Finding God

27heart

Hi all, I'm not sure if this is a good place for this, but I'm going to give this a shot. I haven't been religious before, I've tried all my life to find God. I've gone to church, prayed a lot, and have had friends talk to me about God. But truth is, I don't feel him. And in the few moments that I think I do, I have this nagging feeling that I'm making myself believe it. It's always felt so forced.

With my diagnosis and predicament, I want to feel God's presence all the more. I envy others who have their complete faith in Him. Truth is, cancer is terrifying and I really want to have faith in believing that everything happens for a reason.

Any advices on this? Perhaps fresh advices from fellow bc sisters could help me on this. I want to believe that we can find God in the most unexpected times and places.

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edwards750

Not sure what you mean by feeling Him. I am far from an expert or religious fanatic but I do believe God doesn't give you more than you can handle. Several years ago my husband nearly died and one of my brothers died suddenly all in a matter of months. I was devastated and angry so I told our parish priest not to tell me that very thing about God. He responded with who did I think got me through that difficult time?

Bad things happen to good people. It's hard to comprehend but it's reality. All of us on this website have asked ourselves why me? I have. My sister and SIL both have BC too. My mother had it as well. Doctors can't explain why except we all got an unlucky draw. Simple as that sometimes. My sister and I got it probably because of our mother. Ditto with SIL because her mother had it too.

I will tell you this. All of us have issues to deal with other than BC. It's really hard to focus on our disease when sometimes you feel your world is following apart. Somehow you do. I pray too and talk to God constantly. Our fate is in His hands.

My advice - Keep on praying. He is there with you whether you feel His presence or not. Going to Mass always makes me feel His presence and for that one hour I am at peace.

Keep the faith and let us know how you are doing. My dad always said this too shall pass and it will.

Diane

farmerlucy

I consider myself relatively religious. It waxes and wanes at time. I had a real crisis of faith at dx and I cried out, begged, and cursed God. At times I felt completely abandoned. However certain things happened during my trials, extraordinary things, mainly regarding folks who came alongside me to walk with me while I was in a pit of despair. I knew, I KNEW I had not been abandoned. I only know about the Christian faith so that is the only perspective I can offer. The Psalms are a good place to go for support. Certain versions of the Bible like NIV are a bit more readable. I'm not sure what religion or affiliation you are drawn to but in the United Methodist Church there is a short course called Alpha that is a great place for newcomers to learn and explore. I have used a daily devotional book called Jesus Calling which is exquisitely beautiful and uncannily specific about issues I face in my life. If you want a copy PM me and I'd be happy to send you mine.Big hugs coming your way.

ElaineTherese

Hi!

I have been a religious person all my life. God won't necessarily "cure" my cancer, but He has been an important part of how I have dealt with this disease and other challenges in my life. Right now, I'm struggling to cope with my two sons who have autism. I took one of them to the pool yesterday, and he got very upset when the lifeguard asked us to move to another lane. At that moment, I prayed and prayed. Suddenly, I felt very calm. I spoke calmly to my son. Without anger or frustration, I beseeched him to get into the new lane and to have a good swim. It took about fifteen minutes, but my son eventually got in the pool and we had a good swim. That is how God is present to me. He helps me find the calmness and confidence I need to live my life.

I don't know how I got to this point in my life. I have attended church weekly for years, but I haven't always felt this close to God. Maybe, you need to search online for a form of prayer that you feel comfortable with? I watched the interfaith service with Pope Francis on Friday. There are so many different ways to pray and experience the divine.

Moissy

Hi heart - I'm sorry that you are having to deal with all of this. It's so overwhelming when you're first diagnosed. As far as your question about God, I would try praying and asking God to reveal Himself to you. And reading parts of the Bible can be so encouraging. It helps me with my fears. Here are a few verses that have helped me.

^{Jeremiah 29:11}

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Romans 8:35

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

I agree that the Psalms are a good thing to read also. We don't always "feel" something. But God is still there regardless of our feelings. I hope you can find some reading and prayer time that will give you peace and comfort and faith. PM me anytime.

Anonymous

27Heart, I am glad you are seeking a more spiritual path. From birth I was in church and have attended different denominations within the Christian church, knew all the Bible stories, etc., and am even married to an ordained minister, but found that my prayer life was seriously lacking and some of it seemed forced like you said. I accepted Christ at a young age, but I didn't study my Bible nearly as much as I should. Upon my diagnosis last month, the shock and fear caused my anxiety level (which I am an OCD/high anxiety, "cup half full" type person anyway) to a point that left me unable to function for almost a week. I even was prescribed Xanax just so I could get off the couch and stop crying continuously. I felt so hopeless and worried despite friends and family trying to help me cope with kind words and deeds. It was finally at that point that I knew I had to just give it over to God otherwise I was going to totally crack, and with a husband and four kids, this was not an option! I started asking everyone I knew (even on facebook) to pray for me, which was hard to do because I am a very private person. (I wasn't even sure how I felt about the power of prayer being a real solution up to this point). I even asked a more charismatic group of friends to do an oil anointing and hands-on prayer service. I was willing to find anything to help me with this tremendous fear, and the more people who started praying for me, the better I started to feel! I stopped reading and watching books and shows that were not positive influences and started reading and listening to more biblical and spiritual books and radio programs. Everyone kept telling me to "turn it over to God", but that is easier said than done! Then one day a lady who had brain cancer 20 years ago told me to "turn it over to God and stop taking it back!". That hit home! My prayers became more frequent and I really opened up my heart, fears, and anxieties to God, talking with Him on a more personal basis, basically just crying out to Him in desperation. On September 9th, on my way to work I accidentally happened on a radio show by Rick Warren that seemed to be written just for me in this dark time of my life. It was then I finally and totally yielded myself to His will, and realized that God wants and knows what is best for me if I will only seek and follow His plan for my life. Immediately, my panic and fear was replaced with total joy and surrender. That isn't to say that I don't still have an occasional bad day and still worry, but when I do, I ask God to take it from me again. I really think that God has allowed this cancer diagnosis to force me to rethink my spiritual path in order for me to open my eyes and draw closer to Him in my time of need. Sometimes when everything is going well in life, we tend to overlook our personal relationship with Him and He says "Wait a minute.....remember me?" A friend sent me a book called "Grace for Each Hour" by Mary J. Nelson, which is one woman's story of her breast cancer journey and how her faith increased during this time. I would highly recommend it to every woman facing this path and seeking God's help.

I like the verses that Moissy listed in her post, especially Jeremiah 29:11. I have fallen back on this one more than once! Each of us has to seek and find our own personal relationship with Christ and the peace and comfort that He will provide if we only ask can be the greatest experience. I will pray for you in this journey of yours. God bless!

P.S. Sorry for the long post, but hope it helps in some way.

Anonymous

27Heart, I am glad you are seeking a more spiritual path. From birth I was in church and have attended different denominations within the Christian church, knew all the Bible stories, etc., but found that my prayer life lacked and some of it seemed forced like you said. I accepted Christ as my savior at a young age, but I didn't study my Bible nearly as much as I should. Upon my diagnosis last month, the shock and fear caused my anxiety level (which I am an OCD/high anxiety, "cup half full" type person anyway) to a point that left me unable to function for almost a week. I even was prescribed Xanax just so I could function. I felt hopeless and worried despite friends and family trying to help me copy with kind words and deeds. It was finally at that point that I knew I had to just give it over to God otherwise I was going to totally crack, and with a husband and four kids, this was not an option! I started asking everyone I knew (even on facebook) to pray for me, which was hard to do because I am a very private person. (I wasn't even sure how I felt about the power of prayer being a real solution up to this point). I even asked a more charismatic group of friends to do an oil anointing and hands-on prayer service. I was willing to find anything to help me with this tremendous fear, and the more people who started praying for me, the better I started to feel! I stopped reading and watching books and shows that were not positive influences and started reading and listening to more biblical and spiritual books and radio programs. Everyone kept telling me to "turn it over to God", but that is easier said than done! Then one day a lady who had brain cancer 20 years ago told me to "turn it over to God and stop taking it back!". That hit home! My prayers became more frequent and I really opened up my heart, fears, and anxieties to God, talking with Him on a more personal basis, basically just crying out to Him in desperation. On September 9th, on my way to work I accidentally happened on a radio show by Rick Warren that seemed to be written just for me in this dark time of my life. It was then I finally and totally yielded myself to His will, and realized that God wants and knows what is best for me if I will only seek and follow His plan for my life. Immediately, my panic and fear was replaced with total joy and surrender. That isn't to say that I don't still have an occasional bad day and still worry, but when I do, I ask God to take it from me again. I really think that God has allowed this cancer diagnosis to force me to rethink my spiritual path in order for me to open my eyes and draw closer to Him in my time of need. Sometimes when everything is going well in life, we tend to overlook our personal relationship with Him and He says "Wait a minute.....remember me?" A friend sent me a book called "Grace for Each Hour" by Mary J. Nelson, which is one woman's story of her breast cancer journey and how her faith increased during this time. I would highly recommend it to every woman facing this path and seeking God's help.

I like the verses that Moissy listed in her post, especially Jeremiah 29:11. I have fallen back on this one more than once! Each of us has to seek and find our own personal relationship with Christ and the peace and comfort that He will provide if we only ask can be the greatest experience. I will pray for you in this journey of yours. God bless!

farmerlucy

If you haven't already,try to find k-love radio. It truly is positive and encouraging.

keepthefaith

I found this somewhere on the forum. I truly believe that God has a plan for all of us and for whatever reason, this is part of it. Maybe that is the whole purpose....so you will be closer to Him. My BC DX has changed so many things in my life. It has brought me closer to family members that I used to hardly ever talk to, it has rattled my Faith and made me stronger. Sometimes you have to immerse yourself; after all, we are only human...

Anonymous

Hi 27, you have received some good answers here. Please continue to pray and ask God into your heart and life. He does not always answer right away, we must learn to wait on His perfect timing which is difficult but worth the time put in. I would encourage you to connect with other people walking with God in a local church as they will help you along on that journey (much like your friends here on BCo will help you along this BC road). All churches are not equal but you will know the 'right' one for you after you visit several a few times.

You can also join us on this thread, https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/104/topic... and don't worry about the title as it is for all ages not just middle/older. , Bring your fears, worries, challenges, doubts as there are many wonderful women of God posting and they will include you in their intercessory prayer.

Know that as I typed this I was also sending up a prayer to our Father to wrap His loving arms around you and quiet your fears, encourage your walk.

Blessings, Phyllis

27heart

Wow everyone, thank you for your kind words and encouragement and even prayers. I am deeply touched. Hearing it from different perspectives surely helps. I'm asking myself to give thanks in my prayers every night from today. And also to read a little of the psalms before bed time.

I was brought up in a non religious family, my dad's a Buddhist and my mom isn't much of a religious person. God and Jesus were never once part of my upbringing. I have friends from similar backgrounds who are devoted to Him though, and I hope I find my way there through this.

I remember a quote that said "If God brought you to it, He will bring you through it." It was one of the quotes that helped click things in place in my head. I have to remind myself more to remember this.

I would love to get to know Him better.

Anonymous

Good morning 27. Just think, He brought you through yesterday and will do the same today. Take it one day at a time, that is not just for people with addictions but for all of us. You are a child of the most Holy God and He hears you. Do not be afraid to let God know of your doubts and fears as well because He wants us to bring all our cares and worries to Him. You have taken the first steps by posting here - that is God at work. Welcome to the family!

Phyllis

27heart

Good morning Phyllis! Those are very good reminders, will add them in my prayers too.

Anonymous

Hi, hope you don't mind that I asked for prayer for you on the other thread.

zjrosenthal

Dear 27, I am asking Jesus,to reveal Himself to you in a,way you can understand and receive His great love for you. Love, Jean

Tobycc

27: I have always been a Christian, and like others, have learned that faith is commitment. I was diagnosed with uterrine cancer a month ago (after a hysterectomy) and am back in chemo.

I am now at a place where I have perfect peace. I can think, wow, God, thank you for THIS moment, right now, NO pain comfy in my robe, wrapped in His arms.

I would be glad to send you Jesus Calling as well, I also use Jesus Today, and a new book called The Mission is Remission!!

We surround you with prayer, and so glad you started this conversation. The ladies on the other thread have been there for me when I was diagnosed with BC at the same time last year. Through every step.

Blessings,

Kath

Anonymous

You my friends are all so awesome. It's only God. Thanks Jean and Kath.

Owens69

I know this post is a little old, but I wanted to weigh in.

27heart, you have been given some excellent advice here. I would like to add that God's word tells us that if we seek him, we WILL find him. He doesn't turn anyone away. The pathway to God is first, having Jesus living in our hearts. Then, we learn about him through the bible, through prayer, through worship, and through fellowship with other Christians. As you read his word, he will begin to work in you. He will share things with you and you will become more and more like Him. This is fellowship with the One, True God.

I agree with one of the posts that talked about KLove radio. If you can't find a local station, try iheart radio or Pandora on your cell phone. The music is uplifting and encouraging.

I will leave you with this "Declaration." I speak it over my life daily.

"I declare Ephesians 3:20 over my life. God will do exceedingly, abundantly above all that I ask or think. Because I honor Him, His blessings will chase me down and overtake me. I will be in the right place at the right time. People will go out of their way to be good to me. I am surrounded by God's favor. This is my declaration!"

I will be praying for you.