Feelings after a mastectomy?

Jessyogamom

I am new here. I'm a mom of a 12 and 14 year old,  47, work from home and teach yoga. I Was diagnosed with stage zero, grade 3 DCIS and Pagets. I am having a mastectomy on just my left breast on Jan. 22. I have no idea what feelings I will experience and would love to hear from others. Honestly this news has not been too devastating. I've been through serious depression, sobriety (22 years sober) and two years of infertility. Those things seemed much harder to go through.  I have no idea how I will feel after the surgery? I will be having the immediate reconstruction with expander.  Thank you.

Kiks1

Jessyogamom, I think how one feels depend so much on our individual make up including our self image, our self confidence, our values, our priorities and the societies/social circles that we mingle within.

I had a bilat with no recon, am 49, have a 16 year old daughter, and know ( even though I can be vain, please forgive me for my shortcomings) that my self image have very little attachment to my breasts. I also have a very secure marriage and had grew up with parents/ and in a society that valued 'brains over matter'. Yet, I will admit, I have always loved dressing up, am a avid runner, keep very active, and ate well. But, for some strange reason, breasts didn't mean much to how I perceive myself ( besides have you look through Anthropologie catalogs, I swear most of their models have no breasts!). Also, I had always had painful pre-menstral breasts that hindered my runs and would be happy not to have to deal with that anymore. I tend to be practical and my priorities are to be with my family for as long as I possibly can. Thus, I will do anything to ensure optimal survival.

When I first saw myself after the surgery, I didn't have any feelings one way or another. My anxiety was focused on getting my pathology report and praying it would be a good one. Pain, I had little, but this varies. Discomfort for me was mainly tightness under my arms. Now, that I am feeling a little better ( thanks to the support and comfort of members on this board) I am looking through these Anthropologie catalogs and thinking ' hey, I might actually fit their clothes better!'. Hopefully, I will always continue to find a silver lining in every thing.

I think you have to be really honest with yourself and your feelings. Unfortunately, a mastectomy is not an easy surgery and the pain and/or discomfort, coupled with a bc dx, can be overwhelming. The journey is neither a pleasant or easy one and we will face a new normal. What and how we make of it depend greatly on our determination, the support we receive, our drs, and XANAX. Keep strong, pray, cry when you need, and laugh at every opportunity.

Kaybee2545

I just had one on Monday (both sides with tissue expanders) so I can't say how I will feel long term. I honestly didn't love my breasts, they were small and getting saggy, and I wasn't totally emotionally attached. I haven't cried over the loss yet. I have only looked at myself twice, and can tell although scary now, I will look better cosmetically. However, I am worried about the practical side...can I still run, ski,etc? They feel rock hard and are numb right now...how much will that improve? With my family history and genetic results, I don't second guess my decision. I am also the person who wears makeup and does my hair at home alone, so I knew I wanted reconstruction. Those are my very early thoughts!

ccristee

I chose to do a bilateral mastectomy, because I figured even if the cancer was only on one side, might as well get a matching set of boobs out of the ordeal. I didn't like my breasts before, and am still going through the reconstruction process, but I am looking forward to the final results. Maybe because I didn't like my breasts before -having them removed really didn't hit me that hard emotionally??

Anywho, the expanders were very uncomfortable, and super hard. I had the exchange surgery in late September, and the silicone implants immediately felt better than the expanders. I was so relieved for that. I also had a skin sparing mastectomy, rather than a nipple sparing mastectomy. So I don't have nipples. Which is hard to wrap my head around when I look in the mirror. Once scar tissue has softened up I am going to have tattoos done, which I think will help with that mental connection. Good luck with whatever procedure you choose!

BethL

Jess- Everyone experiences this a little different. You past has made you the strong woman that you are today, this will be hard but will add to your strength. I came out of a horrific marriage that lasted 20 years too long. Not going to go into all that, but I know coming out of it gave me the strength to do this. Unfortunately this is my 2nd time dealing with bc (1st time 10 yrs ago at age 38), but know it's my last.

I had bilateral mx, simply because it was my 2nd time and while this is not easy, I don't regret it. The first time I looked at my chest I felt dizzy. But today, 5 weeks later I feel much better. Felt better from the 2nd time I looked really. But again, everyone is different. I have expanders in, no fill yet. The look doesn't bother me, the expanders just don't feel great. Temporary.

I know I'll have days when I don't feel so strong, and that's ok. One day at a time.

ksusan

I liked my breasts a lot, and I miss them sometimes, but every time I see my chest (BMX, no recon), I think, "Took care of that/I'm alive."

DeeRatz

I felt fine after my BMX. I think due to the fact I had immediate reconstruction with TE's. My breasts were almost the same immediately after surgery as they were pre surgery. I had small breasts that I didn't love. I am opting to go larger with my reconstruction. I like not having to wear a padded bra, actually don't wear a bra. Bathing suit shopping will be much easier as well.

I had started a blog for my friends and family when I was diagnosed. I called it "From little Dee to double D". I wont be a DD when I am done but am taking the opportunity to upgrade.

Sharazhad707

Hi everyone

I had a single mastectomy. I was scheduled for a bilateral mastectomy with TRAM-FLAP reconstruction, however since the tumour was not responding to chemo, I was given an emergency unilateral mx. I'll get reconstruction later, after I'm given the all clear. The pain the comes with post op recovery is horrible, and the numbness as well.

I'm taking a cocktail of painkillers at the moment ( Tramadol+paracetamol+ibuprofen+2mg valium) + a pain patch on my arm. How are you guys managing the pain?

Lolz @ DeeRatz, I was originally a DD, now I'm half a surfboard!! When I'm ready for recon, I'm downgrading to a C cup on both ( Please God, let that be soon... )

Gemma12

Hi Jessyogamaom - I can't answer you question as I had a lx, not mx, but I wanted to send you some positive vibes. I'm a little older than you, but I have a 12 yo son, and my daughter will be 14 in March. Good luck with your procedure and recovery. Congrats on the hurdles you've already cleared. 22 years, awesome!

exbrnxgrl

As you can see, feelings, both physical and emotional are very individual. I am a bit more than 4 years out from a bmx with one step implants. I had manageable pain during recovery. I took prescription pain meds for less than a week and was doing laps around the hospital,floor as soon as I was allowed out of bed. I liked the size and shape of my natural breasts and my implants look almost the same. Scars have faded well. I can feel pressure on my new breasts and skin sensation, but no deeper or sexual sensation (after all, the breast tissue is gone). Some women say they do have deeper sensation, but I believe that is rare. Overall, I no longer even notice my implants and am very happy with my recon. Best of luck to you.