It sucks!

MoreShoes

You can ignore this msg, I just want to cry and vent. This is a place where ppl understand me, that's why I came here. I've cancer for the third time. It's again triple negative. This time IBC. I'm going to be 47 next week and it seems I'm not going to make it to 50. I'm not ready to die yet. They talk about chemo, if it doesn't work to get a higher dose, to join a clinical trial, I'm scared. I had twice chemo already, nobody knows how my heart is going to cope with all of these.

S**t, f**k, I can't act "normal" anymore. In the meantime I realize that there's not enough time left and try to enjoy myself but right now I just want to cry.

What did I do wrong? I didn't eat enough broccoli and drink green tea? Are my genes so screwed?

Thank you for listening.

Mamiya

MoreShoes, I have triple negative IBC and I'm going to be 47 in a couple of days and I AM going to make it to 50. So will you. Dammit. Really, we have to think that way. You should absolutely positively definitely go talk to your primary care doc and get some xanax or something so you can stop freaking out. I totally get the freaking out but it isn't good to be constantly in that state of negativity. I posted something like this a while back too so NOT criticizing even a tiny bit - you have every right to be pissed off. But what are you going to do about it, that's the real question? Fight, obviously. And not alone. There are lots of people in your corner. Count me as a friend who gets it, if that helps at all.

MoreShoes

Oh Notdoneyet, thank you. I know I'm going to fight, I've done it twice before. It's just that today I got all the information and I'm at a low, just came here to cry, not to depress anybody.

I don't know which cocktail I'll drink on your birthday, probably a TAC and not a cosmopolitan.

Mamiya

It's OK, cry and vent away, that's one of the reasons this place exists. If you can have a cosmo please do, I'll be thinking of you. Hugs and hope you can take a hot shower or go for a walk or scream into a pillow and feel a little better. And yeah, it does suck, you nailed that.

Jackbirdie

MoreShoes- you cry and kick and scream. This is so very unfair. You are in the right place. No judgement here. Just a warm hug. I'm so sorry.

Best to you also Notdone. Stay strong. Hugs.

Luvmydobies

MoreShoes, you've come to the right place to cry and vent! It does suck and I'm sorry you're dealing with this again! With that said, you did NOTHING wrong! Cancer sucks and it's scary but you did NOT cause it to come back! We're here for you! ((((((HUGS)))))

jenjenl

sh*t and fu*k are right damn it. Def get a 2nd opinion on treatment options. Trials are definitely worth exploring.

I just wanted to say cuss away and punch a hole in the wall...get it out. Tomorrow you will put your "moreshoes" on and stomp the crap out of it again. Get it girl. xo

littleblueflowers

This song has nothing to do with cancer, but its all about fighting for what you deserve.Kick some ass, there, Shoes! It sucks is right. No two ways about it. Don't let anyone tell you you shouldn't be angry. You can use that anger to fight, as you know. We are lined up behind you, flaming swords drawn, LOL.