Helping my mum

Sophiec

hi all,

Just found out this evening that my mum has breast cancer. I feel like a truck has hit me I'm a complete wreck. My mum is the most important person in my life. Next week treatments and further tests start to make sure it hasn't spread anywhere else. I can't stop crying even thinking about this tough journey ahead is panicking me. How do I become the strong person that my mother needs. Any advice on how to cope?

Thanks for giving me a place to talk about my worries

MelanieBC

Welcome Sophie. I was in a similar situation as you just over a month and a half ago when my mom was diagnosed. I can't tell you that it was easy because it wasn't. It was brutal. I cried for two days in bed while she went through testing. What I can say is that it does get easier and things get calmer. The unknown is a very scary thing and until we knew all of the details, it was very scary and stressful. Now that she has had surgery and there is a treatment plan in place, things are much clearer and easier to deal with.

What type of cancer and stage was your mom diagnosed with?

If you ever want to chat, send me a private message.

Big hugs

Sophiec

hi Mel,

Thank you for your response, I really appreciate the support. It's very early days for us in regards to stage and type. My mother has appointments next week to check if its spread and find out her treatment opinions. I'm sure there is more facts to discuss but last night when we all found out I haven't stopped crying since so maybe today I can sit down with mum and get all the scary stuff that needs to be discussed in the open. I just don't know if the shock is ever going to wear off. How do I even mention it to close friends and other family members.

Italychick

Sophiec, as a mom with a 36 year old daughter, all I can say is please don't cry. I don't want my daughter scared for me or for herself and I would give anything to change what has happened. All I want from my daughter is for life to maintain as much normalcy as possible. We never know how much time we will have together, cherish every day.

I went through all the scary as hell scans, and get more test results tomorrow, which I hope will be good. The scans help the doctors figure out the most effective treatment for your mom, so try to view them as data so she can make informed decisions regarding treatment and surgery

Gentle hugs - you can get through this, and your mom is very lucky to have a daughter like you who cares so much! Once you know, an action plan will help. It's the not knowing that is scary, at least it was for me and my children and husband. I am ten months from diagnosis, and life does move on. The next six months will be stressful, I won't lie, and I hope for the best for you and your mom.

Moderators

Hi Sophie-

We're so very sorry for what's going on with your mom, but you've come to the right place for support. The first days and weeks can be very, very scary, because there is so much that is unknown. Hopefully once you learn more about the cancer and her treatment options, she (and you) will start feeling a bit more in control of the situation.

In the meantime, we have a forum dedicated to caregivers and support people of people with breast cancer, you may find it helpful and therapeutic to read some of the posts there: https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/16.

Please let us know what you find out next week, you're both in our thoughts!

The Mods

AdrianneNix

I could have written this post myself. My Mom was just diagnosed last week with stage 3 ILC and I'm losing it. She's my best friend and the caregiver for my children. We're still going through testing and preparing for chemo. When did you start to not feel so panick-y?

Sophiec

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother, I know exactly how you feel right now. I wish I could tell you get its easiler but the reality is that it just gets manageable. There was no words for how I felt when my mother told me. I just went with how my emotions were, cried when I needed to spoke about it when I needed to. It's the shock for me that was the hardest part. I found that talking to amazing women on here and in person who have survived and been the main support for survivers really helped. After a week or so I began to become very strong and ready to be there for my mum. I was her main support and went to every appointment with her and I just became able to deal with things more when I knew what was going to happen.

My mum had her scans last week and had the lump removed today so in a few days we should know the next step.

Hopefully what I have said is able to support you and I am always here if you ever need to just chat or help by leading an ear

I know your mum is going to be fine as she sounds like a very strong amazing lady and I will send you both my prayers xxx