My mom has metastatic breast cancer

alyna9416

Hello everyone!

Well, the title says everything. 

My mom had been diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer in August 2014, she did neoadjuvant chemo, then surgery. Mastectomy plus they removed the lymphnodes on her left armpit; margins clear and lymphnodes negative. But the chemo didn't work so well, in fact on the lump there were a lot of area of necrosis.

So mom did other chemo after surgery, but when she stopped doing chemo on July 2015, some pimples come out on her scar. 

She did mri, and it showed a lot of little nodules on her left side of the chest. Then doctors scheduled a little surgery to remove another lump and see what was that.

In the mean time, those pimples grow and grow, end there huge pimples that "ate" her scar.

Then we found out that those pimples were triple negative again. 

So mom did radiation plus chemo.

Doctors were thinking that the radiation could solve the problem, but there are some bumps that weren't, unfortunately, covered by the radiation.

The disease keeps growing and the doctros have already told us that we're not going to a bright direction.

Mom doesn't know about her situation. Me and dad are hiding this situation from her, because she's very sensible.

The ugly side of this tumor (it's a skin mets) it's that you see where the disease is going. Also her right breast is all red and full of pimples.

It's so hard...I am just 21 years old. All my relatives live in America (we live in Italy). 

Mom keeps doing her treatment and I always say to her, to keep fighting and to have hope. 

She's so strong and she doesn't want to die. 

I really try my best at home, I do all the things at home, my brother and dad really help me. But it's so hard. 

I mean I am glad to take care of mom, and stay by her side. But there are moments where my mind starts to think too much. 

Thanks for reading the post.

chrissyb

Hi Alyna and welcome. It's very hard to know that someone you love dearly is going to die and die from a rotten disease like Breast Cancer. Like all Mum's, yours just wants to be here for her family so she will keep fighting no matter what but you must be prepared to allow your Mum to know the full extend of her disease so she can make up her own mind on what she needs to do.

I'm sure, that in her own mind she already knows.

For yourself, try not to let your mind go too far into the future..........just get through each and every day as it comes and it may help to make things a little easier. I know it's hard not to think but do try to live in the moment and get as much joy from that moment as possible. Even though you are doing all for your Mum, please don't forget that you also need some time for yourself otherwise you may find that it will all get too much.

These boards are great for letting out what you are thinking so come here often and unburden yourself.

Love n hugs. Chrissy

amine

Hi Alyna,

My heart goes out to you! It's the most difficult thing to care for someone you love so dearly and watch them suffer, knowing what you know.

I lost my sister in August to pancreatic cancer and now my sister-in-law is just starting chemo for stage three breast cancer. She lives with me, is deaf and does not speak and is illiterate. It's so very hard to stay in a good state of mind when you're already grieving. But you must find time for yourself to meditate, practice yoga or whatever you enjoy,and deep breathing This will help keep your mind from wandering or at least lead your thoughts to useful places.

Talk with your Mom about her feelings. I know she wants to talk to you about them. My sister did and it was important to her.

I have a friend that is also dealing with cancer and she said the worst part is that her family doesn't want to talk about her issues and acts like it will just go away, but she wants to talk and feels very alone, even though they are there.

You will find it very difficult at first but so important.

I send you love and prayers that your family needs so much during these trying times young lady

dtad

Hi hon. What a great daughter you are. Im not sure if they have palliative care or hospice care in Italy. They can be extremely helpful in your moms situation. It doesn't mean your giving up, just a way to get support during this difficult time. Good luck and keep us posted....

alyna9416

Thank you to all of you and your kind words. 

Unfortunately, my mom has lost her battle and she left us. The only thing I can say is that now she's not suffering any more. 

She kept saying I am not scared of chemo, surgery or radiation, I will keep fighting. She's always been brave and faced every struggle and hard time with smile. She used to say to me and my little brother and my dad, I am fighting for you. We have to do so many things. 

She used to tell me, I can't see you get married, you brother too...be a granny...

Life is unpredictable. Every single moment is special.

alyna9416

Hello everyone, thanks for your kind words. 

Mom has left us, it will be 5 months in a few days. She was strulling so much in the pain. The only thing that gives me a bit of relief that she's not suffering anymore. We didn't tell her truth, but I think she knew. But she kept saying I am not scared of treatments, surgery, radiation...

Sometimes I get mad at God, why he didn't give more time for mom...

It was so hard, really. She was imagining so many things, see my brother graduating from high school, see me and my brother married, have grandchildren...she would have been a great granny...

She was a fighter, and very optimistic and had always faith. Always have a smiley face. 

But she lost her battle.  

I know mom will be always with us. Love you, mom.

Pessa

So sorry to hear of your loss.