Introduce myself

SkiQueen

Hello,

I have been lurking on this forum for going on 2 years. I suppose I should intoroduce myself properly. In 2013 I had some serious menstrual bleeding that scared me like crazy. I went to Dr. to see what was up. The doc ordered full screening, including mammogram. I almost cancelled appointment, why a mammogram for bleeding issues? Well, mammogram came back with positive for breast cancer. A different doctor called with the news and said "but if you're going to have breast cancer this is the one you want to have , in fact, it used to be called precancerous. You'll need a lumpectomy and maybe radiation." Well, you all know the shock this news put me in but, hey, precancer didn't sound too bad. First surgeon,"I don't know why doctor told you lumpectomy. You have a 9cm x 9cm area in a 34A breast, you have to have a mastectomy. But you are a good candidate for nipple sparing surgery." Wait, what?!?!? Mastectomy? I don't think so. How am I supposed to live without my most sensual breast?? went for a second opinion at world famous hospital. Second surgeon, "I don' t know why they told you nipple sparing surgery,you have cancer cells there. But we will do TE and implant." After surgery , "Not clear margins plus, as we discussed, you are too slender so no TE." But minimal scar from mastectomy because my breast was small.

Then in Feb., 2014 had a huge area of skin removed to get clear margins. In order to close me up again the PS was going to skin graft but managed to twist and turn my skin to cover the open wound. Now I have a huge scar

Anyways, I have some depression issues now and will talk about that in the correct place, but now you have my intro.

BarredOwl

Welcome SkiQueen!

I am a fellow long-time lurker! In my case, I began lurking in June, 2013 and first posted in April of 2015.

I am therefore BarredOwl, named after an owl in my neighborhood who is silent for long periods of time and then begins hooting away.

BarredOwl

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Age 52 at diagnosis - Stage IA IDC; Bilateral mastectomy and SNB without reconstruction 9/2013

Dx Right: ER+PR+ DCIS (5+ cm) with IDC (1.5 mm) and micro-invasion < 1 mm; Grade 2 (IDC); 0/4 nodes.

Dx Left: ER+PR+ DCIS (5+ cm); Grade 2 (majority) and grade 3; isolated tumor cells in 1/1 nodes (pN0i+(sn)).

SkiQueen

Thanks for the greetings BarredOwl, my fellow former lurker!


I noticed you also have had no reconstruction. How are you coping with that psychologically? I am really surprised at myself how hard it has been for me. I never really gave my breasts much thought, they were just there when I needed them sexually and because they were, as the medical professionals like to keep reminding me, "quite small", they never got in my way athletically. I have never had time to give much thought to my looks, never been accused of being vain, was comfortable in my own skin. So how come this is affecting me so much? My husband said when I was in tears "this is not like you."
(Maybe I should start a new thread somewhere else)😕

SkiQueen

queenmomcat

(waves hello) Another person with DCIS over here.

BarredOwl

Hi SkiQueen:

It would be a good subject for a new thread. I would think since you would have liked reconstruction, adapting to flat is probably harder. I'm probably on the low end of psychological impact, so I don't have any great insight on coping. I am a former 36 barely B. I never had kids, and they were kind of just there. So, once I had the pathology results from the biopsies, I was like "See ya!" Of course, I was nervous about the surgery, etc. Initially, I had pretty bad issues with arm range of motion (now much improved with physical therapy) and that upset me more, because I was not expecting it.

I found the www.breastfree.org site and Living without Mastectomy after Reconstruction forums to be helpful:

https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/82

There are some very resilient and practical ladies there who were role models for me.

BarredOwl

BarredOwl

Hi SkiQueen:

I guess I should add that while I am probably on the lower end of the psychological impact scale, I have not yet achieved the state of "rocking flatness like a badass"! See, for example:

https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/82/topic/...

This surgery was not an improvement, with the exception of eliminating bounce while jogging in place. Occasionally, I have moments of wistfulness.

I have a pretty nice surgical result, which makes things easier I think. Still, I papered over my mirrors up to neck height for the first few weeks after surgery, so as not to catch a glimpse of myself unawares, and to give myself time to acclimate. In a weird phenomenon, I still don't like to see my scars in the morning, but don't mind it in the evening (the owl in me I guess).

Also, I have a small frame and I am "superflat" (that is one word, and I just coined it). The concept that no one will notice does not apply! I got some puzzled stares a couple of times and didn't like it much, so now I only go flat at home or when hiking, flying (in layers), and in the cold months if I can wear a down jacket or vest. The majority of the time in public, I wear size 1 microbead forms.

BarredOwl