Brand new here don't know how to begin.

LisaMarieisme

I was diagnosed on 12/21 my fiancée birthday. I had a double mastectomy on 1/21 and am waiting to meet my oncologist. I had one lympnode have it out of 14. I have to take chemo and definitely don't want to. I'm scared to put the poison in me. I need advice. I'm so scared. I've taken such good care of myself. Healthy and eat right work out don't use salt or eat fried food. Checked the twins all the time.... Never felt a lump.... It felt like a pulled muscle. They found it and Everything has been a rush. At first no one would even tell me it was cancer.... Just suspicious. Twins are gone why am I having so much aniexity over taking chèmo? I'm ready to run away and never be seen again. I only have a fiancée my family thinks I'm faking having it. I have friends who had it and survived.. I know I'm about stage 2 but that hasn't been confirmed. I feel out of control. I can't believe the c word got me. What do I do? Who can I speak to. Feeling hopeless.

Kiks1

LisaMarie, I am so sorry that you have to be here. I was in the exact shoes just 2 months ago. I ate healthy, worked out and in great shape. I have no family history either and this came as a shocked. My family dismisses it because it is a tough subject to talk about. I was and still am terrified about chemo and did everything I knew to do before starting chemo last friday; I bought every supplement, visited the dentist, and got my 'chemo' bag together. It gave me more control over my situation. It is my 8th day since my first infusion and so far it has been good. I only had one night with a headache and a day with a bloated upper abdomen, both were resolved with OTCs within the hour. I never had fatigue or nausea and don't do any meds other than my supplements ( gave up on nausea meds after a day when I was feeling fine). Of course we will never know what lies ahead but I have a daughter I want to see grow up. That has given me the strength and courage to be present. I had a long talk with my Oncologist before starting and that gave me the reassurance that she was going to be there when I needed her. Her confidence, as well as the advice of the members on this forum has gotten me so far. Please ask whenever you are fearful, someone will always relate and help. (((HUGS))). Keep strong, we will make it.

LisaAlissa

Hi LisaMarie!

I''m so sorry you need to be here, but am glad you found us.

I don't blame you for feeling out of control. Everything has happened quickly and you're not sure about that, much less what happens next. Often the first visit with your medical oncologist (MO) is the first time someone explains in detail what's happened so far and discusses your options for treatment going forward, including their recommendations and explanations of why you should do what they suggest.

Do you have copies of the various test reports, biopsy reports, surgery reports and biopsy reports? If not, you'll want to get them. You're entitled to have copies of everything and to have everything explained to you!

If you already have a copy of your pathology report, print a copy of "Your Guide to the Breast Cancer Pathology Report" (from the BreastCancer.org site. It will help you look through the report, give you places to fill in things from the report and may present questions you will want to ask your MO.

It can be very helpful to both have someone with you to listen/take notes/help you ask your questions. So plan to take someone with you to your first appointment with the MO. And ask your MO if you can record your conversation. It's very, very hard (emotionally) to hear someone talk about your cancer, so being able to, re-listen to it later can be very helpful.

In the meantime, do you like to learn by reading? If so, there is lots of useful information on this site, or in Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book (get the 6th ed, if you get the book). But you'll need to know a bit about the characteristics of your cancer before you will be able to ID useful info.

It will really all be better once you have a plan. But do come back. We'll be glad to help.

LisaAlissa

Moderators

LisaMarie-

We just wanted to welcome you to our community here at BCO. We're sorry you find yourself here, but we hope you find the support you need! The first days and weeks after diagnosis can be so hard, but as you can see from the responses you've gotten already, you are not alone, and we are here for you!

The Mods

Meow13

Hi LisaMarie,

Sorry you have found yourself here. I would talk to a couple oncologists and get one you feel comfortable with. Now is the hardest time, once you get your full pathology and know what your treatment will be things will get better. One positive node doesn't sound too bad, you'll want to know more details on the nature of your tumor.

If you are estrogen/progesterone positive you probably will want to do hormone therapy. The status of your her2 is also important to treatment.

Try to get as much information as you can, don't focus on the possible chemo treatment. I think that scared the hell right out of me. I kept thinking the treatment is worse than the disease, focus on your health and getting rid of the cancer.

Good luck.

Ansel_Balla

Yes, I agree with above. Knowledge has power, gather as much information you can so that you can fully participate in treatment decisions.

msphil

hey sweetie take deep breath i know its hard right now n so overwhelming but be Inspired we have been there and Praise God i made it thru and now 22yr Survivor here to encourage u hang in there. msphil idc stage 2 0\3 nodes Lmast chemo rads n 5yrs on tamoxifen. God Bless Us All.

Anonymous

My dear, we all felt exactly as you. Stage II is better than what it could be, so take heart in that. I didn't want chemo either, but I eventually embraced it as MY fierce weapon to eradicate any of the c that might be lingering, and finally didn't see it as poison at all. Try to, when you've moved out of the shock a bit, to re-frame your perspective and see all treatment being rx'd as some strength to help you get rid of all of c and allow you to move forward and live your very long life. That can help.

Most of us were hit out of the blue like you--watched our weight, didn't do anything bad to ourselves. Truth is we don't know what really makes some of us get it and not others who don't take care of themselves. You'll spend some time asking "why", and that's okay, but try not to stare at that "why" too long and move toward getting proactive about finding the best treatment available to you. This site helped me find so much info and ways to alleviate symptoms of tx better than any other place on the internet.

We're here for you!

Claire in AZ

DrHeatherRichardson

LisaMarieMe -

You are in the right place!

One thing I would urge you to do is talk to your doctors about cancer profiling tests. Just because it is in the lymph nodes does NOT necessarily mean you have to have chemotherapy. See what the aggressiveness factors are or if you would benefit from the assays that can put you on a scale of how helpful/necessary chemotherapy will be. If your cancer has weaker features, it might be that stronger chemotherapy medicines will not be necessary and that a pill to block hormones is all that is recommended.

stay strong - you WILL get through this!

hikingandhorses

I too am healthy, active, at a good weight, vegetarian for years, never smoked etc and it's not in my family either. This site is amazing because of the number of people that have been through the program before. I joined a forum where the participants were beginning chemo the same month I was. One of the ladies in the forum was an information junkie and she found all of these different studies and research cases on different chemo protocols. I sifted through them and brought the relevant ones to my oncologist. He reviewed each one with me and gave me his opinion on why or why not he would consider it. It was very helpful to me. I was very much against chemo but because of the nature of my tumor (HER2+ grade 3), I decided to move forward with it. It wasn't pleasant but I rocked the bald head and laugh that my armpit hair never grew back (how great is THAT!) Be sure to tell your onc about EVERY side effect you're experiencing - not to sound like a commercial but "they have a med for that!" They need to know how you're feeling, what you're experiencing, so they can help you the best they can. This site is also very useful in that respect too. You will get through this - I was fortunate that my dad came to most of my infusions. We played cards every time - so much so the nurses were "betting" on our game outcomes. I left my deck on my last appointment for the next person!