Depression after breast cancer, I'll never be the same

Dmvohe

Its been 4 years since I was diagnosed with 22 cm of lobular cancer the at had spread to one lymph node. I had mammograms every year, but it did not show up until I had an mri. Luckily I had an onco test with a score of 11. Fortunately I did not have to do chemo, but had double mastectomy and DIP reconstructive surgery, 4 additional surgeries, and a bad infection. It was a long struggle getting through all of this, but have felt pretty good for a couple of years. I should be happy, but I struggle with depression. A combination of daily fear of recurrence, fatigue, constant reminders in the media, looking at my deformed body ever every day in the mirror, changes in my sex life, weight gain but loss of appetite, hot flashes far worse than menopausal friends and no one understands why ill never be the same person again. Most days I'm fine, but I have trouble coping when something goes wrong, and can cry at the drop of a hat and not stop. I just switched from tamoxifen to exemestane and upped my anti depressants, but I still feel the same. Is there such a thing as post traumatic stress after cancer? Does anyone else feel this way? Is it the medication that's saving my life, but affecting my quality of life. I wonder every day if tomorrow will be the day that i find it has metastasized, and I'd never be able to deal with that. I worry about my family especially husband who watches me suffer, but can't help. Who worries about me in silence because he has to be my rock.

dlb823

Dmvohe, PTSD after breast cancer treatment is extremely common. Do you know if the medical center where you were treated has a psychologist on staff you might be able to talk to? Both places I've been treated did, and it was so helpful talking to someone who understood my issues and could give me some coping strategies. I also found that walking was wonderful therapy because it gave me time to think about and process what I'd been through while being outdoors in nature, as well as getting my body back in shape and creating those endorphins we all need to feel happy. And there are some excellent books and guided imagery CDs on PTSD that can also be very helpful. But do see if you can start by talking to someone where you were treated.

I'm glad you've found BCO, and I know you'll find plenty of support here. If you prowl around these Discussion Boards by clicking on All Topics and Active Topics -- as well as using the Search feature (all to the left) to look for things like PTSD, you'll find plenty of threads that address it and the emotional challenges after tx for bc. Big (((hugs))) to you! I know you can get beyond this, and you've started by reaching out here tonight! Deanna

Moderators

Dmhove-

We want to welcome you to our community here at BCO, we hope you find this to be a supportive place when you need it most!

Like Dlb said, PTSD after breast cancer is very, very common. We would suggest speaking to someone at the center you received treatment, and asking for a referral to a mental health doctor. You've been through a lot, and the after-effects of cancer are often as hard to adjust to as the cancer itself. There is no shame in asking for help.

We have a forum here, Relationships, Emotional Crises, Anxiety, and Depression, which you might find helpful. Just know you are not alone, and this community is here for you!

The Mods