Rosevalley - this is for you!

Rosevalley

The Abraxane went down without a hitch. My intestines are giving me concern but I guess that's to be expected with chemo. Labs were good except for total protein, albumin and calcium which run on the low side.. the ascites is the same a liter every other day. Wish the Abraxane would effect that. So far it's had no effect on the ascites. It is interesting that it appears to lessen the intestinal cancer grip and stomach but not the ascites. Weird.

We were all talking about our poor dogs suffering last night through illegal fireworks. My nurse had a border collie mix she gave her benadryl and stuck by her. My chemo neighbors the next chair same deal with their dog. My poor border collie was hiding in my daughters bedroom.. between the beds at 11 pm. Hopefully tonight will be better. DD2 and DH and I all had lunch together. They sat with me at the cancer center. It makes me remember taking all three girls to radiation when they were 12, 10 and 6. Time flies... my daughter was in 5th grade and now she is 20. Yay that I got to be here to see her grow up and enjoy her. It hasn't been easy but seeing your kids grow up is sweet.

Best bird it did make me feel like a seeder of the future! Pitching seed pods into the meadows and sprinkling fist fulls of seed. I could just imagine the foxglove dancing in the wind along the banks in the dappled sunlight. They only bloom every 2 years so it will be while. I probably won't see my seeds bloom, but in my mind's eye and my heart the flowers have been planted and the deed done. We have lots of hummingbirds and bees here so they will so enjoy the flowers. I am collecting the very last bucket full of seed spires. Amazing how many seeds are in each pod and each plant. Planning now where to take the last of them...:-) This has been a bumper crop of foxglove and I am happy to use them all.

Love to each of you. It looks like I will see August and meet the summer. Amazing.

Rosevalley

My DH and I spent a lovely afternoon at Findley National Wildlife refuge in Corvallis, Oregon. It was a gorgeous mild sunny day Monday and we enjoyed the old pioneer homestead from 1855 and the wildflowers. There were quails, a Downey woodpecker and lots of birds. I think Oregon is lovely and wanted to share some pictures of the area. Hope you enjoy these as much as we did. I used DH's phone as mine is an old flip phone and his is an Iphone. The pictures are pretty good and the area profoundly quiet and sacred.

queenmomcat

Though I expect others who've known you longer and more intimately than I will speak up, more volubly than I ever could....

yes, I appreciate the photographs. Also the idea of planting foxglove seeds in the hope/thought that others will see them and love them/appreciate you. (I have similar wistful fond regards for/to/with spring bulbs and my own mother, but that's a story I won't weary the boards with, much less you, Rosevalley.)

Rosevalley

queenmomcat- you feel the presence and love of your Mother when you see certain spring bulbs and flowers? You aren't boring me with a "weary story." It is that way with us all. Your comments are what I have always felt. Our ancestors live in us through their spirit and love. Certain foods, plants and traditions during the year bring images of those we love long gone but still loved and enjoyed in our hearts. When I see purple and blue pansies I see my Grandmother Helen's love for them and her spirit and appreciation for beauty. I can not see pansies and not think of my Grandmother. I feel her love for me and life in pansies. This is how we live on in spirit after we pass from life. We are there in different form inside our loved ones.

It's like the foxglove in the meadows and banks. No one needs to know a couple planted the seeds. It's plenty honor enough to have one plant flourish for the birds and bees. My DH will smile when the hummingbirds flit through the foxglove in the summer. He will remember my love for them. I will return to my family's heart if only for a moments passing a gentle reminder - "oh foxglove Mommy loved those and she loved me too." It's all the legacy I will ever need. Buddhists and Christians should not lay treasures on earth but let it go and appreciate this sweet life full of beauty and wonder. When those who have known me and felt my love for them pass on, and there is no memory of my earthly time spent in anyone alive - then the flowers will live on. Perfect. They will bloom, whither and die, spread seed and grow again. The great cycle of life continues on. Dying very slowly of cancer has let me think about what really matters. Spread love like seeds and do as much good as you can, appreciate everything and everybody. Good night. ((gentle hugs))

rosevalley who can't sleep because of the steroids.. ambien is having zippo effect. But I am here and grateful.

feelingfeline

Oh yay I love those surprise sunflowers!

Hummingbird4

Rosevalley, I love the pictures you posted - so beautiful! And here we are the two of us awake from yesterday's steroids!! I slept only 2 1/2 hours last night, but was exhausted at first from yesterday's Taxol! But as you said, we are grateful. I am so glad to hear Abraxane is going well for you. May that continue for a long time!

feelingfeline

Fantastic News on the seeds sewn in life and in your mind's eye. Wonderful News on your body tolerating the the abraxane. Beautiful pictures from your serene day Rose. Good News, Good News.

feelingfeline

went on a tour of a local organic farm run by Dominican nuns on Sat. DD spotted this in the hedegerow. Of course it made me smile and think of you.

Longtermsurvivor

Good morning dear Rosevalley,

I just love what you wrote about seeing the people we love in the plants, places and gardens we love!

I live on a farm where I hope to be planted as ashes beneath a California black oak. There are hens and chicks succulents from a different place I lived 30+ years ago, a friend's grandmother's prize-winning hybrid iris, fruit trees planted over placentas, relatives' ashes beneath ornamentals and the bodies of dead animal friends buried deep in the soil.

The curly willow twig outside my bedroom window has filled into a lush, mature tree.

Almost every plant and planting tells a story of transplant, connection, continuation, nurturance and nourishment.

The cycles of life and nature are never far from view or memory.

So much joy!

We see what and who we love everywhere.

Rosevalley, I'm glad you too are enjoying nature, dear Rosevalley and I also believe that you'll make it until August and beyond.

May wonders never cease, Stephanie

PS, for readers interested in plants and life, I recommend Hope Jahren's new memoir Lab Girl. She weaves all life on earth together through telling stories from the perspectives of plants and laboratory science.

Kjones13

Rose--haven't been around too much, but love reading your updates! Crossing fingers and toes this drug does the trick! Much love to you

steelrose

(((Rosevalley))) Always in my thoughts..

PattyPeppermint

rose. . Checking on you and sending much love

ruthbru

My dad was a passionate gardener, so I see him everywhere in the summer. Some of the perennials in my garden were planted by him and still bring me special joy. My mom lives on through (among other things) food. She was a great cook, and I have all her handwritten recipes with her comments written in the margin. Using them is a nostalgic experience for me....I just made one of her favorite egg bakes this morning. We have raspberries on the side of the house that were transplanted from my great-grandfather's patch in Wisconsin. I guess you can say that they literally bring me back to my 'roots'. Little things can have great meaning.

feelingfeline

So true. I have some house plants that were grown by my Grandpa. He died in 1995.

edited to correct my typo to HOUSE plants, not HOSE plants (wonder what they would look like? )

Rosevalley

I am glad everyone sees their loved ones in the things they loved. Recipes and plants, music even might bring back the sweet memories of those past. It's good to know they live on like that.

I am tired today. It seems Thursday hits hard or the steroids wear off. Might be both. I got some sad news about our old 15 year old cat Percy. Not entirely unexpected. His kidneys are effected, BUN, Creatine up, calcium up, protein in his urine, anemic.. He's drinking water constantly. He will be 16 in September. His thyroid was well controlled. He has hyperthyroid disease. He's lost weight.. down to 7.5 pounds. He used to be 9 plus. Poor old man.. I love him dearly. We will try some antibiotics but I will not gothe whole fluid route.. it won't help and he would hate being stuck with an 18 gauge needle and pumped full of fluids. This will be his last summer laying in the garden in the sunshine basking in catness glory - king of his yard. He's been the "Best Cat Ever" it even says so in his chart BCE.. I asked the tech what it meant. He's so sweet. All things die despite being loved and cherished. I am most thankful to have had him as long as we have. I am happy I will be here to see him off and make sure he is comfy. I have enjoyed him so much.

queenmomcat

Definitely seeing family in cookbooks and plants for me; one of my prized books is an ooooolllld copy of The Vegetarian Epicure full of Mom's notations. As for plants, the "spring bulbs" was a story she relayed to me about a friend of hers who'd left instructions that all the people who attended his funeral got a packet of bulbs, and the strict injunction that they were to think of him every spring when the bulbs sprouted. For me, it's peonies/bleeding hearts and one specific rose bush, as yet unidentified, which she liked in my garden.

Kandy

Rosevalley, so sorry to hear that about your cat. Our animals are so much a part of our lives. I hope he has many more days left for you to enjoying him.

farmerlucy

Oh Rose - sorry about Percy. We lost our Ellie cat just a few weeks ago to the same thing. She too had thryroid disease that apparently can mask the kidney disease. We tried the Covenia, the antibiotic shot, and IMHO it hastened things along. It was sad losing her, but such a privilege to be there with her at the end. I hope your time with Percy is beautiful and comforting for both of you.

ruthbru

I am so sorry about Percy. My two cats, Henry & Oreo (who were cellmates at the Humane Society) turn 17 this fall. They are starting to show their age, so I'm very aware that our time special and limited. And how good it is that they and Percy can enjoy their basking in the garden days.

Rosevalley

Thank you for your support. I am so attached to our animals. They are fur family. We have another cat Zoey who is 13 and toothless and gimpy (limps) she and Percy adore each other. Zoey will look for Percy and wander around until she finds him and they will sleep together out on the chairs in the garden. It will be very hard on her to lose him. When he goes I want to make sure his body is presented to Zoey so she knows what happened to him. Percy would call to Zoey and they would chase each other playing..so cute. She will miss him. Our other cat Emmy is only 8 and is jealous of Percy. She frequently bullies Zoey and there is no love lost between them. Maybe Emmy will mellow when he is gone. She is a Siamese mix and very noisy and demonstrative. She can be super friendly and obnoxiously curious... just in your face! She is a character and my kids enjoy watching her. Her nick name is "Wilma bird killer" cause she is too good at catching birds. When the tohees are out we usher Emmy in. We also have a catio enclosure that I put Emmy in. It has a cat tower and perches to view the yard while being enclosed in wire. My DH built it and it's really nice. She must not mind being in it because when we go to get her out frequently she won't leave. We open the door and she refuses to come out. Percy used to kill mice, voles and birds but since he's old now he could care less. He just lays under the flowers in the sunshine and sleeps.

Farmer Lucy I am so sorry about your Kitty Ellie. Kandy you just lost Ashley too. We all have had to part with our sweet fuzzy faces. I will just enjoy Percy cat for as long as I get to have him.

ruthbru

You might enjoy this; for reasons known only to him, Oreo particularly likes sitting right on top of one unfortunate plant.

feelingfeline

Cats are wonderful (obviously!)

I so hope Percy does enjoy his days. Even when they are elderly and go to skin and bone they still have a way of finding the warm and sweet places. Sunshine to Percy. I never heard of a catio but am imagining one in my minds eye. Like what my BIL had attached to his house in Deland FL. A screen covered outdoor room?

farmerlucy - Ellie RIP

Kandy - Ashley RIP

Ruthbru I love the"cellmates" description. Lucky boys.

ruthbru

Henry, master of all he surveys.

ruthbru

Oop, I just posted the same picture twice......I thought I was on the Cats thread!

Rosevalley

This could be the cats thread since so many of us here love animals.. cats and dogs and kids. Ruth he's a lovely old man 17 years old.

I just found out that Blondie passed away. She was on hospice. Now she is free and probably enjoying herself. She was pretty funny and had a great spirit. So many wonderful women lost to BC. ugh.. I am still shell shocked to be here and able to eat and do things. It's a weird dynamic to be in.I am grateful to be here and surprised.

Hummingbird I am thinking of you and hoping your next treatment works as well as the Taxol. Hugs and prayers to Stephanie, Hope and M360. Much lovingkindness to all.

Hummingbird4

Rosevalley, thank you. My scans from Wednesday show progression and so, I'm finished with Taxol. I was on it for almost 6 months. Of course, I was hoping for way longer. On Tuesday I will discuss with my MO where to go from here. Very sad to hear of Blondie's passing. Always difficult.

I hope you are feeling better each day. I'm so glad that you are eating and out doing things. That's wonderful! Best wishes!

Rosevalley

Hummingbird I will pray for another treatment for you! Six months is good but not long enough. Fortitude.. this is hard changing treatments and never knowing what to expect next. It's hard mentally to be on something that was working, stops and start another.

My DD2 drove down and we had dinner together. Always fun to see her. We made vegan doughnuts and I swear the vegan ones were better then the regular ones. I bought a doughnut pan and been having fun making baked doughnuts. Bonding through baking. We all watched a movie. Simple pleasures. DD1 is here visiting and spending the night. Early in the day we drove up to camp to take DD3 and another girl visiting from Michigan out for lunch. It was so fun visiting and talking about families and college. Such a nice kid and great experience to spend the summer in a different state. Young people remind me that the future is going to be sweet. It was a good day being with kids.

I hope your weekend is wonderful. It's been cool and cloudy here high of 66 maybe. It's only 60 now.

Holeinone

Rose, sounds like a fantastic weekend. I agree with you, the more time we spend with younger people, the more confidence I have that the future will be just fine. Your energy seems pretty good. I have the severe fatigue from 6 Taxotere infusions. Scans next week to see how my liver & other mets are doing.

feelingfeline

Rose I was visiting my parents this morning and I borrowed the photo I wanted to show you and have scanned it in. This is my Dad in 1993 when he was still in his prime, 6 foot 4 inches. Beside him is a foxglove that seeded itself in their garden. Foxglove was well over 7 foot. Hopefully some of yours are going to top that!

Rosevalley

FeelingFeline- WOW that's a beauty of a foxglove and flowers all down the stock! I love the cottage gardens. I always thought I would get to visit Ireland and Sweden and never did. Thank you for sending me photos to see what I missed.

Holeinone- I am so sorry you have the fatigue from Taxoterre. I have been having back pain and have been able to medicate it into manageable. I get periods of feeling like I could nap on a dime... out cold. I just feel like this is my last summer and I better enjoy it. Kids make me feel young and I so enjoy listening to their hopes and adventures. I hope your treatments knock those liver mets into space.

It is cold and rainy this morning. Brrr. Hot coffee and a warm blanket. I turned the heat back on. It's July. Oy... I see the map on the news and most of the country is hot and humid. Enjoy these days.