Reactions from others

Vanden

Hello,

This cancer thing is tricky for sure. Not just for me apparently but for others around me as well, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. As i come to terms with the disease and my treatments, I find myself often dwelling on the reactions of others. Some of my closest friends, including colleagues of 15+ years, and even family members - many of the people I made effort to personally contact about my DX six months ago so that they wouldn't have to hear about it from someone else - have gone dark, so to speak. Disappeared. I don't hear from them. I get puzzled and hurt and have crying jags. I'm not here to judge how people react to this Dx. I know it's not easy and there is no definitive "how to" and "what to say" guide that people are given. But this has really perplexed me of late. Or maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself - knowing I'm here and they are living their lives…which Facebook reminds me of daily. The few friends I reached out to did express concern and said they were thinking of me. They also said they would have reached out but they didn't want to disturb me. I suppose I can understand that …but it still hurts somehow; and I find myself not letting go of what I can only describe as their abandonment when I needed them most. I was honest with one very close friend and told him that I thought he might have been hiding from me, and I acknowledged that it can be an awkward and difficult situation. His response was that he knows I'm a private person and he was waiting for me to reach out to him.

Is that it? Could it be that they didn't abandon me at all… but that I abandoned them?

And then on the flip side…

I have been overwhelmed by the kindness and support I have received from people I never expected. My hairstylist, who cut off my hair for donation, brought me homemade soup on multiple occasions; a group of colleagues at work sent me a box of personal letters over the holidays that I opened with much delight on Christmas day. A man from my rock club sent me a box of cut agates to polish while i recovered and a selection of herbal teas. Notes and calls from people I hadn't heard from in years. And on and on and on. Truly amazing gestures of outreach and love. It humbles me and I am grateful. I started a list I call my angel list that captures every gesture - including the stranger in the grocery store who helped me unload my cart and upon seeing my bald face and swollen eyes said "I wish you good health." I read that list often to be reminded of the support and love that surrounds all of us. These special souls have lifted my spirit when needed most.

Oy. To be human is not easy. To all of you on this site I send a hug and a thank you - for you too have been there when I need you most.

Kiks1

Vanden, like you, my cancer diagnosis has shown me that angels do walk among us. I will forever be ingratiated. God bless.

Eleanora23

Thanks for this post. I know it is two months old. It helps me to read it though. I'm not as far along as you are ...I have found some real kindness from strangers and aquaintances. I have also had some really heart-breaking rejection, unkindness and dismissal from family and some friends. I live in a rural area and I am not from here, so sometimes every little bit stings. I have tried to ask a few friends to sometimes reach out to me instead of vice -versa always, I have recently volunteered more and am trying to pursue that path, as long as I feel up to it I will. You know that jjust something light-hearted like a little jokes or funny picture could help so much. but I have had little luck with that so far. I do wish people knew how smaller gestures could mean so much and that conversations can be light-hearted too. I have a lot of letting go to do over the upcoming weeks and months and have to take care of myself and try to leave this heartache behind, and stayin the moment, grateful when I can for today. Thanks again.