Nervous

arbojenn

I have to wait until Wednesday to find out the results of my bone scan and PET scan. I am a bit nervous about the PET scan because the order said scan of the tumor area from head to mid thigh. But what tumor? The onc didn't say anything about a tumor? I don't feel any tumor. I have had BC three times, have both breasts removed, had radiation to both sides (at different times) and chemo twice. Had to stop taking Aromasin because of avascular necrosis in the hip. Meanwhile, my old onc left, a new one hadn't come in yet, they put in a new answering system that had bugs so I just decided to wait and take a break from the Aromasin until I got to see my new onc as Aromasin is a steroid and you can't take steroids with avascular necrosis. Saw her a week ago--I am very happy with her-- and she informed me my tumor markers had been increasing slowly but steadily the last few visits which were six months apart. (That was news to me.) I have developed a very itchy rash on my chest that started at that little tiny blob that gets left when you have a mastectomy (First time, I had only one breast removed and later had reconstruction. First recurrence was to the chestwall and so had to have chestwall excision. Had the other breast removed for preventive reasons plus they needed the tissue to fill in my chest so I could have radiation. Skin graft covered the back.) Third recurrence appeared on the opposite side in a lymph node. Had chemo and rads in 2012 and 2013. In 2014, a PET scan showed me to be NED. So I was surprised when the insurance company approved another PET scan so soon. I had been using hydro cortisone but it kept getting worse. Now I am trying a fungicide. Have a little patch starting on my neck. The onc looked over the rash pretty good. I am thinking she suspects skin mets. Maybe bone mets, too, as I need a hip replacement and my ribs haven't healed from a slight fracture back in 2009. Hopefully, this anxiety is just the usual "time to see the onc" variety. I SAY I don't worry, but deep down I do. It isn't so deep down this time.

Ah. Thank you for letting me voice my worry here. It makes it better to talk about it. Can't talk to my family because they fret and worry so and I don't want to put them through that again if there is no need. I am just keeping my worry inside. If I get bad news Wednesday, I will be back asking for advice on how and when to tell family. If I were in their shoes, I would totally freak out and be so worried and I just don't like to be the cause of worry and grief. I know y'all know what I mean even if I am clumsy in saying it. As Eyor says, "Thanks for listening!"