Baby Shower Today and a Little Nervous

Girl53

Ladies: I am newly diagnosed and pretty upset and overwhelmed. Am going today to a baby shower for my stepdaughter. Know it will be great event and have good relationship with her, but it's hard to know how to respond when people ask, casually, "How are you?" Yikes. Just trying to stay in the moment and feel the joyous things along with the worry.

rainnyc

Girl53, do you have to mention it? How many people there know already? I went to a social gathering right after diagnosis and chose not to say anything. 3 of my friends there knew about it, and they also knew I might choose not to mention it. They asked me quietly how it was going before others arrived (2 were the hosts). After the stress of the diagnosis and first chemo, I was thrilled to talk about politics, our kids, food--anything but BC. You don't have to tell everyone right away, and it's especially hard to tell people face to face. People need time to process it. Good luck, though.

dtad

Girl53. Everyone is different but IMO I don't think you should mention it in a social gathering. People can say some pretty stupid things. You shouldn't have to deal with that. Save the sharing for close friends and family. Also you should use this forum for support. It's a great source for both knowledge and comfort. Good luck to you. Be well.

BarredOwl

Hi Girl53:

If people who don't know yet about your diagnosis yet ask "How are you?", don't assume they are asking about your health (you wouldn't necessarily tell them everything about that anyway). As you said, try to stay joyous and in the moment and focus your reply on that: "I'm so excited about the baby" "Really enjoying this celebration" "What a beautiful day! How are you?" This latter question will often trigger a lengthy description of themselves and their travails.

BarredOwl

sandcastle

I think I would reply....and this is ME....depending on how I felt ... would be.........Let's make today about the baby shower and NOT me....Liz

queenmomcat

"About as well as could be expected. You? I'm so happy for my stepdaughter. Isn't that a cute/useful [insert object here]? Don't you wish that was around when we were raising our babies?"

Girl53

All: Thanks for replies. The shower went well and was joyous occasion, and also one with sadness for me.

By saying it would be hard when people ask, "How are you," I didn't mean figuring out an honest response to the question and talking about breast cancer. I was referring to the sadness and shock I knew I'd feel inside when at an event all about motherhood, babies, nursing, and starting a new phase of life.

I'm not a mom, due to my late husband's long battle with a brain tumor. Both women who raised me -- a mother and a paternal grandmother -- struggled with breast cancer. So I just meant all the memories, griefs, and emotional associations that can come up at an event like a baby shower.

There were tough moments and wonderful ones. I think this whole journey will probably be like that.

Moderators

Girl53, we are so happy that the shower went well. Yes, it is a journey, with many ups and downs!