Dealing w/ multiple issues in family

peg645

Looking for experiences of others who have BC, but were perhaps #2 or #3, or higher, in the list of other issues within a family.

I am single, early 60's, one mid 20's son. Work crazy hours at a temp, high-paying job, so on a bit of a treadmill right now w/ work and chemo and decisions. I do not have the luxury of disability or vacation time.

Feeling a bit self-absorbed - lucky my BC was caught early in May - only needed a lumpectomy at first, but the tumor being just large enough, and Her2+, am in the middle of chemo & will do the 1 yr herceptin. I did not expect my BC dx as it had appeared in the lines of my family usually at an earlier age. Had gene testing and will have double prophylactic mastectomy in Nov. My prognosis is good, but I will require a lot of testing most of my life.

Two younger family members diagnosed years ago w/ BC. One passed after perhaps 5 years. The other had recovered, and had been fine until recently. Has a recurrence, or a new cancer, but appears very healthy and definitely involved in life right now.

We have had 4 deaths in my family in the past 18 months. 3 of the 4 unexpected that have sent siblings reeling.

I wonder, of those with high risks within your family, how you address things emotionally with several things going on at once? Work is a blessing and a curse. Plenty of it so keeps me occupied, but also long hours and a distance from home so social life non-existent. And as it's temp, it does add the stress of wondering how long it will last.

We had what we all thought was a great family, and most of us are pretty independent, very positive, but also pretty sensitive. I just see it becoming very splintered now. Plenty of sympathy upon diagnosis. Almost no phone calls now from family, just a couple of good friends at a distance, and weekly chats w/ my son. Am honestly not looking for sympathy, just what others have done to keep marching on. Kind of don't have a choice! ;-)

molliefish

I'm very sorry to hear about your diagnosis, and the family losses. It can be hard to cope when suddenly everything seems to go in the crapper.

What I can tell you is that I have had one phone call from my older brother, one from my younger brother. I got a card from my Grandmother. My Mother is the line of communication. I speak with her almost every day. My Dad passed three years ago in September of a long term lung disease. I've gotten more cards, letters and phone calls from my colleagues at work. But I didn't hear from my brothers much prior to my dx. It's not like they don't care, that's just the way our family has been. However, I also ignore the phone a lot because I don't like to chat about it. I'm doing well, feeling good and have a very good prognosis, so for me it's more of a 'let's get on with it, and get it done'.

In regard to work, I am fortunate that my employer has set me up with a home office, and on those days when I am not able to work, I use sick time.

All the best to you, Nikki

WinningSoFar

I have a strange family situation I guess. My immediate family (mom, dad, sister) are dead now, but due to various reasons were unresponsive when I was diagnosed in 1999. My daughters were too young to really understand what was going on so they ignored it. My cousins were my family support then and I would call one or another of them every week. That would be my suggestion. Find the family members who can care about you and cultivate them. It's a good investment.