Growing Apart after chemo and surgery

jlstacey

My husband was great during my treatments. We have two adopted kids and they aren't easy kids. Both of them have tough issues. They have put a lot of stress on us and our marriage over the last seven years.I have spent a lit if time on doctors, treatments, education advocacy and more. I have had to stop working to focus in them.

This last year has taught me to let go. We don't have to be so strict. If I don't get the laundry done, we will survive. I know I get tired and need to rest. Me time us important. I'm more patient with the kids. My relationships with them gave improved. He in the other remains as rigid as ever. We don't talk much. He seems to resent me not keeping house perfectly. He resents taking the kids to their activities. I just don't know how to deal with him.

bluepearl

You have a lot of issues here (as does your husband) and you both have to find a thera[ist who can help you untangle your feelings one by one on each issue. When too much is happening, fear and lack of control become anger, especially in men. And most men don't do very well with their feelings and tend to "blame". Seek some help asap.

jlstacey

We have come some ways in the last few weeks, but I also had DIEP flap two weeks ago so we focused on that. We did agree to give each other more of what the other wanted

BeStrong777

Go to Marriage Therapy - I just learned that my husband had an affair on Mothers Day! Now I need to decide what to do - forgive or move on - which is very difficult after being together for 30 years and have 3 adopted children. He chose to not deal with the stresses of life in the appropriate way - and now I have to deal with that. I feel that this is even harder than dealing with my cancer and treatments. Hope it goes well - do not let him off the hook - Therapy will just make your marriage stronger and get through this ordeal together.

Meow0369

Jlstacey, I hope you are in a better place now. I know how you feel , my husband had failed me too. He works a stressful job working 12-16 hr nites. I give him that but he doesn't reach out to me much and I'm resentful. I'm in chemo and we have 3 kids 13,10 ,7. I was there for him when he went thru surgery and recovery. I'm deeply hurt and annoyed. All you and I can do is take care of ourselves and ourkids. They need us and we need to heal from this. We have to take it serious. Literally take one day at a time. Some days an hour at at time. Reach out to the ladies here at any time! We are here for each other.

Greyt2mphrn

 My boyfriend of almost 4 years left me without notice for another woman. He had told me not to come by his house when I was going through chemo. He just didn't want to be "involved". Found out he had found someone else by driving by his house and finding "her" car in his driveway. She was flirting with him as he was making her dinner. Had to beg to get only 2 of the many things that I had at his house. He also didn't want me because I was too thin after finishing chemo. Everybody says " Good riddance" but it is hard when you are "table for one", movies alone and no one to talk to. It hurts to be rejected - just another thing BC has taken from me. My hair, my hope for the future and companionship- among the things gone because of BC.