Help my wife through treatment

yeuker

Hey Everyone,

First time in the 'Help Me Get Through Treatment' forum so I will introduce myself. I'm 38, wife (37) diagnosed with stage 2 ER-, PR-, HER2+ high grade IDC over xmas this year. Surgery is done (lumpectomy), chemo started 8 days ago (DCT or TCH depending on how you abbreviate it) found here: http://www.bccancer.bc.ca/chemotherapy-protocols-s....

We are 8 days in and it is hitting her pretty hard. Day 1 was was easy peasy but since has had very sore bones all over but especially her back, head aches, numbness, very sore stomach, lots of fatigue. The last 2 days have been better and last night I would say was pretty good considering the days before. She is loosing some weight but eating OK and keeping food down. She works to get in light exercise at least once daily. She still has her hair but we both realize its days are limited. Our niece is cutting my wife's hair short tonight as she is in hair dressing school and its something cool they can do together.

As a husband, I'm working like a mad man, attend all her appointments, keeping the house clean, kids in sports, food on table, lunches packed, you name it. I still work full time but my work is accommodating to our situation so I can spend the time I really need to at home. I am pretty busy and fills my days 6AM-11PM non stop but I don't mind a bit. I'm so busy keeping our lives rolling, I often neglect to spend the time I truly want to with my wife. Kids sports wind down in the next week which is a blessing. Neighbors are keeping us topped up with good healthy meals. We have a good friends around.

I'm just looking for general advice on what can "I" do to support her more. I.e. What are some good things you loved ones did to support you? Any good gift ideas to show her how much I care and love her? Any good food suggestions or date ideas (if she is feeling well enough). It crushes me to see her go through this and I just want to add a little sunlight to her day.

Thanks,

Cory

octogirl

yeuker, your wife is lucky to have a caring husband like you, who will pick up the household burden....I think just being there for her, holding her hand, gentle touch, and all the stuff you are doing, really mean a lot. I did want to mention a bit of practical advice: if she is taking neulesta or neuprogren with the chemo that is what is likely causing the bone pain. Encourage her to take one Claritin pill a day. NOT Claritin D, but regular Claritin. I've seen the explanation for why/how it works, and have forgotten it, but as many on these boards can tell you it does help with the bone pain. a lot.

Best of luck to you!

Octogirl

DizzParkMom

Cory,

I'll second that I think your wife if really lucky to have someone like you. I'm sure it's very comforting for her to know that you love her so much and that you've stepped up without hesitation. Also, I'll second to make sure to take care of yourself. You can only burn the candle at both ends for so long. It sounds like you've got a great support system available to help you, make sure you don't hesitate to call on them. Your wife may need some time alone with you to talk about her feelings and fears. She may also need you to open up about your feelings so she doesn't have to wonder how you are doing. I know that it's hard to find time alone when there is so much to be done with the house and kids, but do the best you can. Also, when she feels better and is stronger, ask her what she feels like doing. She may want to do some things around the house or go out and do something that feels normal...like life before cancer.

The Claritin works wonders for some, but not everybody. Definitely give it a try on the next round. Let the oncologist know about the bone pain and he can prescribe some pain meds to have on hand for the next time...just in case.

If she keeps losing weight, a high calorie/high protein smoothie can be a good way to get the day started. It can help her stay fueled up for exercise which will help her to fight the fatigue.

Also, she should get stronger and feel better between now and the next cycle. By now, her blood counts have bottomed out and they will start to rise between now and her next round.

Best of luck and hang in there!

Denise-G

Take a break once in awhile and have your wife's girlfriends take her to chemo! It can be a very bonding time.

And you know, when I went through chemo, sometimes I enjoyed going by myself. When I took my sister to chemo,

she liked her alone times as well.

It is okay if YOU need a break!! Otherwise, you will be no good to anyone! It is a crazy time!!

sending my best wishes...

EstelaLorca

Cory, your wife is extremely lucky to have such a loving and attentive husband. Just be by her side, watch silly movies, hold her hand...

Everything that you're doing right now is showing her how much you love her.

Remember to take care of yourself too, take a break when you can. I would want that for my husband as well. We know it's the hardest on our loved ones.

Best of luck!

yeuker

Good advice from everyone. I'm going to head out for lunch with her tomorrow on a short date... likely subway or somewhere close but a date none the less.

Maybe worth mentioning: bought her a 'heated throw' made by sunbeam on amazon and it seems to be her favorite thing. Keeps her warm as she is cold lots and she loves it. Highly recommended. I'd give a link but don't want anyone to think I'm peddling things :-).

A friend gave me the idea to make up a chemo kit. I'm going to put in some puzzles, a kindle , candies (because cancer sucks), chemo playlist on her phone/earphones, heated blanket... and a photo album. I also worked with the kids to make her a pink necklace. She gets a new bead with every dose for a total of six. First bead is a heart. Makes the kids happy too.

I'm also going to get a bunch of our old film photos turned to digital and developed for her to look through. Pictures are amazing for cheering someone up.

I'm doing OK on the 'overdoing it' so far. I manage to get decent sleep OK at nights and spend my 'me time' doing small reno-ish projects around the house after everyone has gone to bed. Keeps my mind busy and close to the family. These things actually relax me and keep the house in check too :-).

The kids are doing OK but with Allison loosing her hair in the next week or so I bet it will hit them pretty hard. We've talked lots and lots about hair loss and cancer to them and it has been good but I'm not positive they are prepared for it. Good kids (6 and 7, girls), smart and tough... they will make'er through.

Thanks again everyone,

Cory

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