The docs are scaring me

myajames

So.. I have problem breasts. If Bonquiqui were taking an order for my left breast... it would definitely be a "complicated order". Fibroblah blahs, intraductual papilloma, and scar tissue. As a result, a see the boob doc every 3-6 months. I recently noticed that my scar tissue was different. Sore.. more palpable then normal. I had a hysterectomy in 2008, but still have my ovaries, so I assumed that maybe my hormones were doing something funky.

I go to the boob doc... The RN does an ultrasound. She doesn't see anything to concerning... but she sends me to get a mammogram.

The next day I have a mammo done, followed by some 3D mammo fanciness, then another ultrasound, this time one that is more sensitive , then a color ultrasound... then a decision to do a biopsy same day. I appreciate how fast everyone is working. I really do. I know waiting sucks, as I've been in the wait club many times before. However, the rushing light weight scared the ish out of me.

During the biopsy

Me: Does it look like a cyst?

Doc: No

Me: Does it look like another papiloma ?

Doc: No. I don't like the way this looks at all.

I think to myself.. That is not the right answer. She is supposed to say, I'm not sure what it is, but we will know for sure when the biopsy results come back. But.. I tell myself most biopsies are benign... and before i know the procedure is over.

I spend the rest of the day trying to psych myself out... I tell myself... It's scare tissue. The doctors are confused.

Today.. the RN calls and says... Based on the stains that were ordered (i think this is what she said... something about a stain), it's not looking good, and although they don't have a positive or negative result yet.. she wanted to go ahead and schedule a surgery and oncology appointment for me. I should have preliminary results tomorrow, and full pathology on Monday.

A couple of questions.

1. Why call me today at all when you will have preliminary results tomorrow!! Are you trying to scare the hell outta me?

2. Do they know something I don't know?

3. Is it to early to be freaking out. I'm at work hiding in a conference room typing this, because I am officially freaking out!

Optimist52

I firmly believe that all doctors should only inform a patient of their findings when they are 100% certain of them. This has happened to me and I find it unprofessional and very insensitive. My MO has said some pessimistic things to me which have caused me some pain, and yet she doesn't really know for sure how things will turn out for me. Surely all medical staff are taught about how to talk to patients in med. school? You have every right to feel the way you do.

myajames

Thanks Optimist52! I'm trying to be level headed and mature about this situations. It is not easy.

Mamiya

So many people have said "don't freak out until you are sure it's something worth freaking out over" which I think is great advice. I know that is so much easier said than done though! I can't believe they called you to say "this doesn't look good" without knowing specifics, what in the heck are you supposed to do with that?? I had a surgeon say some scary things to me in a speculative way and I literally said "stop talking, you are guessing, I am leaving" and did leave and met my MO later in the day and got scans so no guessing and got a better start but it took a week and it was agony (I wish that stupid surgeon had kept his wondering to himself, I saw him in the hall the other day and got a sinking feeling just from seeing him!) So, hugs to you and try not to freak out at this point, you don't even know what to freak out about!

myajames

Notdoneyet!

The thing is, I know the RN. She feels up my boobs every 3 months are so. She was really trying to be helpful. The worry and concern in her voice made me worry, and even more.. I felt bad that she thought I felt bad. It's crazy, isn't it?

Going to spend the evening Nerf gunning with my 3 boys. I really appreciate your response. I'm really gonna try not to drive myself crazy.

Woodylb

myajames,

I am so sorry you are so scared and anxious, but whatever your doctors saw, they should not mention it to you unless they have full results. However , when if they see somehting suspicious , they usually can guess on percetenge that it may not be goid. Still do not panic until you get the full results. Good luck to you.

Anonymous

Notdoneyet, I have often posted to our newbies that "there is nothing there until told otherwise". It's really not worth the worry as stress causes illness to be worse. myajames, 'it does not look good' but it also does not mean bad - "until told otherwise". Please hold on to that at least until tomorrow. Imbecile med staff, you would think they would know better as they deal with people worrying everyday. It's not like they are unaware. Geez...

myajames

Thanks ladies! I haven't freaked my freak all the way out yet. Holding steady.

Anonymous

myajames, you will be okay - you have a sense of humor and that goes a long way.

Kicks

What's a "Bonquiqui"? Sounds like some sort of a medieval torture device.

myajames

LOL Patoo.. I can definitely do funny. Maybe I little to much.

KayB, I am happy that this process hasn't been prolonged. A bit of a whirlwind.

Kicks... Bonquiqui is a character from MadTv. Please look it up!

PezGal

I'm a big fan of "don't worry till there's reason to worry", and even then, there's really no point to it. As an avid life long worrier though, this was not easy for me. I found jumping head first into distractions (nerf gun fights, tv, rice crispies, sudoko) helps. But, as patoo said, not good is also not bad. Stay positive!

I can top you crappy nurse story though... When I went in to investigate a lump, sort of on a whim, after the ultrasound/biopsy I sat up and the dr rubbed my shoulder and was like "I'm sorry". Sorry for what? wtf? I was confused. He's like "I'm sure it's only stage 1 or 2." WTF? Then the nurse goes "Don't worry. No one dies from breast cancer anymore." WTF?!?!? I had to go back to these turds pre-surgery to get the dye or whatever it is injected so they could find the lymph nodes and the same dr asks me if I have a heavy family history of cancers since I turned up BRCA1+. I told him no and actually the ladies in my family live into their late 90's and I had planned on it too. Then this new nurse goes "Well, I couldn't stand being around my family that long." Please then, nurse lady, trade places with me... Ugh. Sometimes doctors and nurses mean well, I really think a lot of them do, but they are just wrong. Seriously, I thought bedside manner would be a topic in med school?

myajames

@PezGirl

Oh man! That is crazy! I'm sure they mean well, but that is terrible bed side manner.

As for me... I'm just here waiting for the phone to ring like an 8th grade girl who gave her number out for the first time.

Colt45

I've always been told "don't go there until you get there". There are too many false positives. To many scares that turned out okay--not only with initial results but also with testing for recurrence. Even when professionals act as if it's dire. God bless.

Kicks

myajames - Thank you for letting me know that 'bonquiqui' is a fictitious character on Mad TV. Not worth wasting any of my time to 'check it out' as far as I am concerned. Thank you though.

myajames

@kicks... Please know.. I meant.. Please look it up.. as in.. It's funny and I'd like to share... Not as in .. you should have looked it up to know who she is...

Connotation is hard online sometimes

cjafarm

myajames - appointments can always be canceled if not needed. This time of year getting a doctor's appointment can be difficult with so many wanting procedures done because of insurance deductibles.

Hopefully, she is just trying to be sure she can get you in to see the doctors if needed.

debiann

After my mammo, an ultrasound and biopsy were scheduled very quickly. I think from the mammo alone they new it was bad. After the biopsy was finished and I was dressed, the radiologist talked to me and said "It will take a week to get the biopsy results, but I want to prepare you, this is cancer." I still spent the week googling and searching for a benign explanation. I completely convinced myself it was going to be necrosis from a previous injury to the breast, but it wasn't. I hope for you it turns out to be benign, but if its not at least you won't be shocked, you had some time to gradually get used to the idea and spend some time on these boards educating yourself. If it is cancer, you will be happy that appointments were scheduled and things can move forward quickly. I've read of some waiting weeks or months to get appointments. That is much harder.

myajames

Update:

Goodish news. LCIS in SITU ER+ PR+ and HER 2+. They seem to think that the HER2 Positive may increase the risk of me having an invasive form of cancer, but they would not know until after surgery or MRI. I was also schedule for an MRI. I think they want to make sure I don't have anymore weirdness happening.

I am meeting with the docs on Monday. Hopefully I can push off surgery to the middle of December. I have a trip planned to the Philippines.

Thanks ladies for keeping me company. Off to the LCIS board.