Difficult morning

Heathet

it's so hard - emotionally- getting up in the morning and getting ready for work. Every time I look in the bathroom mirror all I see is my breast lump and when I shower that seems like all I feel- that lump. It feels like some of my lymph nodes seem hard and larger than normal and before I know it my mind is off and running in the wrong direction. I'm tired and feel like I'd rather sleep but I know that's not healthy. I'm trying to bank as much sick time as possible before I start my treatment. Any advice on getting through the rough days.

Sjacobs146

Personally, I found it better to be at work. It took my mind off of the BC. At home I obsessed and looked at pictures of mastectomy scars. Once I got to my office I was immersed in work. I also kept busy on the weekends doing fun things. It is different for everyone, but I found keeping busy was best for me

EstelaLorca

Hi Heathet, I found being at work was my only escape. As soon as I got home my mind started racing again.

I try to do meditation, yoga, going to the gym, acupuncture. I also have a prescription of ativan and have most recently been prescribed anti-depressant pills. Sometimes you have to do what you gotta do to just get by. It'll get better once you start treatment.

There's some good links on youtube for yoga and guided meditation. It'll help you focus on your breathing and release stress.

Good luck!

ml143333

Hi Heathet!

I'm not quite sure how I got through the period before treatment, but I know it involved a lot of prayer and diversion of my thoughts. I found working was a little better because I had to focus on other things - I couldn't focus on my cancer. When my mind did wander to dark places, I know I prayed and I actively started doing something different or started to read a good book.

Thinking of you!

LisaAlissa

Hi Heathet,

Sure. I'm with Sjacobs and Estela on work being a distraction. But this is a time when your mind and interior self-talk can take you to dark places from time to time. And it sounds like one of those times for you is when you're getting put together for the day and are "face-to-lump," as it were.

You need to develop your own self-talk that you repeat to yourself in these situations. Almost a mantra that you edit as you go along. Maybe even write it down and edit it from time to time. For now, I'd suggest that starting with a burst of fierce self-pride is in order at those moments! (Take "that" you lump! Then include the things you've done so far.) You've done/are doing all of the things you're supposed to do when faced with breast oddities. You saw your doctor, you're proceeding forward with a plan (or a proto-plan if you're still developing a plan). [You're _____________] It (the lump) has had it's day and is on it's way out. Sniff dismissively and turn away from it to face the rest of your day. (If you're religious or spiritual, this is a moment to turn it over to your higher power for the day.)

The fill-in the blank is for whatever is on your list to do. Making an appointment for a second opinion? Making lists of pre-surgery things to do. Getting ready for an appointment with a 2nd opinion doc? Whatever is on your cancer-related agenda. Even make lists of what is next. Whatever it is.

You've heard that you're on a roller coaster? Like any roller coaster, when you're at the "top" before the big drop, your mood and intention can make a big difference in how you feel during the ride. Although you'll end up at the bottom of the drop no matter what you do. If you pull back and try to avoid the ride, you'll feel anxious, unhappy and possibly ill-ish as the roller coaster proceeds (and it proceeds no matter what you do!). If you're saying "yeah! here we go! You enjoy the ride with a burst of enthusiasm and adreneline. You can feel fierce, and lean forward into the fall and feel exhilarated.

I'm not suggesting that cancer treatment is going to feel good, but you can let yourself feel pride that you're treating that lump in the best way possible for you and your family(? I haven't read back over all your posts, so don't know your personal situation). And you can refuse to let it make you feel miserable.

Not letting cancer take over your life while you're waiting for treatment to begin is a way to feel better about yourself. Hmph to cancer. You're doing all the things you're supposed to do. It can't have the rest of your day/life. (There will be days when cancer treatment needs to be the focus of the day, but that's not today!)

As Mandy and Estela suggested, prayer or guided meditations can be helpful. If you need some meditations, UCLA's MARC (Mindfulness Awareness Research Center) has some free guided meditations "here." (I participated in some of their research on the effectiveness of guided meditation for breast cancer survivors at MARC and found it helpful.)

But do the things that require your attention and focus. So that your focus will be on the things that you'd like to do as much as possible.

HTH,

LisaAlissa

Heathet

Thank you so much for the advice LisaAlissa! Everyone has been very supportive and it helped to brighten my day and put things into perspective. I am definitely going to take the advice you and others have offered me and lean into this crazy roller roaster ride! I'm not going to let it (that lump!) take another moment of my time. I like your mantra it's had its day and it's on it's way out! Ive started my to do list and I'm adding on what I'm thankful for. Thanks for listening and sharing everyone!

Ausbear

Hi Heathet,

Sorry to hear you are feeling low. Hope the wonderful support you have received from the BCOrg ladies has helped you feel better.

I totally get your feeling about the lump being more noticeable. I can't see mine, its too small but since all the poking and prodding with needles for biopsies, I can feel it now - its a weird stinging sensation and hard to ignore.

I had a rough day yesterday, was super teary and emotional. I had to tell my work about it and withdraw from my PhD which was due June 30th. On top of all that I got confirmation of HER2+. All these things on their own are manageable but they all happened within 2 hours of each other. Last night, I booked a mini holiday with my husband for next week, took a Phenergan (antihistamine that causes drowsiness) to make sure I got a good sleep and I feel much better about it all today.

Day by day, remember: Inhale/Exhale repeat….

xo

Heathet

thank you Ausbear - one day at a time is right! I love cooking but haven't done much latley. Tonight when I got home I started to whip up dinner . It feels so good! So normal! Good thoughts your way!

EstelaLorca your right work does provide a good distraction. It's at night or in down time that my mind starts to race. This morning, I didn't know if I'd make through the day but once the work started, it got better.

ml43333 - I just bought a good inspirational book!

momand2kids

What helped me. I wrote down every good thing dr said on a small piece of paper and carried it with me always. Work home, everywhere. Also carried 2 Ativan. Sometimes just touching these things calmed me down

msphil

hello sweetie i worked awhile then took leave i also prayed alot n had Hope n Positive thinking. Got me thru now am 22 ytr Survivor Praise God. i used a journal to get my feelings out. We were planning our wedding at diagnosis married 22 yrs also Gos Bless.