My close friend and neighbor is having surgery - how do I help?

aokcrl

My neighbor and close friend is having surgery this week - left breast removed - and she is so scared. She has been very private about her diagnosis so not many people know who can also be supportive. We talk every week about what's happening and her fears, her family (she has 5 kids), and what she's going through. I try not to be overly fake-positive, acknowledge her feelings, support her emotionally, recognize that it's scary and it sucks, and just listen. I will be helping her with meals and the kids and errands, etc, but what do I say? How do I help her envision a future? I don't know what kind of chemo or treatment she'll need, but she's very anxious and extremely nervous. I just need advice on how to be helpful and supportive friend, I've never been through this before. Thank you for any advice!

ShetlandPony

It sounds like you are doing great. I'd say continue to take your cues from her. Sometimes she may want to talk about it, and other times she may want to take a mental break and forget about it for a while and talk about "normal" things.

Smurfette26

Your neighbour is very lucky to have a friend like you. My neighbour has been amazing too. I appreciate it so much.

Moderators

Aokcrl-

What a wonderful friend you are! Just continue to be there as she needs; sometimes, people keep the scary things to themselves so as not to scare their loved ones, so being a sounding board for her is probably so helpful right now. Here is some info on mastectomy recovery that might help, as she gets ready for her surgery: http://www.breastcancer.org/treatment/surgery/mast....

The Mods

MN_Sunshine

I think you are doing great and I am so thankful she has you. Have continued patience with her. She is on a roller coaster ride. We all try to be strong but this diagnosis, surgery and treatment can rip you apart emotional and physically. We try to be strong for our family and try to show people we are strong and that we can do it all and reality is.......we can't and it is hard to ask for help.

If you accidentally say something that does not come out of your mouth right......just say a sincere "sorry" and let her know sometimes you do not have the right words. This has happened to me and I was over tired and over sensitive.

If she likes a glass of wine or a beer. Let her know when she needs some "girl friend" time to let you know. I emailed my close girl friends to let them know when we get together that I don't want to talk about it (cancer). I want girl time and act like everything is normal. Those "girl friend" days feel AMAZING!! We did a Aveda Institute spa day (facials and make up) and a situation happened before we left and I laughed so hard I fell off the couch. That memory is PRICELESS!!

Take care and suggest her to visit breastcancer.org. I do not post much but I read a lot which has helped me. There is so much information on this site.

Smurfette26

My dear neighbour just popped over for a coffee. I surprised her with a thank you gift. A lovely basket of goodies my daughter helped me put together. I know it was neither expected or needed but made me feel good to do something nice for her as she has been so kind to me.