I Dropped Out of Life...

AmyA

Here I am, up since 4am yet again. I am not a morning person, I am a stressed person. I'm stressed because I've dealt with a seemingly never-ending cycle of surgeries and setbacks over the last 21 months, during which I haven't worked, dated or had a social life.

My surgeries recently ended, just had my 8th, and with the rest of 2016 and hopefully my life looking clear, I need to get back to life and it's just daunting. I've been applying for jobs and not getting much traction. I've jumped on OK Cupid and written with a few guys but have no desire to make plans as I have no desire to gussy up to drive aways to meet these randoms.

Will I ever want to again? For the last almost two years I've been the sick girl who hangs inside with her cats and I've gotten mighty good at it. Sigh. 😕

Anyone else having trouble getting back into life and living?

Basia

I completely understand how you feel. I used to be outgoing and always ready to go out and do stuff, but the last year or so I have completely withdrawn from everything and everyone. Get out there and do stuff, the longer you wait the harder it becomes and the easier it is to just be alone. I was initially DX 5 years ago and slowly I have fallen down this path and I regret it, every year withdrawing more and more and getting more depressed. To the point where my marriage and relationship with the rest of my family has suffered.

tangandchris

hi amy ☺

My name is Amy too...so your post really caught my eye.

So I think this is part of survivorship that is really not discussed and we really need help. It's hard getting out there and moving on, the reasons are not always cut and dry either. Maybe you are depressed and meds could help?

All I know is that for me I'm still struggling with it. Some days are easier than others. Sometimes you have to force yourself into doing it, pull the band aid off so to speak. You may never wake up and just feel like doing it, sometimes you gotta fake it till you make it.

((Hugs))

AmyA

Thank you for your note, Basia (cool name). Yes, I will have to try.

It's interesting to read your note as I sometimes get very pointed in my thoughts (that's not the word I want to use but I can't think of it - I'll blame cancer 😜) when it comes to relationships. As someone who's been mostly single her whole life, I'm like okay, where is he? This all understanding person who willl elevate my life. I also read on here how so many relationships and marriages have crumbled under the weight of recovery.

There's no easy, immediate right answer, it seems, but you're right. Even if I have to force myself, the one thing I can control is that I try.

Thank you for your helpful words. Big hugs to you.

-Amy

AmyA

Hi fellow Amy!

You're right on multiple levels. Maybe it all boils down to I dropped out of life and life let me. 😕 I imagine it's hard for many people going through this to not have experienced some level of abandonment with friends, and even some family members, pulling away as they don't know what to say.

I'm living in a new area and looking for a fresh start minus much of the physical "looking" part. Time to start faking it til I make it.

Thank you for your note.

-Amy

StaceySue2U

How about finding some sort of group activities you're really interested in, or doing some volunteer work, instead of dealing with the uncertainty and stress of meeting random guys? That way you'd start out with something in common and see them in person before deciding whether you want to date. Also if it was an activity you were interested in you wouldn't have to gussy up, but just dress for the activity. You'd have a good time to look forward to regardless of whether or not an interesting guy happened to be there that day.

AmyA

Smart words, Stacey. You're right, my thinking needs to shift. I currently live over 45 minutes away from where I want to, a big reason I don't want to get up and go, especially at night. But will check into some activities. Re-align my thoughts of what's "worth" the drive. Guess I have to think that I'm worth the drive.

StaceySue2U

Yes - you are worth the drive. And if you participate in activities that make you happy, you'll be happier. If you meet random guys hoping to find a good one, there's no guarantee you'll be happier and a good chance you'll be more miserable.

MoreShoes

Amy, do you have friends living close by? You can always go out for coffee with them or drinks or to the cinema. Maybe just windowshopping, looking at people and feeling happy that the treatments are over. Finding a boyfriend should be a fun thing and not a must. Look around on OK cupid, flirt, dream. They can drive the distance and meet you, if they want. And if you don't want, that's fine too.

Something I've learned at my yoga, meditation class: when you wake up in the morning, be thankful that you're still alive and that a new day has started, full of possibilities and opportunities. Say this every morning :-) I know that this helps me through the treatments.

MEG2

Amy ~ do you have a local YMCA where you are? They have a great program where they partner with Livestrong. It is a 12 week course focused on helping you get back to your fit and finer self. There is a group session to start the class that typically runs about 30 minutes where they discuss recovery and survivorship and trying to stay mentally and physical fit. Then there is a 45 to 50 minute work-out that starts slow and then builds as the program progresses...even if you are already a fit person it helps you get on track with fitness goals and the social interaction with fellow cancer survivors is awesome. I did my class about 18 months ago and I continue to stay in contact with the coaches and other participants; they have weekly alumni classes and have events like Christmas parties and outings. It's a great way to get out twice a week, meet other people, hang out at the gym (and possibly meet that handsome, understanding guy). I now volunteer with the classes and hope to become a coach in the near future to help others like me and you get to a new normal. I wish you the very best luck in moving through your survivorship. We all suffer in some way after this journey and it's a hard passage...you will get there and there will be a day when cancer isn't always the first thing on your mind.

AmyA

Wow, Meg, this sounds great. In terms of dropping out of life, I've also dropped my activity level dramatically. I'm just starting to get back to exercise a bit. It would be so nice not to have to do this alone. For me, getting back into things, I can't help that it's one more thing to do alone. I'll check into this asap!

Thank you for the info.

AmyA

Hi Stacey. Thank you for the advice and the giggle. ; )

AmyA

Hi MoreShoes (fun name)!

Thank you for your thoughts. That sounds like a very good way to wake up every morning - I will give it a shot.

: )

Basia

Some great ideas on here on meeting people! I have another suggestion. I love Crossfit, its a great workout but it also fosters a community/family feel. I can't tell you how many people I have met in my box and other boxes. I know many people who have met their significant others at competitions or parties. Worth a shot

TwoHobbies

Amy, I don't know if you have the ability to take a vacation, but I found a vacation was a great thing that got me out of cancer/doctors/hospitals/worry mode. I think it was getting me out of the physical environment, having some fun, seeing there is alternate life, maybe. I don't know but I definitely came back refreshed and ready to move on and improve my life.

I'm also a firm believer in exercise. It can really lift your mood. I walk a lot out in nature, because I love nature. If you like to dance, find Zumba. If you like to ride a bike, get a bike. Join a book club, learn to _____. Maybe you'll meet a friend or a love, or maybe just have fun.

bc101

Amy,

It's been a few months...how are you doing?

Just wanted to pop in to say you are not alone. It's been a few years for me, too, and I feel the same way....like I dropped out of life. I''ve been busy, but not in the right ways. During the past few years I have filled my days with appointments, visits with various therapists, and now just psychotherapy, which has proven to be most useful. I finally accepted the fact that I need help and found someone I really like - she uses talk therapy, imagery, meditation and acupuncture. I tried medications, but wasn't able to tolerate the side effects, however, I will keep trying different meds. You've been given some very wise advice here....mainly, don't sink too far or it'll be a much more difficult climb back up to the top. You're so young. Get out, exercise, try to meet new friends, volunteer. Force yourself. Fake it til you make it. That advice is as good as gold. Take it from someone who's been there....reach out and get help when you need it. And lastly, please don't rely on a man to make you feel complete. You. Are. Enough. Once you are back on track and feeling good, just open your energy up to the universe and if it is meant to happen, it will happen. I firmly believe that. But you have to be out in the world living fully first. That's all I know.

Take care!