How Will My Family's Lives Change After Surgery

Frill

I'm one of those do everything myself people. I moved in with my fiance and his 20-year old daughter 7 months ago. She and her sister have known for less than a week, sort of what's going on. That's a little less than what I know. I don't work here, so I really have no friends here to call on for support that are in town.

The doctor said my surgery will be a day surgery or an overnight stay where I can travel back home after another overnight stay in town. After that, two weeks of recovery, then 4-6 weeks of radiation. I'll be out of town for that, so they'll be fending for themselves and my sister will tie me to the bed.

My question is about post-surgery recovery and even after radiation - My future-DH (is that a term lol?) just says, "I'll take care of you." I'm thinking, "You're gone from 4:30am to 5:30pm." I do 90% of the housework because I just really can't stand to be in a messy house. And I REALLY can't stand to be sick in a messy house. That's the first thing that will get me even more depressed. I'm the type of person who goes outside with a walker (car accident/head injury) to water plants because no one did it.

I've said "two weeks recovery" - when I had aneurysm surgery it days, and they weren't around for that. It also didn't involve these tubes and stuff y'all talk about. My bf can't pick up dog poop off the floor and he swears he can deal with some kind of open wound?! I don't think it's getting in my future step-daughter's head that her life is definitely going to be different because, well, I can't clean up after her, and she may have to change some social time to help here.

Not to mention we have 5 small dogs in the house to take care of - of which I do exclusively. Baths, feeding, meds, etc.

I've read all the tips about what caregivers can do to make things easier, that stuff seems easy, it's the specific caring for and THE MAID ISN'T GOING TO CLEAN THE HOUSE BUT SHE'S GOING TO WANT IT CLEAN message that doesn't seem to get across.

So, can I hear what it was like for you and your families, so I can clearly convey precisely how I'll need help (ugh, I hate even typing it) after surgery, after radiation. Then I guess we can have a family meeting or something to discuss the specifics - someone else will have to vacuum, I can't walk dogs, whatever. I've been needing to hire a housekeeper to come in, but that was always a word of mouth thing and I don't know anyone to ask. A housekeeper once a week would put my mind at ease.

Another rambling post - I swear in my real-life job I'm not like this.

123JustMe

Hi,

I feel the same way as you. Long story short...I found someone to come in and clean once a week on Thumbtack. com.

Works well!

Sue-61

http://www.cleaningforareason.org

Frill, try this site! This could be just what you are looking for.

rainnyc

Frill, you have to prioritize. If you have the money, a once a week housecleaning is a beautiful thing, and so is a dog walker. You are not going to be able to walk the dogs right after surgery. You didn't say what the surgery is, though. I live with my DH and DS, who is 16. I do most of the housework, because I'm the one who notices when it needs doing. DH did vacuum once after surgery, and he did several loads of laundry. Could your fiancé take a few days off work? Mine was able to block off two days, which was very helpful. DS was helpful with specific requests (i.e. unload the dishwasher) but has homework and extracurriculars. I did notice that when I was in the first stages of recovery from surgery, I just didn't care too much about how the house looked. I couldn't do anything about it, and all I cared about was how I felt. Later, I noticed, but I couldn't do much. I had to save up my energy very carefully. I had a bmx: there was a turning point around the 3 week mark when I felt more energetic, and then at the 4 week mark I really started to feel as if I had come back. But I'm still not 100%: yesterday I cleaned the bathtub and had to sit on the couch for an hour afterwards.

I'd think the top priority would be the dogs. If neither fiancé or his daughter are home, you really will have to hire a dog walker. I know it's overwhelming now. Be good to yourself and don't try to do too much.

ml143333

I was able to use cleaningforareason.org and they were helpful, but they only come once a month and stay for 1 hour. You won't be able to do a whole for a bit depending on your surgery and post op instructions. If you are concerned with cleaning don't think your fiancé and his daughter will pitch in to clean their own house, then you may want to enlist a cleaning service before your surgery.

I would suggest hiring a dog walker for your pets if no one in the house will help with them. You may also want to see about having a mobile pet groomer come to the house to bath them. My parents did that when my mom had her hip surgery.

When I had my BMX, my house wasn't as clean but honestly I didn't care. What needed to get done was done. My husband either did it or my kids did. Hopefully you can have a sit down talk with your fiancé and her daughter about what your needs and requests are.

Jelson

Frills - don't assume you will be exhausted by the radiation or will need to be tied down by your sister to keep you from being too active. Any activity restrictions will be based on your recovery from surgery. Do you have any of the house cleaning companies in your area, like The Maids? perhaps that would be the route for you with the work/schedule to your specifications. I love your attitude, every so often you drop a bombshell - the aneurism, the accident, the walker. You are amazing and I think you will do fine.

Brutersmom

Frill you didn't say what type of surgery or I am missing it when I read your post. What type of surgery will make a difference. I was back to work on a limited basis 2 days after my lumpectomy and sentinel node Biopsy. I worked and actually found walking the dogs was very therapeutic during radiation. I think it helped with the fatigue. I did crash at the end of the 3rd week but was back on track after a restful weekend.

Frill

You didn't miss it - I don't even know yet! : / MRI and genetic counseling this week will confirm if I can go with a lumpectomy or not. Doctor believes stage 1, but this is my second doctor and she is confirming previous findings. Her hope is lumpectomy, but doesn't want my heart set on it, just in case, especially because I have LCIS and this is a ILC.