STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

goodprognosis

Hate Pinktober...

But I'm luckier than a lot of you on here as its not overly celebrated here in Ireland in October. Hasn't caught on yet I guess.

We're too busy building up to 'fright night' - which has another meaning for us this year.!!

GP

ctmbsikia

Today is one of those not normal days. Maybe it's hearing of another BC death, or an angry author who just wrote a book about her BC, and/or did I sleep wrong? I can feel that gd seroma thing in my boob today. Wearing my tight bra which helps but will this thing ever resolve? I also feel I will always experience higher anxiety in and around appointments and tests as well. I'm getting over a head cold and rescheduled an MO appt from earlier this week until Oct 7. I wouldn't want to be a potential risk to another patient, especially one in treatment even though I wouldn't be near them, still better safe than sorry. Then, in my portal the BS team sends a reminder letter to schedule next tests. IN DECEMBER!!! STFU and leave me alone!! I'll schedule them when I'm done the MO appt. MO will probably order a DEXA and a low dose lung scan. When this whole thing started I did all these tests at the same time. Now, they're still coming due at the same time but from 2 different doctors-so what to do to spread this out = anxiety. I don't know which set of test to push into 2020 and I'm leaning breast imaging ones. I'm more worried of bone loss right now and want to see where I am with the DEXA. With the seroma thing it was recommended I have both an MRI and a Mammo-but since I know what it is that can wait, right? I don't know. I will obviously mention this and see if there's an answer. Seems so mundane to get worked up over this. Not to mention the insurance claims. Another reason to split 2 this year, 2 can wait til next year with new plan. I should go punch something until this feeling goes away. /sigh

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I guess I'm lucky too? because in the third world there is no Pink October ...

My rant today is a private rant... All my life I wanted to have a gray cute kitten, and I could never had it ... while other people find it in their yard and take pictures showing off in their beautiful hands, and we don't know if they are going to write on it with a sharpie, or they will take its blood glucose values or what ... but I'm jealous. Yes, I'm talking about you beautiful woman... I love you

edj3

Aw Yndorian1, I'm sorry you don't have the kitten you want. That kinda breaks my heart, to be honest.

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I knew you would understand ... LOL 😊

Artista928

Pets are wonderful companions esp for those of us who live alone.

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I'm sorry. I was trying to make a joke to friends from another thread but they are not reading this ... It was not a real complaint ... Although it might well be! LOL

Artist928: You are right, my dog is my best friend. I never feel alone if he is arround!

runor

Some of us are reading this!

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runor...

k4523

Thanks for the thread! I need a steam room right now. Just had second surgery two days ago, removed spacer and placed implants. I am an emotional wreck today and I can't get it together. I was very fortunate... ILC, but caught early. Double Mastectomy. I looked at my reconstructed self today, and while I know there is still swelling... I HATE it! I was asked if I wanted nipple sparing, since my cancer was caught early enough and on the outside, that was an option. I'm like idk, I guess (just had found out what I thought would be another lumpectomy was going to be a double mastectomy, so no time to think or research). My nipples are sooooo low and it makes it look like old sagging breasts even though they aren't sagging. It's like all the skin stretching happened above them. I know this isn't the PS's fault, it's just how my body is made, but I look like I have two wide spaced headlights with the fog lights on.. It' shouldn't matter and will be fine in clothes, but has anyone else just lost it with the final result? I should be so grateful as I was lucky, but just can't stand looking at myself.

edj3

Runor! Yay!

Artista928

k4523 I was told not to judge until 3 to mo out when swelling is gone and it's settled in.

k4523

Thank you for that Artista928, just a bad day with meds wearing off probably. Hopefully it will look better

VLH

k4523, I'm so sorry. After going through the lengthy reconstruction process, of course, you're frustrated. I hope the result improves as you heal.

Ironically, I'm disappointed for the opposite reason. Redness and sutures aside, my breasts looked great after a dramatic reduction (an F/G cup, now a small C). As the swelling receded, all the volume toward the top of my breasts disappeared and my nipples kept moving higher and higher on my chest wall. The PS said she could try to fix it, but it could happen again. I didn't feel that I could delay radiation any longer and I might have been pushed into a new insurance year / $5,000 out-of-pocket.

I can't wear even a fairly modest square-neck shirt for fear my nipples (which I can't feel) would sneak out and my swimsuit search is limited to high-neck styles. My PS did a great job with keeping circulation to the nipples. Ironically, I was planning to go "Barbie" if I'd gone with a BMX. My nipples always poked out prominently, which I hated, but now they're practically parallel with my armpits. I have to wear padded bras to compensate for being an AA or A on the top of my breasts and a C on the bottom. Since I was a D cup at 18 when I weighed 109 pounds and was 36-24-35, the new breasts seem far too small relative to my now voluminous stomach. I would get implants to regain fullness of I could afford it. That and a tummy tuck to get rid of the extra skin related to a 100+ pound weight loss. And hair transplants and...OK, I'm sounding terribly vain and shallow.

The good news is I'm still here to vent about my freakish nipples. Although I usually wear at least a sports bra to avoid further northern nipple migration, on an exception basis, I love being able to slip out to the mailbox or hit a drive through lane for breakfast without donning a bra to hoist my breasts up. The small breasts are also much easier on my aching shoulders.

Lyn

k4523

VLH, thank you for your kind reply... and for making me smile, ok, I actually laughed. I really appreciate it! I just wish I'd of had more time to think about and research it, or the PS would have told me more. No feeling, in my mind meant no nipping out. Congratulations on the weight loss, that is amazing! I stayed close, went from a barely B to a full B (I hope), looks like a whole lot more right now with the swelling, but that's where I was with the spacer. I might on my post surgery visit see if I can still get them removed. Guessing not at this point. A bra will always be needed, unless wearing a heavy sweatshirt, to hid that. What a shame, isn't it? Regardless, we are here, we were able to get reconstruction, so all is good. I get the Out of pocket, mine was 7k, so hopefully can be done with everything by Dec!!!

PinkArmor

My rant is Where are all my friends? I mean the ones who when 1st diagnosed said "I'll be checking on you everyday" who I haven't heard from since the surgery. My best friend hasn't once called and checked since surgery(2 states away). Not a message on FB or text nothing. Other friends that said they'd check on me - nothing. This is the loneliest disease. Even my boss at work has never once asked how I am feeling, do I need anything. I feel as if I always need to be acting like everything is good to make others feel better. They act as if it's contagious. Or some act like if they ask how I feel it might remind me I have cancer- as if I forget. Daily rad tx is a pretty good reminder. Just frustrating. I know how I would act if it were my best friend - she couldn't shake me loose. Someone should write a book to tell others how to behave around and help those with cancer. How to for Dummies- make it simple.

Meow13

Well, today is better, the sun is out. I think the news of Cokie Roberts' death had me down along with my sore wound. I just finished vaccuuming and laundry. I dusted my curio cabinet and contents. My sore feels better not enjoying the sun and the birds. My cats are asleep.

Maybe I will feel good enough to go out to dinner.

Micmel

Yndorian~ My sweetheart, I love you too 😜. The kitten isn't mine. Lol. He lives in Colorado. I'm allergic!🥺. It was just to show how small (the sharpie) she was and how precious finding. Her to help her was so important. Ya little turkey!! I don't post here anymore. Someone occupies some space here I'd rather not be around. But you my beautiful friend are my sister. And I love you too! And Runor.....♥️

k4523

PinkArmor, I'm so sorry. I think sometimes people are so busy with life they forget. It's not intentional, just life. I also think when you appear strong, and act like nothing is wrong, then people don't feel you need help. Sometimes you just need to reach out or ask for the help you need, or when people ask how you are doing, be honest. I am so sorry you are so alone in all of this. Sending hugs!

Artista928

❤

Artista928

nothing like someone not letting something that was misunderstood go..

Micmel

Bravo

AliceBastable

PinkArmor, I had the same thing happen with family and friends. Maybe I sounded too un-needy when I let everyone know, but other than the initial "Oh no, too bad" responses, I got nothing from any of them, no checking in during recovery or treatment. If I have any other health issues in the future, I'll be keeping those to myself and my husband.

sweetp6217

I just want to scream at my workplace HR, boss, etc. about how they don't have a clue about what can happen after cancer treatment. "You got through your chemo, surgery and rads? That means you are cured! Grats!" (Now, get back to work and be what you were two years ago!). Right! NOT! HR is absolutely clueless, at least, the one person I spoke with (on the phone, no face to face).

Millions of people go through Cancer (like 1 in 3 in a lifetime, 1 in 8 for BC). Many have to go through this conversation at work. Like, I can't be the same person I was before. Cancer took a big bite out of me. Sigh. The only positive out there is the new Doctor I have and all of you that post here to share their love. Thank you all for that.

VLH

k4523, I'm glad I could provide a chuckle. Please be frank with your surgeon about concern about the placement of the nipples. As women, we often tend to smile politely and accept "less than" because we don't want to chance hurting someone's feelings, but perhaps some tweak can be made before year-end. Delays had already dragged my treatment across two insurance years and there was the blasted radiation waiting in the wings so that wasn't an option for me; however, if you don't speak up, the surgeon will likely assume you're satisfied with the appearance of your breasts. Perhaps say something like, "I'm very concerned about the position of my nipples. I know it's not long since my implants were inserted, but insurance co-pays are adding a sense of urgency to correct this. What are our options?" I hope you can get a more flattering result.

Lyn

PinkArmor

sweetp6217- I am HR - 2nd rung. I handle all the day to day stuff. My boss is the HR manager and she is pretty much heartless. She never has any sympathy for anyone and believes everyone is faking their illnesses or injuries. I try to be the one that everyone can come to and talk out their issues- they were so happy to see me when I came back from surgery. My employees in the production area have been wonderful. So caring and concerned.

I think I just expected more from friends because I am different than that. I would be at least texting everyday till they had to chase me away. I wouldn't anyone to feel they were alone - especially another female friend. Husbands are great but sometimes you just need that girl friend to talk to. Thank goodness for this place.

hugs to everyone.

Lexica

sweetp, I so get that. and then there is something like Sarah Thomas breaking a record by swimming the English Channel 4x that hits the news (in case you haven't seen it) and people are like 'see what she did after breast cancer?' Don't get me wrong, kudos to Sarah - that is amazing and I have nothing but joy and admiration towards her. But it's everyone else that only see the good things about it and automatically apply that to you and expect the same level of amazing. We are not all heroes - at least not in the way everyone wants us to be.

edj3

Lexica I literally just saw that article about Sarah Thomas and thought gosh, I can't even get my arm straight over my head or straight out at my side yet.

To your point, the limited mobility (and pain that comes with it) is invisible to others. But it sure as hell hurts and bothers me.

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edj3: My arm also hurts and it bothers me ... My RO says that she don't see traces of lymphedema... I think I have an elbow dislocation due to the position of the arm during my surgery. Now my armpit tendon protrudes in such a way that I am even afraid to stretch it too much for fear of being cut ... this is so surreal ...

edj3

Yeah I don't think I have lymphedema either, although I'm dutifully seeing the Occupational Therapist nearly every week. My next appointment is Monday and I'm going to ask about radiation induced fibrosis and see what she thinks. This blows.