Obsessing

LilyoftheValley

I am 38. I am my husband's third wife. His second wife passed away when her breast cancer came back a second time and metastasized.

I was never a self checker until I met him and learned of her story and battle.

We have only been married for 4 years. I found a lump slightly larger than the tip of my pinky this past week. I already had an appointment scheduled with my GP for something else, so I decided I would talk to him about it then. It was the longest 2 days.

I expected to hear that it was nothing to be worried about like I hear all the time. Instead, the shock in his voice as he said Wow, not once, but twice, sent my nerves into hyper drive.

I am now waiting for my appointment for a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound on Friday. I am obsessing over the lump. I keep checking it, hoping to find that it's gone away.

I feel like I've been invaded by a little alien. I feel like my husband doesn't deserve to go through the stress of the wait again. I feel guilty that I told him I found the lump in the first place.

I know the statistics of the 80% of lumps are benign, but that's not bringing me any comfort. I just want to cry and scream and sleep and so many emotions right now. My daughter says I just need to stop stressing about it, but how do I do that?

I anticipate the next 5 days to go by slowly and then the wait for those results will begin.

AnniebNJ

I am so sorry for what you are going through. The anxiety while waiting for tests or results was the most difficult part of the process for me. Many people on this forum use various methods to help with the anxiety such as medication (ativan and xanax are mentioned), exercise, yoga and meditation.

I hope the next few days go quickly for you. Good luck!

614

Dear Lily:

I wish you the best.  The waiting and wondering is one of the worst parts of the ordeal.  Good luck getting through it and hopefully, the lump will be benign.  I don't have any advice for you on how to deal with the agony, anxiety, and stress of waiting for your tests and results.  I, too, keep checking my breasts constantly so I can sympathize with what you are enduring. I am on a 6 month wait and watch for a suspicious area. 

Good luck and I will send you positive thoughts.

tangandchris

((hugs))

I'm so sorry to hear this for you and your dh. The waiting IS difficult, just try (yes I know easier said than done) and keep busy with other things. I remember the waiting part and how I kept checking to see if the lump was really there, or if it was getting smaller/larger...etc.

Please let us know how you are doing. Also, you might call and see if there are cancelations to get in sooner.

LilyoftheValley

I found another lump in the same breast. I don't think it was there before. Is this common?