Anxiety

gooseberry

I was diagnosed in May: IDC, 2mm tumor, ER PR HER2 positive, Had lumpectomy June 30. Nodes and margins were clean. Her2 requires chemo (beginning aug 2015) even though its considered stage one. This is all good and I know it is but I cannot shake the feeling that it is somewhere else festering. Like I could put it out of my mind but it just creeps up especially on these days of insomnia. Its 6 am and I still cannot sleep and I am not on any meds or anything, its just anxiety or stress I guess because its been happening since april when I found the lump. It does not help I stumbled upon a blog tonight of a gal like me and her blog was long so I went to the beginning and was reading along. She was funny, wrote well... then her BC reoccurs and its stage 4 and then it goes all the way to her passing away. Man I was all choked up and crying like a baby. It was so sad. So then I get to thinking its here its there, I only found it in the breast but its growing everywhere... I did read its a normal fear but it has a hold of me. No plans for scans or anything I don't figure they would just to ease my mind. How can I get over this. I will be fine for a few days then have a day like this and I cannot sleep thinking about where all it is. Sigh... thanks for any words, or thoughts.

My other irrational fear is I am going to go get chemo either one of the 6 times and come home and fall asleep and pass away. I even had a dream about it... I hate the way this is messing with my head Everyone keeps telling me how strong I am and my positive attitude and they have no idea...

debiann

Gooseberry,

We all have those days, they become less after awhile. Here's how I get through them. I remind myself that although there is a chance I may die of cancer, today is not the day and I'm not going to let thoughts of cancer rob me of this day. Try not to think , "what if" and take it one day at a time.

I have the same dx as you. While there is always a chance of recurrance, the odds are in your favor that it won't recur.

If it does recur there are still many treatment options and you may still have a good quality of life for many years, even at stage.lV.

The time to worry about dying is when the doctor tells you there are no more treatment options.

Live for today, not for what might happen.