5 year milestone for me

kathleen1966 · August 2015

Well I made it to my five year milestone with my Her2+ cancer. I had planned on celebrating on my favorite beach in Cape Cod but as the day got closer I felt less and less like making any fuss at all. I ended up throwing together a dinner at the cottage we were staying in and, as my family was up there vacationing as well, they all came. We then drove to the beach but the sky was gray and there was no sunset. I bought lanterns but didn't send them off. I didn't want to cause a fire. I do feel very lucky to still be here, but there have been no grand revelations or life changing/soul wrenching events/changes in the past five years. The dirty dishes became dirty dishes again, the laundry started to smell like it always has, and I stopped noticing just how many cemeteries there actually were/are everywhere. The anniversary day of my diagnosis I was in the ocean looking like a bad ass with my weight and compressed arm. A wave crashed into my head and my sister snapped a picture. There I stood, with a giant wave hitting me in the back of the head and it didn't phase me or move me or scare me at all. My eyes were wide open. Maybe I'll post the photo when she sends it to me or maybe I'll just let you come to your own visualization of what this day may look like for you five years from now. To the newly diagnosed, it's not your fault. I have been on here for five years and what I have seen is you may be fine and you may not be fine, no-one can answer that question for you so try (notice how I don't say don't bother, because this is impossible and unrealistic to think that this will be easy) to put it out of your head and be in each day as it comes. I wish everyone who may read this a good day today!

inks · August 2015

Congratulations on reaching the 5 year mark and thanks for posting! You are an inspiration!

gypsyjo · August 2015

Congratulations, Kathleen. You give us all a longer perspective and hope going forward.

lkc · August 2015

Kathleen, congrats on this huge milestone. The rate of recurrence for us er/pr neg & her 2 pos exponentially has reduced big time? Enjoy. I am so happy for you

tangandchris · August 2015

I love the visual of you in the ocean standing up against the wave...eyes open! Thank you for sharing! I want to say congrats, but that doesn't quite feel right. ((hugs))

kathleen1966 · August 2015

congratulations is definitely the right thought and word! Thankyou everyone!

MmeJ · August 2015

Congrats!

Some of us have now reached a place we may have thought, at times, we never would.

Kathleen26 · August 2015

Glad to see you're doing so well. I let my 5 year diagnosis anniversary go by without any fanfare too. I was not at all certain I'd be around by this time. I don't know what's to come, but try to face each day eyes open too. Best to you.

hopefour · August 2015

How fun that you were/are in Cape Cod..what a lovely place to celebrate your five years!! Our family favorite vacation place is Nantucket!! Yes, life continues on dirty dishes and all, but there are moments for me when I am caught by a moment and realize just how thankful I am to still be here. There is a gratefulness for the mundane at times, for the strength of that day and the awe of what I've been through to be here now!

geewhiz · August 2015

CONGRATULATIONS!

I love the wave crashing into you not causing a flinch - not much phases us anymore, eh?

Elizabeth1959 · August 2015

i liked your post a lot. I agree with everything you said. Life goes on, both the good and the bad. I also have no great revelations. I'm trying to live my life with meaning knowing the future is not guaranteed. I like reading the signatures of the other 5 year stage 3 survivors. It is encouraging to see there are others who had poor prognostic features who are doing well. As far as I know, I'm the only person on earth who had a 16'5 cm tumor .