Frustrated / Forgetful

Summer15

Hi, I found a lump in my left breast, went to my primary doc, moved on through the process to get a mammo and US the second week of June. I was then referred over to a breast surgeon for two biopsies (one of the lump I felt and another that showed up on the US). Both the surgical consult and the biopsies were yesterday and I find myself so frustrated with myself, I can't stand it.

I had questions for the surgeon but foolishly wrote none of them down. I typically have a good memory and just didn't account for what nerves and anxiety would do to me (even though I went through this whole rodeo two years ago, to be ultimately dx with Fibrocystic Breasts). In the consult and subsequent biopsy yesterday, my dr said she believes with almost certainty that one lump is a cyst, but the other palpable one, she "doesn't like the look of it" and is concerned because of it's position, physical properties and uneven edges.

This is apparently where I lost my ability to speak as I did not have the courage to ask her if she thought it was BC and her estimation of probability of malignancy. I'm mad that I didn't open my mouth and even now, I can easily rationalize that it was due to the stress in the moment, it's no material comfort when all that is running through my mind is she was skeptical about it and I didn't ask more probing questions.

I will have the results mid to late week, this week. I know there is nothing to be done during the waiting period but to wait but the more time I spend on Dr. Google (clearly not the best idea), the more disappointed I am in myself and the higher my overall stress level climbs as literally everything I read that matches the properties of my lump, suggest a high probability of malignancy. Ugh. So, no questions really, just wishing I could go back to yesterday and get a re-do so I could just ask that one question "what do you think it is?"

april485

 ^^^ What Kayb said is right on. You still have a chance this is not a malignancy. Hugs as you wait..that is always very hard on us. Hoping your results are benign!

tgtg

Summer15--You're not the first to experience this feeling and certainly won't be the last. As kayb said, the won't know anything for sure until the path report comes in, so just start writing down your questions now, before your next visit. You said nothing about having a companion with you at that meeting with the surgeon--having a second set of ears to hear the answers to your questions and all info that the dr gives is really helpful. If no significant other is in your picture, then ask a friend (one who has been through this herself can be of real help--a divorced friend of mine learned this when she took me along with her for visits following her very first--solo--one). As for anxiety, take a hike whenever you start to worry, fret, obsess, whatever--well maybe just a brisk walk, if not a full-fledged hike-- or go to your gym for a good workout. Exercise is a superb stress reliever for everyone, and the added benefit of staying fit if you need treatment for b.c. is enormous! Good luck, and I hope your results will be favorable and you won't need any of this advice!

Summer15

Thank you so much for your comments everyone.

I know you are right in that only the actual results and pathology will provide a more definitive set of information.  Really great guidance and insight.  Should this be the start of a journey for me, you are right in that I would rather learn right out of the gate how to prepare, how to get feedback and how to ensure I organize my thoughts.

I did not have anyone with me at the appointment yesterday and in all honesty, really struggle to rely on others to help me.  I am a single mom of three daughters and don't have a huge network to call upon.  That is an excuse though - I will have to shove myself out of my comfort zone of intense personal privacy should I need to move forward.  I think I will need to work on this. 

 Hopefully tomorrow I'll get the results and will hear that the findings were benign.