Those oncologist check ups....and the worry they bring

Anonymous

Dear all,

I haven't posted in a while because I've been caring for my husband and teaching full time. Last month my mom went in to the hospital twice--once on Xmas eve--dx with 4 strokes, although miraculously she has no physiological or neurological side effects. I'm her medical adviser, so I had to make sure she was getting the right care and treatment, which was exhausting--we don't have a terrific local hospital and their rather cavalier, hit or miss dxes made me really nervous and at times angry.

Then my husband went in on the 8th of Jan for a total knee replacement, otherwise healthy, and he came out with pulmonary embolisms, on blood thinners (although temporary) and on 24/7 0 2 for we don't know how long.

I've also been helping my 33 y.o. daughter get through a divorce and also helping her code with her shock and fear of her dad's (my ex's) dx of stage IV cancer. She's an only child so even harder without siblings.

Gyno appt today; will he find anything remarkable and scary? That is the question.

And I have my regular oncologist check up a week from today. I'm sweating about this one more than I usually do--more anxious than normal. Do you think it has any thing to do with all the health care and focus on how our bodies can betray us?

Anyway, ILC'rs, just had to vent. Really no one gets the anxiety behind our "regular" checkups but all of you.

Hugs

Claire in AZ (headed out to shovel snow in a blizzard so I can make my stupid gyno appt on time)

voraciousreader

Claire!!!! Yes! Yes! Yes! We all get it! I'm sending you my most gentle hugs filled with warmth! Sometimes I worry about what is around the corner as well as what's ahead. If I dwell for more than half a minute about the issues and concerns that I have, I think I would shatter. Sooooo....I often remind myself that the beauty of being human is that we are given the opportunity to be resilient. I find that on some days being resilient requires more work than on other days. That said, I like to think that ultimately, being resilient, builds character and grace......

May good luck follow you wherever you travel....and may it follow those whom you cherish!

wallycat

Yow, that's a lot you just went through. I get anxious for ANY doctor visit, because yes, I feel like my body will betray me.

Sending warm and gentle hugs, and may a cloud of good things follow you for here on!

I'm so jealous of your snow. Out here, it was ...the winter-that-never-came. **sob** Is it October yet? I want a do-over

Leslie13

Claire,

With your circumstances, your stress must be over the top! You're taking care of everyone else, but are you getting the support you need? Being scared is more than normal!

Your chances are very good you'll have negative results, but it may be a good idea to think about guiding your daughter to other resources for help. I'm not saying to quit supporting her, but as an adult she can find divorce and loss groups or forums so she can off-load some of her stress with others going through the same.

Hubble will be on blood thinners for as long as he needs them. Helping someone through a joint replacement isn't easy either. As both a patient and helper, I can relate. Is he on Warfaren or the newer injectable? He should be on the injectable med. Daily injection, but no INR tests and more effective.

I don't want to seem unempathic at all. But you need to find a way to reduce your stress for your health. I think stress had a large role in my cancer, and I'll bet others here would say the same. So do what you can, then try to let go. Not easy, but ask yourself, "have I done all I can?" If so, try not to loop. Your daughter needs a supportive Mom, but benefits from solving some of her issues independently.

Make sense

momand2kids

Claire

my, that is alot..... like you, I was anxious at my last gyno appt (I feel like that is the last place left where things can go awry). But things were fine other than being sent off to pelvic floor therapy!!!

I had a PE during my second pregnancy--it was very scary-- but it was situational, much like your husband's probably is... I did blood thinners for 6 months and that was the end of that--never another problem, but it always makes me an "interesting" case and was the reason I could not take tamoxifen.... but otherwise, nada!!

Good luck with onc--- you are followed closely-it is very unlikely there is anything to find, but we all get the anxiety---

labelle

I definitely get it. Before BC I thought nothing of my annual mammogram, pap smear, biometric screening for our insurance. Now going to the flipping dentist makes my blood pressure go up. I guess I feel my body has betrayed me once and so could do so again, plus with all the doctoring during active BC treatment I think I'm more than a bit burnt out on the people in white coats so now I'm afraid of anything that even resembles a medical test! Hopefully, this will get better as time goes on and we have more tests that turn out just fine.

Anonymous

Dear all, thank you.

My daughter is seeing a counselor, but we are extremely close and she's only lived in Santa Barbara for a little over 6 months. All her support systems were in our hometown. So she calls on me, since she's even more worried she'll lose one parent to cancer (she worried about losing me 4 years ago). Sometimes I am weary of listening to her, but right now not listening would feel like a rejection for her, which would be hurtful.

My husband couldn't leave the hospital without being on blood thinners, and we chose Xeralto; he didn't want to have to inject himself twice a day for three months although he's not afraid of needles.

The 0 2 concentrator (cannula, long plastic lines and generator running in our spare room) reminds me of my late husband's final days and his own death from cancer and my role as primary caregiver for him 20 years ago. How my late husband hated that 0 2; he called it his leash and wasn't on it very long. Sometimes I think he just willed himself to die when he realized he had to be on 0 2 forever. It's the 0 2 that freaks me out more than anything else -- seeing it on my husband's face and hearing the engine running again. However, he seems to be needing it less and less over time. Logically of course I know it's not the same situation, but it's hard to unsee and unhear cues that remind me of that very traumatic time.

I got an US yesterday of my ovaries and uterus--asked for it per the NP that used to see me at my gyno's office--she told me 1x a year was appropriate since ILC tends to want to migrate to these areas, and I'm high risk already. Everything was okay there, yay. Won't know about the pap smear for a few days, but my gyno doc told me that AIs can cause thinning of the cervix, causing potential hyperplasia to appear on pap smears and if I do have hyperplasia not to freak out. I have had it before and had to go for re-checks; usually it cleared up on the next check.

Now, about that oncology appt--sometimes I get right through them and sometimes I need 1/2 a .25 mg Xanax before the visit. This might be a Xanax visit coming up...

Claire

Anonymous

PS Wallycat, I shoveled snow off our driveway and sidewalk three times yesterday! Are you still jealous? (actually we've had several "no-winter" winters down here and the snow fills our aquifers, so I try to embrace it even as I shiver through one of our colder winters that I can remember)

wallycat

Yes, I am still unbelievably JEALOUS. Even more now that I hear we may hit near 60 tomorrow. That is just SO wrong!

We had a snow plowing service in WI but I told them it had to be at least 4" if they came because I wanted to shovel hundreds of feet of driveway :-) The year we got 20", I let them do it!

Anonymous

Wallycat, it's headed towards 60 degrees here on the high plateaus of No. Az this weekend and 70 degrees in Sedona. My kind of weather!!! Its' been so cold, dry, and WINDY that walking my dog in that kind of weather is like walking continuously into an ice wall.

So the check up was, my words, UNREMARKABLE. I love unremarkable. Thanks for listening and supporting me through these scary check ups, all.

wallycat

So happy for unremarkable. I love when they tell me that :-)

We hit 59 yesterday. BLECH. My twin is in WI and reminding me they are at minus 5.....sigh.