and help mastectomy patients get freeKnitted Knockers made by volunteers.

I love my Knitted Knockers! They are light and soft and warm. Unlike my silicone prosthetic which is heavy and cold when first worn, then it later causes me to sweat.

I wear my knitted knockers inside a regular bra or tucked in the pocket of a mastectomy bra. They are beautiful, and a godsend to those of us with an uneven mastectomy scar.

Knitted knockers website:

http://www.knittedknockers.info/

Fall down seven times, stand up eight.

happyteacher

I had my implants removed a few days ago, so have not been out and about to experience the whole being called mate thing. But given I am 6'2'' I have to believe it is going to happen- a lot. I do plan on wearing prosthetics though except for sleeping and working out. I guess it doesn't really bother me, but since I also have not had to deal with it yet can't be sure if it won't. I have terribly sensitive skin so the adhesive option is a no go for me, but keeping my fingers crossed that once I am fitted the prosthetics in a pocket bra will get the job done.