Going down the abyss

Kiks1

I was just diagnosed 3 days ago with idc grade 2, don't know much else yet. I feel like I am drowning. I am paranoid, angry, and depressed. Seems like every day I am experiencing new aches and twitches which are causing fears of metastatic status. All of a sudden, symptoms I was having a couple months back are bringing new fears that they are related to the spread of the cancer. This wait is horrendus but what if the results are worse! I even worry that my negativity will impact on my prognosis.

Unfortunately, my family is very far but truth is, other than my in laws, no one else has really reached out except for a sympathetic email. I don't have many friends either. The last group of friends ( 5 sisters and their family) became estranged about 2 years back when the friendship became toxic, filled with jealousy and I had to remove myself from the situation. I figured if they knew about my bc they would actually be happy something bad finally happened to me. Sad. My one good friend retired to Austin last year. I feel so alone and if it has not been for the support I have received here I probably would be gone by now. So, a very sincere thank you to all of you for giving me a lifeline. 

I had spent the last 2 of 3 days in bed and reading everything on this forum. The survival stories have given me so much hope ( by the way, I will post my mil story in the 10 year thread and hope others will get some positivity from it) she has been a big help. How do you let go and have faith? Sob.I am so scared and I hate how my DH and daughter is having to deal with it as well.

Skittlegirl

The time between diagnosis and meeting with the docs for the treatment plan is the worst. Really, just try to keep distracted as much as possible. I worked on a puzzle to try and keep my mind off the diagnosis. Maybe call into your PCP about some anti-anxiety meds to help you through these next few days. Once you meet with the doctors, have more info, and have a plan you will feel much more prepared.

AndreaJ50

Kiks1, I am sorry you are in the club now. But at least you will never be alone, there are so many ladies here to help you through this. It is a scary time for sure. We have all been in the position you are in. Once you have a full diagnosis and treatment plan it gets easier. Truly!!

I found I went through the stages of grief after my dx. Once I recognized this it made it easier to cope.

When I was feeling down I would read the posts from long term survivors. It was very encouraging.I also started binge watching Netflix to take my mind off things.

Hugs,

• Andrea

msphil

hello sweetie im glad u found us and u are not alone come here often for company and support so hang in there and for more Inspiration i am a 21yr Survivor(Praise God) we know what u feeling i stay to Insire those goin thru.msphil idc stage2 0\3nodes Lmast chemo before n after surgery and 5 yrs on tamoxifen).

mustlovepoodles

I agree with the others. The waiting time is just the worst. You are a smart girl to read things on this site. There is so much scary misinformation on the web. I think once you get a plan in place you will feel more in control.

Kiks1

Thank you everyone. I pray this experience will make me a better human being. Your generosity and kindness has greatly touched me and I promise I will, from here on out, be a kinder, less critical, and more forgiving person. My 16 year old daughter has been taking on the responsibility of caring for me ( in spite and despite a very hectic schedule) and shd has been my saving grace. I think she is doing a better job than the dh ( shh, no one says a word). Believe it or not, she is aspiring to be an oncologist( decided on this 8 months ago, kind of ironic), and so I hope this journey will give her valuable insight from the patient's point of view. My prayer is that I will  be around long enough for her to be my next oncologist.

My sincerest thank you to all on this board. Have a very wonderful and beautiful Christmas.