waiting for it to sink in

BRCA1positive

I'm 33 years old, no kids, never been married, and now I have cancer.  I feel like a zombie.  I've cried a little, but haven't had the meltdown yet.  Honestly I think I'd feel better if I just fell apart and had a good cry, but it hasn't come.  I just got the biopsy results yesterday, have an appointment with the surgeon on Monday.  I'm feeling nothing.  Yes, I'm scared.  I find myself in nurse mode (I'm an RN), making appointments, researching, and telling my mom and dad that I'll be alright.  Monday can't come soon enough.  I know I'll have to have surgery, but will I have to have radiation and chemo?  I wish I would just burst out in tears...it's justified.  I wish I would feel something other than anxiety.  How long after your diagnosis did you feel the emotional effects?

MsPharoah

BRCA1, You are totally justified to burst out in tears. It just isn't fair that you have to go through this, nor is it fair for any of us. The waiting after diagnosis is the absolute worst time because there is so much still unknown. This is a hard time and you should be gentle on yourself and allow yourself to be sad. For me, the emotional effects started to fade when I had my complete treatment plan....after pre-surgery tests, surgery, the oncotype and visits with my doctors, mapping it all out. Once that was done, I was in cancer-killing mode, completely focused on my treatment. I think knowing that you are doing all you can to kill the cancer keeps the anxiety at bay, at least for me. Once active treatment was over, I had a bit of "funk" that I had to deal with, because it does feel that the rug is being pulled out from under you and you are alone because you don't have a lot of dr. appointments..... but that also passes. I think this is a process that you have to sadly endure, but make sure you reach out to someone, a trusted friend, your doctors for support. I think the way you are keeping busy is a good way to cope, actually. I cleaned out all my closets and drawers when I was at this time, so at least something positive was accomplished. LOL This site is very good for sharing experiences. Knowing you are not alone and that you are loved is a great comfort.

Love and Hugs, MsP

Skittlegirl

Is someone going with you to the meeting on Monday? Waiting is hard. I found the day of the meeting to be one of the hardest days. Just nervous and wanting to have it over and done with. And actually after meeting with him, I did feel a lot better.

For me, he sent me to chemo first. For one, he wanted chemo to wipe out any cells that might be circulating. He also was concerned that if we did surgery first and there was a complication, it would delay chemo. Radiation was initially off the table unless the radiation oncologist felt it was needed. But then the lymph node biopsy came back positive, so now radiation follows surgery.

As for the emotional part, there's no wrong response. I didn't have a breakdown even though my ob/gyn warned me it would hit me over the weekend when she called me. I just am not very emotional, so it's been more processing it through reading and focusing on my upcoming appointments.

BRCA1positive

I do have great support, my parents and my boyfriend.  My boyfriend is coming to the meeting with me on Monday.  It's just so strange, I'm privately very emotional I just don't show it in public.  But even in private I feel stale.

BRCA1positive

Finally got my hands on the pathology report. It's invasive! Grade 3! how can it be that serious when it's so small?!?!? Couldn't go to work today, I was so upset. I was prepared for DCIS, not IDC. Now not only am I afraid of surgery and radiation therapy, but what if it's in my lymph nodes. The appointment with the surgeon can't happen quick enough. I can't think of anything else. Still feel like I'm in a trance. I'm too young for this sh!t. I want Monday to come now! I've been trying to gather records for my appointment and write down my questions. Anyone have some wisdom?

Skittlegirl

Yeah, it was disappointing when mine was invasive too. Has the surgeon ordered an MRI?

123JustMe

So sorry BRCA! Do you know what the hormone & HER2 status is? The waiting is so hard now. Once you have all the information and come up with a treatment plan you will see that the treatments are doable. Sending {{{Hugs}}}

CinderellaNC

I have just completed my four rounds of chemo and had a lumpectomy and will have a bilateral mastectomy in November. I really do agree with what so many people say about first getting that cancer diagnosis. It was truly the most difficult part of my cancer journey so far, just getting that diagnosis and waiting almost two weeks before I could get in to see a surgeon and finding out exactly what I was up against. Once I had the lumpectomy and knew the full pathology report I adapted to the idea of yes I had cancer and a lot of women get it and it is very treatable and curable. No one wants to join the cancer club but it happens to one in eight woman and many have been successful in dealing with it, treating it, curing it and going on with their lives. It is just an awful lot to process when you are first stunned with the news that you have breast cancer. I had no signs, symptoms, health issues, family history. It was picked up early on a diagnostic X-ray and it was a total shock. Once you find out all of the particulars of your breast cancer and have your doctors and have a treatment plan in place I bet a good deal of your anxiety,fear, worry and uncertainty will be alleviated. You will move into the active process of treating and beating your cancer. My lumpectomy wasn't difficult to recover from and my four rounds of chemo were not nearly as tough as I expected. I am choosing to do the bilateral mastectomy over radiation. You can fight this battle and come out the other side stronger for it! I really think what you are experiencing and dealing with right now is the toughest part of the battle. Give your self time to process it and expect with time and perspective things will look better because they will

BRCA1positive

the MRI is how they found it to begin with. The mammogram and ultrasound came after.

BRCA1positive

I guess the estrogen was weakly positive and the progesterone and HERS2 was negative. That's if I'm reading the report correctly.

BRCA1positive

Thanks for the support ladies, I really appreciate it.

JerseyRenee01

As I sit here wide awake at almost 5 am, can't sleep, I turn to these boards! I was diagnosed yesterday. It has been such a rough week then waiting on biopsy results to confirm what I already knew. I have DCIS. Stage 0. I am so overwelmed! My head is spinning & stomach is sick. I had a consult with nurse practitioner of breast surgeon yesterday after finding out. That appt was made before I found out. I am sorry to hear about what you are going through along with every other woman dealing with this! This is a great place for support!