Have you ever wondered? For all stages

Sweetmamaj

Have you ever wondered? For all stages

Sweetmamaj

Okay, so what are the statistics--something like 1 out of every 8 women will get breast cancer? That is crazy high!

My tumor was very small and I'm told it was found early. If you saw me in the grocery store, or at the park, you would not know that I have breast cancer. There are no obvious outward signs-no physical changes that suggest something is "wrong" or different. Nothing that flags "chemo."

I'm a fairly private person, although some people think I'm extroverted because I'm friendly in gatherings. Regardless, I haven't shared my diagnosis with many people outside of close family and even closer friends. l work in a medium-sized multi-use office building, and have been here for many years. Today, walking from my car, I passed another tenant with whom I've made small-talk with for years. "Hi," she says cheerfully, "how are you?" I hadn't seen her all summer and it was nice to run into her again. I feel good, alive, I'm back at my office. I smiled and said, "I'm great, thanks! How about you?" "Really good"," she waved to me as we walked off in our different directions. But a few feet later I paused and looked back at her, because for some odd reason, I almost wanted to ask: "Are you one of the 1 out of 8? Because I am."

Have you ever wondered that? I find myself sometimes looking twice at women-looking more closely in their eyes, and feeling more compassion for people in general.

There are so many people affected by breast cancer. I clearly remember a few public situations in which the unknowns of test results had my stress level to the ceiling, and how I had felt so alone. I remember looking around me and wondering how many women—seated, standing, or walking around me-were right in my shoes, reeling from the newness of their diagnosis, or coping with treatment side effects, or quietly celebrating another day of surviving breast cancer. I'm certainly not advocating for people to stand up and say, "YooHoo! Look—Here I am, in the Pink shirt! I have cancer also! Let's share!" We have a right to privacy, to tend to our own emotional needs, to our dignity. My cancer does not define who I am. It may dictate a lot of things in my life, but it is not my title.

As I said, I find myself more compassionate towards people. Breast cancer, sadly, is one of many common cancers, and one of many common diseases, aliments, and conditions in life that includes poverty, divorce, and mental illness. So when it occurs to me that I am cranky because my incisional site is aching, or I appear more disheveled because comfortable old clothes trumps style in these early months, or annoyed because someone did not wait to hold open a heavy door for me—when I take a close look at myself, it helps me to be more patient with not only me, but with my fellow human beings on this small planet. The one notable exception that has not changed is my urge to strangle every driver who is swerving-even a smidgen-because they are distracted with their damn cell phone.(whew-that rant felt good)!

Everyone has a story. But, the 1 out of 8… have you ever wondered?

Whether the physical affects from your cancer and treatment are visible, or not. I would love to hear from others who have had a similar experience, or if you just want to weigh in on this topic! Please share, process, ponder, comment--- I think we help each other...especially since we are all 1 of 8. Thanks!!

fizzdon52

Hi there. Yes I agree with everything you said. Before I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer I didn't really pay that much attention to BC I guess, I certainly never dreamed I would get it. I did have one friend, but we were only just becoming friends when she died of her BC. I will always feel bad that I didn't go and visit her, I guess I was one of those people who stayed away because I didn't know what to say - shame on me and I will never do that again. I think of her all the time. I know there are a couple of other women who live in my community who have had it and if I ever see them I will bring the subject up because it helps me to talk about it. I was a bit secretive when I was first diagnosed, don't really know why, I guess I was embarrassed that something so terrible could happen to me and I didn't want sympathy. I didn't want people to stare and talk about me behind my back. Once my treatment was over though something switched inside of me. I figured if I could tell as many people as possible about my story that it might just save someone. I thought I had a lump but no-one (the medical professionals) would believed me and it wasn't diagnosed until 18 months after it should have been. I made it my business to learn as much as possible about Lobular Breast Cancer and spread the word that women can't count on Mammograms entirely. That there are some forms of BC that are invisible, silent, sneaky killers. That you have to be pro-active and examine yourself. I have also learned that sometimes medical professionals get it very wrong. I have also learned on this journey to not sweat the small stuff. As someone who is bordering on OCD, it has done me some good realising that if I don't clean the house on any particular day, no-one is actually going to die haha! I have also started going out a lot more with friends, socialising and having a really good time. Life is very short and you never know what is around the corner so now I tend to enjoy the small pleasures in life. There is also a sister hood in the BC world, something that we all share and no-one who hasn't been through it understands. That is why this forum is so valuable to a lot of us. I have met so many other BC ladies on this site from my country (New Zealand) and we speak on here almost on a daily basis. I find it very comforting to know I am not on this journey alone. Thanks for your thought provoking post. Donna xxx

123JustMe

Absolutely! I also think to myself when I see other women who obviously are not the healthiest looking on the outside "Why do I have breast cancer?!" I also know that my experience with breast cancer is not that great! A friend I worked with, a sister of a girl I work with, a second cousin, and someone else who I worked with all died from breast cancer. Needless to say this breast cancer diagnosis scares me to death! I pray everyday that a cure is found.

Sweetmamaj

Hi Donna, I loved your story--thank you! Re: your early experience with your friend who died--I think most people don't know what to say, or how to offer help because we were not taught what to do in those situations! We have no frame of reference, and most of us go inwards. As someone who also has OCD tendencies, I struggle with finding that balance in most things. It's sad, but keeping a good sense of humor definitely helps me with reality checks. It sounds like you've become bold and active as part of your healing process! I think you're right: the sisterhood of BC and from this Board is a life of its own. I don't do Facebook, twitter, or other social media platforms, and this site is really the first time I've dared to stay active on for more than a one-time post, but it has been a life-saver for me and the connections I've made are true and strong. So thank you again for sharing!

CAMommy

breast cancer has been a part of my life since I was 3 or 4 when my mother was and grandmother were dx with it. I always knew I would probably be 1 of the 1 and 8.

After my dx I wanted to tell everyone, do you know BC is 1 in 8 that means that if you and 7 of your friends get together, look around because 1 of you will eventually be dx with BC! But I kept my mouth shout, because really people don't want to think about it.

This is a little off tangent, but kind of related. When I was pregnant with my 3rd child I lost her mid way through the pregnancy, not only had I told everyone I was pregnant, I was showing too. Then I lost her. I was devastated and to boot there was no way I could avoid telling people because they could tell my tummy was gone. What I found was when I told people I lost her, so, so, so many people told me about their pregnancy losses. I was shocked. People I though I knew well and I had no idea. So given the statistics for BC are so high, I bet if you share it with more people, over time you will be surprised by the number of people who have also gone through it but never said anything.

That being said, I'm not one to advertise this myself. Some of the people who I thought were close friends distanced themselves from me after my dx, because as we all know BC is so highly contagious (insert sarcasm here). I haven't even told most my family because they are a blame the victim kind of bunch (even though we have a family history (insert eye roll)).

But yes, I do look at women and think, are you one of the 1 in 8? I also think I bet they take their boobs for granted, not even realizing the hell those babies can cause.

Want2Bcamping

I have had two women that I know who, because of me and my cancer, have decided to get mammograms. Something they have not done for many years. Because I have been fairly open with my diagnosis they realized that for whatever reasons to get checked. That made me feel good because if I can help someone detect early then perhaps some thing "good" can come from my situation.

Sweetmamaj

Hi 123justme, Wow...so many women. Thanks for letting me know that I'm not the only one who looks at other women, and wonders. it is a scary diagnosis, and I'm beginning to see how it brings many people together as well as affecting how people view their connections with others.

Sweetmamaj

Want2becamping: what can I say, but Right On! Such a great positive reaction that came from sharing your experience. Love it! Thank you

CAMommy, your story gave me the shivers when I first started to read it. And I don't think your miscarriage story it was off topic at all! I'm very sorry that it happened--I can't imagine how difficult that was for you. Seems that each of our stories are so connected yet so individual. Thanks for sharing and for also confirming that you wonder as well. xoxo

ShetlandPony

Yes, Sweetmammaj. You said something about being more compassionate and patient with your fellow human beings. Walking around with this diagnosis makes me feel more clearly the shared humanity with strangers around me. I am more likely than I was before to make eye contact, to chat with people, to try and share a little laugh--to connect with them. And I am more aware that everyone has something to deal with, though may not be apparent.

rainnyc

Sweetm, yes, I know what you mean. I'll see someone wearing a pink ribbon and wonder, or a woman with very short hair or fake-looking hair (I should talk). And then I look away, because the last thing I'd want to do is embarrass her by, say, checking out her chest. When I was first diagnosed, I sent an email to some moms in my circle, letting them know in case my son had to do a sleepover if I were admitted to the hospital for some reason. Sure enough, one of them said that she, too, had been diagnosed and treated a few years back, before we'd met. There were others I knew about already: My husband's mom died of BC. So did a dear colleague of his, and another colleague--a man--was successfully treated not long ago. I once told someone in my office that I liked her haircut. "Well, actually..." she replied. So, yes, I don't know if it truly is one in eight, but it is a lot of us. In my life, I have met a number of people who've had lung cancer, skin cancer, a brain tumor, testicular, pancreatic, bone cancer. But only with breast cancer can I count the number that I've known personally on more fingers than I have on one hand. Only with breast cancer can I think of multiple public figures who also have had the disease. It is possible that only in the past few decades have significant numbers survived long enough to tell their stories themselves. And maybe, it is only recently that cancer has become a disease that is discussed in public, is not considered shameful in some way. Perhaps we have the early AIDS activists to thank for some of that, for bringing a terrible disease into the public eye and saying, "yes, we must talk about this."

I'm not alone in being awed at the compassion and life and spirit that I've seen on these discussion boards, where a certain level of anonymity--and a common diagnoses--breaks down barriers between strangers. In real life, we keep our public faces carefully blank and choose whom we tell and whom we don't. I would hope that as more of us become brave about telling those in our circles more of the facts, that we'll all see more acknowledgement that it is a reality that many of us share, and perhaps that will lead to a greater compassion in the larger society. And even--who knows?--more awareness that what is really needed is not more pink but a cure!

Beatmon

I worry for the younger ladies...I am 63 and one of the 8. Will the next set of statistics show 1 in 5?

What are we doing in this world of ours that so many are cursed with this beast

octogirl

one thing I wonder about: I have an identical twin sister. So why have I gotten it and she, so far, is fine? With the same DNA, what is it in my background that brings out the bc?

Edited to add...this was a follow up to a longer post, I thought I posted, but don't see....falling asleep here and probably pushed the wrong button, and who know where it went. :-)

Anyway, I do find myself wondering sometimes, but it hasn't made me a more open person I'm afraid....still struggling with how much to tell and who to tell. I do find that my greatest support has come from those who have been there. Like the women on this board.

Octogitl

Sweetmamaj

ShetlandPony---that's how I feel! I like your term "shared humanity". Thank you!

Rainyc--yes, I've turned away aquckly because I didn't want to make someone uncomfortable But then I sometimes feel guilty, because I've just dismissed that person. So I turn around and try to remember to treat everybody equally, and if the opportunity presents itself to make eye contact or smile with that person, I let it happen. Arg--does that make any sense? It's a glimpse into how neurotic I sometimes get, and probably good fodder to comment on the human condition

Really interesting point about early Aids patients leading the way. "Breasts" was a taboo, hush-hush, and stigmatized word, like penis and periods ( menstrual). So much has changed! Thank

Sweetmamaj

Beatmon-new statistics in cancer is so confusing to me--I hear reports that numbers are high because of better access to testing and care... But 1 in 8 is alarming


Octogirl--I hope you find the writing and will share! Although I am more compassionate, I am not necessarily more open. xoxo

octogirl

Interesting thoughts about the stigma...I have to be honest and say that I wonder how much really has changed....I find myself wondering if the fact that it is breast cancer that makes me want to keep private about details other than with close friends, when ordinarily I am fairly open about heath issues. I have thought about not wanting others staring at my breasts....and yet, I'd be one of the strongest voices out there for breastfeeding (which I did do in public, and that was thirty years ago).

I also have wondered if the pink stuff actually adds to my reluctance to share with others....it just seems to minimize an experience to tie it up in a pink ribbon; does it become more about looking good during treatment than it does about a cure? and don't even get me started on how I've wondered if the gender focused nature of the diseases has hindered a cure...

Lots to think about. Thanks Sweet and all of you for giving me a safe place to express these weird wonderings I get early in the am...

I do hope that this experience will help me become a more empathetic and giving person. I can see so much that is wrong in the way we approach this sucky disease.

Octogirl.

MusicLover

I want to clarify something and I use that word loosely. When they say 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed they are saying in their lifetime. I saw a chart that someone posted on here that gave more specific statistics per age group. In other words, if you walk into a gym and it is filled with women in their 30's, you won't find 1 in 8 of them have had breast cancer. But I thought about the 1 in 8 statistic at the time and I was confused because I don't remember noticing that the statistics were worse then that for a particular (older) age group, so I thought how could the average be 1 in 8? Anyway, I hate this disease and any amount of people being diagnosed with it is too many.

Just like some people you know don't want to discuss that they were diagnosed, I some times wonder if some famous people do not want people to know either. There are many who have been very forthcoming and that is helpful to get the word out but I do understand when others want to be private about it. It just seems like if this disease is so prevalent then we would know of more famous people who have been diagnosed, no?For instance, Jan Hooks(SNL) passed away from cancer in the Fall and they never disclosed which cancer it was. I respect her privacy and understand but I do wonder if there are more famous people like her.

GemStateGirl

This is a good article on your risk of getting breast cancer by age: http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/understand_bc.... It shows that your risk in your 20s is 1 in 1,732 but by your 50s it's 1 in 43. I think the 1 in 8 number applies to 80 or 90 year olds.

MusicLover

After reading those stats I just feel like a very unlucky person! And if I tell you all that I had a tumor on my chest, well I have heard that only happens 5% of the time! So I wake up every morning and I say WTH! It all makes me want to puke. Sorry for the rant. (Since femara has shrunk everything I have a cavity in my chest, lovely. It's not that noticeable but I know it's there.)

Edited to add this: More awake today. You need to add all of the percentages up and you will get the 12.5%, 1 in 8 in a lifetime (to 80 years old). But you need to look at the chart to determine what you % is for a particular age.

farmerjo

My understanding is it's 1 in 8 women, period. If you walked into a sports stadium or concert hall, 1 in 8 of those women will be diagnosed in their lifetime.

I vividly remember when that stat came out...I was sitting at a conference table with a bunch of women and I thought to myself "one of us is going to get breast cancer but not me". WRONG!

tangandchris

I've come into contact with more people than I ever thought I would with BC. When I took dd around the neighborhood to sell girl scout cookies, a woman came to the door and she didn't have hair and her nose was running. I knew she had been on chemo....I had just finished my chemo and my hair was just beginning to come in. It took my breath away to see her and I HAD to ask her. Sure enough, she was stage 4 and looked to be in her 30's-40's like me. She lives just on the next street!

I've run into 3 women at church in the bathroom that had BC. 2 of them approached me while I was going thru chemo to tell me they'd gone thru it, and one I approached when I saw her with the tell tale scarf on.

I don't know much about the stats, but it's hard to wrap my mind around it. I think about the fact that there are 15 women in my office and I am the only one with a BC dx at this time.

octogirl

Music Lover: FWIW, related to your comment about famous people also sometimes wanting to be private about their dx: I have a close friend who is an actress, in the 'business' as they say in LA. She is not famous, but she is well known in local theater circles in the city where she lives, does a lot of regional theater, has been in a few indie films, had a TV show for a while...anyway, her husband (who has/had been my husband's best friend since fourth grade) got leukemia and was sick for many years. She was *very* reluctant to be at all public about his illness, as she was worried that it would hurt her employability and ability to get the gigs they very much needed as income. At first I dismissed her concerns as, well, dramatic, but after a while, spending time with her and in her circle I realized that indeed it was an issue. She was in essence self employed; she literally could not afford people thinking she was unavailable because she had to care for her husband.

Eventually, however, he became so ill that she did stop working much in order to care for him. He died a year ago. In fact, just after my diagnosis but before my surgery or any treatment plan hubby and I flew down to her town to spend the first anniversary of his death (which sadly also happens to be her birthday) with her. But here is the weird part: I simply could not bring myself to tell her of my diagnosis. She was still too raw and grieving, and I didn't want to add to her sadness. Plus, I wanted our weekend together to be all about supporting her, not about me. AND, I still haven't told her...after all, we live about 1000 miles away from each other, so it isn't like we see each other or talk every day. She is strong, and she is healing, just slowly. And I am strong, and healing, but slowly also. So I will tell her soon...but not today...telling her is one of those things I know I should do, but dammit, I don't want to do it!

vogliodipiu

octogirl, you are speaking from my heart! i totally agree with everything you said, it is such a relief to hear somebody else voice these issues in a sea of pink ribbons..

and yes, i wonder all the time, on the street, on the bus, at the store, everywhere..sometimes i know they have it too, i can tell by their nails or their after chemo hair and it makes me not feel so alone. i wonder all day.

that said 1 in 8 women is really scary, i always felt the odds are just to high and there is almost no way around it, it will affect you in one way or another as a woman OR a man. at this point i feel like it will never be over even tho my chemo is done. lumpectomy on the 28th of august and the thought of having my perfect boobs hacked into still makes me wince and i cannot fathom what they will look like after and how they will make me feel.

one day at a time.

Sweetmamaj

Hi all, I've been under the weather, but have been reading these posts (through bleary eyes). Enjoyed every single one--lots of really great thought-provoking comments, stories, & opinions.

For now, I wanted to say to vogliodipiu, that the Lumpectomy Lounge topic (in the forum Surgery: Before, During and After) is a great...REALLY GREAT-place for support regarding all things pertaining to Lx. I encourage you to check it out if you hadn't already. Hugs to you!

shoppygirl

I love this thread because this is exactly how I feel. I look at people all the time and wonder if they have ever had cancer, I also look at people that are always grumpy or complaining about seemingly trivial things and I think, really ?? You have no idea what real problems are!!! My DH and I were diagnosed with cancer within two months of each other so I also wonder "why us". We are good people we give to charity, help others and always make an effort to be kind and thoughtful! I look at people like my boss and his boss who are the epitome of narcissistic, selfish jerks who have hurt people and I wonder , why not them?

Then I think I love my life, my wonderful kids and DH and even though I am 1 of 8 and my DH is also a statistic I wouldntwant to be anyone else but me!

Thank you for allowing me to rant!!!

blondiex46

All the time

Sweetmamaj

Part 1) Hi all, Life, of course, is not predictable and my intention to post earlier was waylaid by…life…but ironically prompted by (go figure) death.

Octogirl, I think I know what you're feeling about not wanting to tell your friend that you have BC, and the internal conflicts that you're now struggling with. Or perhaps 'struggling' is not quite accurate; maybe it's more mulling over the confusion. <rolls eyes at self over semantics and sighs>.

I'll write more about that, but first, I've been wanting to comment on some of the thought-provoking postings. Specifically, the topic of telling others that we have cancer. I truly was taken aback when I had that encounter at my work the other week. Why did I almost blurt out "Are you one of the 1 out of 8? Because I am."? I tend to overanalyze things (especially my actions), but I had finally made myself happy by concluding that I wanted to ask that question to normalize the fact that BC is almost as common as, say, myopia ("Do you wear contact lenses? Because I do"). I had been afraid that my impulsive afterthought was to seek sympathy. But no. I can emphatically say "NO" to that. Okay, so I made a conclusion. Great right? Wellll, it didn't exactly stop there-because it begged the question: why did I want to normalize BC? To minimize it? HELL NO! To talk about something that seems to be so prevalent among women (in particular)? Why Yes, I think so.

Those internal dialogues, dear sisters, were also fed by reading and re-reading your posts. When I read Donna's reply, I empathized with her feelings of shame because she was uncertain how to respond to someone with BC, and I related to her later determination to become educated/informed and proactive. And there is no doubt I am not alone when I say that she echoed my feelings about the sanctuary, sanity, safety, and power of connecting with others on this board. However, a few days later, some of the points that Want2be, ShetlandPony, CaMommy, rain nyc, Octo, MusicLover, TangandC, and others had shared, started to grow on me. Stories of guilt, embarrassment, frustration, awkwardness…that involved addressing the reality of Breast Cancer, followed by the ah-ha moment of sharing (or contemplating) their reality to help others. And reading Donna's post for the 3rd or 4th time, I zeroed in on something that I glossed over: "I figured if I could tell as many people as possible about my story that it might just save someone." Bingo. That sentiment was a recurrent theme that tied many of these posts together. Did you ever wonder? Yes, so then….

I'm not great at expressing myself, so please forgive me if this is confusing. My point is, I was affected by so many who quietly concluded that awareness of this disease is not only needed, but is being achieved by simple, one-on-one conversations. By self-disclosure-which is very clear to the receiver—vs an ambiguous pink shirt.

If there is still anyone left reading this by now, sorry: my writing will probably not improve on this post. I'm almost beyond tired but need to get this out before I forget what I wanted to share.

Part 2: How do I go about sharing? AKA, further glimpses into a neurotic mind.

Goal: tell others that I am one of many people who have breast cancer, in hopes that increased awareness about the prevalence will effect positive changes. (E.G., attitudes, understanding/education, treatment, compassion, etc).

Problem(s): I know this will come as a big shock to y'all, but I am a big worrier. BIG. I was drowning in a sea of what ifs. What if I sound like an evangelist? Thumping on a cutaway model of a breast, complete with blue nodes, and shouting, Get a mammogram today! hummm, maybe not, so how do I tone it down? (Hey, well I have breast cancer, and well, hey-don't look at me so sadly, it's okay, I'm okay. Well, I mean it's not okay and…). Next! So I decided to just try being calm and honest, and to explain why I was sharing. Perfect. Except I seem to have this automatic response to most greetings ("I'm great!") which screws with my plan to be direct and calm. Today after work, I practiced sounding casual and steeled myself against my auto response because I was determined to tell my hairstylist about my BC.

Solution: I hadn't been to the salon in 3 months and gave myself a mental high-five as I managed to walk in and say, "Ohh, well things have been really, uh, crazy". My straightforward and calm idea took a slight backseat in favor of a more roundabout approach. Which, at the time, I thought was brilliant: As she led me to the shampoo area and I said, "my scalp still has some annoying sores from when the contact dermatitis I got wearing a surgical cap—during my lumpectomy." long silence "Oh", she asked, "Does it itch?" long silence while I tried to figure out if she was asking if my incisions itched or my scalp. haha! In all fairness, we ended up having a really good conversation about BC, and it was very positive.

Part 3) I wanted to write a more meaningful post, to express my gratitude to you all for sharing your thoughts. I still hope that more people will weigh in on my original question re how you ever wondered. But time is precious and I'll have to just post this draft, without it being complete, and without editing. As I indicated in the beginning, this post was prompted by death; I decided that I would write for about an hour to distract myself from the news that I received when I finally got home tonight: my father had died during his dialysis.

Stepmom (who has stage IV IDC) and I cried over the phone. I will fly out there soon. But right now my head is aching —almost as much as my heart aches.

And btw to Octogirl, I could not bring myself to tell my stepmom that I have cancer.

123JustMe

Sweetmamaj,
I am so sorry to hear of your father's passing and your stepmom' stage IV dx {HUGS}
I will say that the only people I have told about my diagnosis was my immediate family. The good that came from that was that my oldest sister FINALLY had her first mammogram and although everything came out okay she did find out she has dense breasts! Will need too work on my other two sisters...I think they just don't want to know.

octogirl

Sweetmj: I hear you....I might tell more people too if I thought it would really make a difference, but like you, I don't want to sound evangelical. I thought my sister who had bc was being a bit evangelical when she told me a few years ago that the mammogram didn't catch it and she had dense breast tissue, and I really needed to be proactive about getting checked.....but honestly, somehow I think I thought I was immune (yeah, right, like it is a virus of some type...).

and I didn't say anything to the hairdresser when I got my hair cut short a week ago. Just told her to go shorter than usual (thinking if I do need chemo it would make the whole cutting the hair short thing easier)...telling her is a fear I think about too much to be honest (as is shaving my head. How do women find the strength to do that?) When I thought I would need a mx (I was originally told that location near the nipple might mean I wasn't a Lx candidate, but my wonderful bs was able to do lx and nipple removal and get very wide margins to boot). Anyway, the thought of losing the breast was honestly less scary to me than losing my hair. Is that because it can be hidden but the lack of hair is harder to hide? I know they say wigs are great these days, I just refuse to believe it.....the thought of wearing a wig gives me the heebie-jeebies. Completely irrational, I know.

My daughter has converted to Islam and wears a hijab (head scarf), so I've decided that if I do lose my hair I am going to ask her to help me style some hijabs (she does remarkable things with coordinating the head gear with whatever high fashion jeans or dress she is wearing that day: I think living in LA has worn off on her. She certainly didn't get the high fashion gene from me :-)...). So anyway, I've decided if that happens I am just going to tell people I got religion and converted. and then covert back to my non-religious self when the hair comes back. Hah.

And you thought YOU were neurotic, smj...

So sorry to hear about your father. Sending HUGS and lots of love your way, dear sister.

Sweetmamaj

Thanks 123, and good to hear that news about your sister(s).

Octo, I told my hairstylist that if my MO recommends chemo, I plan to go to her and have my hair cut short and want her to dye it blue (a toss back to wanting a blue streak in my hair during the late 1980s). She smiled and thought it would be fun. She said she would show me how to use false eyelashes (no thank you), and help draw in brows. Sweet girl, right? Then I told her if I have chemo, and if my hair falls out, there will be a short window of time to do anything because it will likely fall out fast and in clumps. So I mused that I would probably let her do anything she wanted--double process it. Hell, even triple process my hair, if she wanted to... I heard a gasp and she squeaked "REALLY?? because that would be so..." I looked over and saw she was practically drooling with an open-mouth smile and glazed eyes, like a hungry blond cat who had just won the smorgasbord jackpot.

Molly50

Sweetmamaj, I hope it's okay to join this conversation. First big hugs and prayers for the loss of your father. You must be reeling right now. I lost my dad nearly 3 years ago and I miss him even more since my diagnosis.

As for the topic, I too look at women more closely and wonder if they have been affected by this beast called breast cancer. I initially only shared my diagnosis with a select few at work, close friends and family members. Once I found out that I have to have a mastectomy and probably chemo I figured there's no hiding it so I am very open now. If I tell a vendor or co-workers I am going to be out on leave I tell them why. The response I get really proves how widespread it is. Most people have someone in their life who has been through this. I get a lot of encouragement not stories of doom and I always tell people if they start to say how sorry they are that it's okay I plan to beat this. I don't want to feel shame that my body betrayed me or that I am just a statistic. This journey prompted my sister to have an MRI and genetic testing and allowed me to support a friend just diagnosed this week. I wasn't going to be open on Facebook or any social media but decided against being quiet. I found out that some of my friends have been down this road too. After finding this wonderful place it occurred to me that our journey is meant to be shared so we can help raise awareness. Sorry for being so wordy.