Love and Tamoxifen/Effexor???

confused45

Help? I'm 45. I was diagnosed at 40 with stage 1 bc. Had a lumpectomy, and radiation. Opted for no chemo, against my oc's orders, but she said, it seems to be ok. I've been on tamoxifen for 4.5 years now - right after the radiation ended. It's screwed with my emotions, etc. turned me into a raging b**** so much that I worried for my marriage. Saw my regular doc, she prescribed celexa for the first year, and it seemed to help with the emotions, mood swings and the hot flashes and night sweats, then it didn't help, and I started getting odd feelings in my head...foggy, etc... so changed to Effexor that was 75 mg. Body got used to it so for the last 6 months, I'm up to 150 mg. Here's my issue...I still wanted sex and that whole feeling of being wanted and in love, etc. Problem is, now, I feel like I have fallen out of love with my husband. I still love him, and I still want to "make out" and make love, etc....but I don't get the excited feelings anymore. We've been to a marriage counselor the last few months (as we've been married 24 years, and together almost 27 years). I married for "til death do us part". Do these meds have anything to do with the way I feel or don't feel? I'm going to be contacting my PCP, but I'm confused as hell, and I don't want to hurt my husband, but I don't know what I want anymore...
Anyone else go through this?

Moderators

Hi Confused-

We totally understand what you're going through, and yes, it is normal! Cancer and treatment is hard on relationships, and it's not uncommon to go through some ups and downs during your battle with it. You mention that you're still attracted to your husband, physically, yet are struggling emotionally. That probably isn't related to your meds, which would have more of an effect on your libido and sexual function. But the emotions could be tied to what you've been through since your diagnosis, which is a lot! Seeing a counselor is definitely a good idea, as they can help you work through these new feelings. It's important to keep in mind that you've both been through a life-changing event, so to expect things to be the same on the other side might not be realistic. But that doesn't mean it's permanent! We suggest continuing with your counseling, and it couldn't hurt to talk to your PCP about it as well, in case this is all tied to your meds.

We're sure other members will be along to share their experiences, but we wish you good luck! Keep us posted!

The Mods

Marg64

I was on Effexor at the dose you are at. I had to wean down by counting out the little balls in capsules. I was physiologically dependent (addicted) but not psychologically dependent.

That drug helped end my marriage. I would certainly be careful.

Curlykat

Confused,

(If you're still around) I've been on Tamoxifen since July and Effexor for about 4 months. I don't have much of a sex drive. But what I have learned, is that I do crave the intimacy of being with my husband. I don't get "horny" or even terribly emotionally aroused, but because I want that emotional connection, I make sure it happens.

The drugs can absolutely play a big part in that, and I would recommend talking to your doctor(s) about it. But maybe reframing the way you're thinking about that part of your marriage will help,

One_Bad_Boob

Thank you Curlykat for your response. I was just having this discussion with my husband. I've been on Tamoxifen for a week now after finishing rads in December. No desire whatsoever but your point about intimacy is exactly where I am.

amandakastel

Hi I am feeling the same way. I feel I don't love him anymore and don't want him near me or even touching me. We've had our problems before I was diagnosed but nothing like this. I'm confused because if I truly do feel this way I don't want to keep leading him on that something might change. I have been going to counseling to deal with my looks and trying to figure my marriage out. He is trying to be patient but threatens me with divorce and I don't even flinch when he says that word. He wants answers and I cannot give them to him. He wants a yes or no if things will change down the road but I don't have the answers. I am trying to figure this out so any help our input would be so helpful.

AmyA

Hi everyone. I read all of your posts - very helpful.

I'm sorry this has put a strain on your marriages. I'm in a different boat as I'm single, also on Tamoxifen, and I too don't get many horny feelings. After everything I've been through, I would love to meet someone and Share my life. I haven't dated in over 2 years.

I've met some nice people but don't gett warm, fuzzy feelings. I'm worried I'm not capable of them. Did you allkeep waiting or did you rip that bandaid off?

: ) Thank you and Happy Holidays.

Amy