Are you a public or private person?

juneping

i am a private person and kept it private. i did tell some of my coworkers and my boss....since i was going to so many doc appointments when i was on a deadline.

real friends and family also heard my news...that's about it.

i didn't want to broadcast my health and didn't want men to stare at my chest to figure out what's the difference before and after.

i think health is a private matter and only want to disclose to people i trust.

Trvler

I never came out on FB and I am glad I made that choice. I got every stupid comment there is from the people that did know. I didn't need that from my FB world, too. My personal favorites were 'Sugar FEEEDDDSS cancer' from a person who drinks lots of alcohol and 'You have to be positive' from someone who probably said 9 out of 10 things you shouldn't say to a BC patient.

I strongly encourage anyone to tell fewer people in the early days. Once it's out there, you can't take it back. But you always have the choice to tell someone later.

Blinkie

I am a private person & have told only a few people about my diagnosis. I asked them to not discuss my health with anyone but me. I'm sure I have done the right thing for myself, but recently have thought of some consequences.

One is that people misinterpret my actions. Because they don't know why I am not participating in things (social things or volunteering) people make up reasons for my absence. Unfortunately people are going to gossip no matter what. I need to accept this or ignore it. & if my situation stabilizes, I can perhaps get back to my former activities.

Next week I am having a PET scan because there are some spots on my spine that the doctors are concerned about. This has made me think (way too much) about bone mets. & this led to me thinking about how my privacy could negatively affect my husband. If I die from breast cancer, my husband will not be served by so few people knowing what is going on. One of my main concerns is his welfare if I am gone. To help him, I would be willing to share my diagnosis with more people. If this is what happens, we are going to make a plan to help him transition to a life w/o me. I suppose that could seem sad, but it also seems like something we could assert some control over.

Recently I was reminded how much I am unable to cope with people. I had a few casual interactions in which I mentioned something about my health. One person, who is aware of my health history, only asked when I would be "back to normal." In another situation I answered "how are you?" with too much honesty and mentioned that my joints were hurting. She immediately suggested a solution. These interactions made me realize I was looking for a bit of comfort & support rather than solutions or suggestions that I need to get over it. I know I am too sensitive. That's part of why I don't want my personal information made public.

exbrnxgrl

May I suggest an opposite strategy? Being open and honest, when you are ready, can go a long way toward stopping gossip. If people know that they can ask you directly about your health, gossip and rumors have little reason to exist. At stage IV, things are never going to get back to "normal" for me, yet in a sense, because I control the information, I have created a normal existence in the midst of a life limiting situation.

DivineMrsM

I often wonder if it is because we are women we are always hit with the "stay positive" thing. Kind of like the FDLS, fundamental church of Jesus Christ latter day saints, that makes all the women wear dresses with long johns under them and poufy hair and admonishes them that thru everything they are to "keep sweet". We are supposed to slather ourselves in pink everything and be upbeat always. Hm.

Telling someone with stage iv bc to be positive is trivializing what that person is going thru. It is a superficial response that does not hint at understanding what a person with stage iv experiences. It is not a perky disease. I have had many great times since being dx with stage iv, but I am realistic about dealing with the disease and refuse to put a pink bow attitude on something that stinks.

HealthyandHappy

I have just been diagnosed. I am a very private person, but, I am feeling drawn towards doing something similar & creating a blog. I am taking it slow, as, since the knowledge that I have breast cancer is so new.

Moderators

HealthyandHappy-

Welcome to BCO! We're sorry you find yourself here, but we're glad you've joined us. We hope you find these forums to be helpful as you begin down this road.

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