My New Year's Resolution is to improve my sex life!

breathe

I know many of us are in the same boat. Dry, painful, joyless intercourse!! I have read many many posts on the subject, but haven't gotten very far. Currently we are averaging about once a month and I promised my husband that I would make more of an effort. I have the KY Liquibeads and Replens. I'm not great at using the replens so I can start by trying that a few times a week to see if it will help. I also read about VMagic on this site and that stuff is great. I don't think it's for intercourse but it doesn't dry out when used topically it really helps. OK so my questions are this.....Are you using anything that seems to help with the pain? Does it get better the more you "practice"? I haven't had an orgasm in who knows when. I'm on a low dose anti-depressant since completing treatments. I'm wondering if this makes it even worse. I'm not anxious to go off of it but would if it improves my sex life. And lastly if you've found anything that helps I'd love to hear about it! Thanks so much for your input. I'm grateful for this community!!

I don't have my signature set up. But I am ER+ and on hormone therapy Letrozole after a BMX, chemo and radiation. 42 yo.

ABeautifulSunset

breathe, what antibdeoressantvare you on? A few of them can have that side effect. But I am the same as you. No estrogen, no sex drive, dry and painful... Averaging about once a month. You are not alone.

Here is what I use. I use YES lubricant. It's from the UK. Look it up on google. When I first got it I used it every day, then I went to a couple of times a week, now I only use it when I know I'm going to have sex, but I think a few times a week makes better results all around. It's like moisturizing. Think of a desert. If you drop water on it, it'll absorb the water and be dry again, but if you consistently dropped water on the same spot, eventually that spot would become moist.

Also, we use a great lubricant during sex called Pjur. It's silky and not sticky. It makes it less painful, but not entirely and it's still uncomfortable.

SO, I had a sore in my mouth that wouldn't heal. My dentist prescribed 2% lidocaine gel liquid. I did some research and found it would be safe to use vaginally. last time we had sex, I put some on my finger and inserted it onto the spots that are painful. It actually really helped! I'm going to use a little more next time (this is very new) and see if I can get it perfect. I have high hopes, and as soon as my kids are back in school and I get over this cold, I will try it again and let you know.

Stefanie

breathe

Please do let me know on that! I have read a post about that before. I'd forgotten. Certainly doesn't increase the pleasure but at least if it didn't hurt.... The replens I have works the same way as a moisutizer. I need to start using it daily or at least a few times a week and see if that helps. I have an apt. with some clinic thru Sloan Kettering but they can't see me until March. I'll look up the side effects on the anti-depressant too. Thanks for that! I guess I just can't wrap my head around the thought that this is as good as it's going to get for me. My onc. said she'd prescribe some local estrogen stuff but I want to try everything else first.

amylsp

Breathe, welcome to the Boards! I use Luvena (like Replens, but a bit more natural ingredients) a few times a week before bed. I find it's a very important proactive treatment for keeping the vagina moistened and healthy. There have been a few times when I run out and don't use for a few weeks and I really notice the difference. The whole vaginal area and skin start to feel drier, thinner and more fragile. So for me anyway, I find it's important to keep using consistently.

As far as intercourse, finding a lube you like is essential. I use Sliquid organics, which I really like. I have a few plastic dispensers (I think replens comes with one), that I use to fill with lube and insert up into the vagina right before sex in addition to lube on the outer areas. Lots of lube is your friend even though it can get a little messy!

Some women will find all this is enough, but for me to have 'relatively' pain free sex I had to take it a few steps further. I have found that use of a dildo right before penetration works great to stretch out and prepare the area for intercourse. My DH and I just make it a part of foreplay. It has been great to help put me at ease and feel more relaxed about having sex. I know that if I can use the dildo comfortably, than penetration will not be painful, or much less painful anyway. On the occasions where it's still a bit too painful, I dab on a little 2.5% lidocane. Like Stefajoy said, it can really help!

Orgasms are great for vaginal health as they bring lots of blood to the area and help keep the vaginal/pelvic muscles in shape. Some sites recommend at least one orgasm a week for good vaginal health - doesn't matter if it's on your own or with your DH. Even before my cancer diagnosis, peri-menopausal changes were really effecting my ability to have an orgasm. Cancer treatments have now made it almost impossible for me to orgasm on my own. If having an orgasm is difficult, you might look into the use of a vibrator to help things along. Using one has helped me immensely!

The main thing is to just stay as proactive as you can.

momand2kids

Hi

I sympathize-this has been an issue for me for a while (I am 7 years out). So here are the things I have done--Replens (I have it on automatic delivery from Amazon), vibrator and use it regularly, and then in my last gyn exam I was dx with atrophy and sent to a pelvic floor PT-- we use dilators to extend the tissue and this year I started, with the approval of gyn and onc, vagifem- and I have to say, that one change has really made a difference in the pain.. in that I don't have any-so I am hoping to have better experiences this year as well!!!

It took me a long time to agree to vagifem-but my gyn did a great job of explaining it--and the fact was, she was having a hard time getting access to my cervix, and that made me more nervous than the vagifem….. I liked replens and I still use it, but it did not really help things for me… only the vagifem has made it easier for me, and all of the other stuff supports that.

Good luck!!

Cuculi

Hello ladies!

I am glad I found this discussion. I am really having trouble with my sex life and I am so frustrated. I was diagnosed 2013 with 36 years old. I am now 39 and I believe my marriage has survived only because of 2 main reasons: my 5 year old son and work. I mean we both work so we don't get to spend that much time together and my husband has been working so much and is always tired (his parents passed away 2012 and 2013 and he is now basically by himself in the business). 2015 I was diagnosed bone mets. So now: zoladex, zometa and xeloda. I got so depressed, so frustrated. Now feeling better (basically no pain and emotionally better except when I go to bed coz I start thinking too much) we have tried sex and it is impossible. I will be very specific... sorry about that but I see that this forum is for that: my skin outside doesn't stretch!!!! This means that the penis just can't go through. Way too painful. Today I tried for the second time and just couldn't. We used the balls and those were able to go through, it hurt but actually just when they went in but then it was ok and ok out. But intercourse no way.

I have used replens before and I am going to start using it again, however I am not sure if this time replens will help because I believe it is the elasticity of the skin. Right now I don't feel that dry.. I remember during 2013 chemo... sucked! Now I feel fine for everyday activities.... Dryness can be "fixed" with Iubricants but my problems go beyond dryness I believe. I have an appointment with my gyn next Wednesday and will ask. I will have also a second opinion with another gyn.

Stefajoy and amylsp: I think lidocaine is a good idea. Will buy it. Maybe if I put it half an hour before it can help to numb the area.

Amylsp: what kind of dildo you would recommend? As I said, balls worked but then tried intercourse and it just did not

Momand2kids: I have read about vaginal atrophy but is it only diagnosed or can I see by myself if I have it?

I really really enjoyed sex and now I don't. I actually prefer to masturbate so I still have some libido left... hahaha... don't know for what though. Sometimes I think I would be better on my own, no husband and just my female friends... Sometimes I feel I am now in another stage of my life, more spiritual... I just can't explain... and that sex is not really into this new stage, period, don't know how to call it. But when I am with my husband it sucks not being able to have sex...

Any suggestions are welcome!

Time to go to bed...I hate that moment of the day... I feel so sad... but tomorrow will be a new day

cyber kisses

zjrosenthal

Ladies, you might want to check out online the clinical trial Sloan Kettering is doing with an over the counter lubricant called HyaloGYN . It can only be ordered online. Love, Jean

amylsp

@ Cuculi

Not to be too graphic, but the best way to make a dildo work for you is to measure the circumference of your husband's penis when erect, and buy a dildo that closely matches that measurement. In this instance, circumference is the all important measurement, not length. It might be that the balls you used were simply not wide enough in circumference to approximate your husband's girth. I found it was helpful to buy a few dildos, starting out with a smaller circumference and working my way up to one that was similar in size to my husband. This process took me a few months, but it was worth it.

https://www.bigsextoystore.com/

This is by far the best site I found for purchasing a dildo online. There is a huge selection, and they provide very detailed measurements, including circumference. Good luck! Feel free to PM me if you need more specific info.

EDIT: Forgot to add, if the measurement section just lists a number for 'width', multiply by 3.14 to get the approximate circumference.

momand2kids

Cucili

Ask gyn about vaginal atrophy--it is not uncommon and she might be able to get you some pelvic floor therapy-which can help the tissue stretch. The first time I saw the therapist, I hurt before she even touched me-I was that sensitive. And while the therapy helped, I think the vagifem is what lubricated the thin tissue in the vagina to make it more "plump" and really, there is no pain now-- the therapy helped stretch the tissue inside that had sort of shriveled after treatment and the vagifem plumped up the vaginal walls on the "outside" to make it easier to penetrate. Still getting used to it-but I try to be religious using the therapy tools and h and I are closer to actually making it happen!!

Cuculi

Thanks amylsp and momand2kids for your reply!

Sorry for my delay in answering and saying thank you!

Regarding dildos it is exactly what I have been thinking to do... Sometimes I am just kind of tired of trying and trying coz I am feeling better myself and that "area" is kind of frustrating. But my resolution is to do something about it. Thus I will follow your suggestion.

Regarding gyn, he is a guy in his early 60s and very nice. He told me basically there was nothing wrong. He recommended HyaloGYN. I am using replens which for dryness works great, but the problem is not there. So, I am looking for a woman gyn for a second opinion. My problem is elasticity at the "entrance" of the vagina. Anywas, I will start trying. I read that the liquid from vitamin E works as well...

Do you know the differences between vagifem and replens and hyalogyn? will ask the gyn but I was wondering if anyone new.

Thanks and cyber hugs!

luckylegs64

Breathe,

I am hoping you are still checking this post. I just had the first of 3 Thermiva treatments for the challenges you listed above. It's literally a miracle. Please look into it and do your research. I have tried everything else and had an appointment to go ahead and get a bioidentical estrogen cream...out of desperation! Then I learned about Thermiva. Did I say amazing??

Cuculi

I have checked thermiva videos and have already find a place to do it. Hope todo it soon!!

Thanks for the tips!