Just diagnosed and headed for surgery

Englishmummy

Nagoskwe, They are being nice and  you ARE doing good. You sound positive and calm, who could ask for more right now? You appear to be a very centered spirit.  People still think it is like in the 1950's when people stayed in bed sedated for a month after mastectomy - they don't get it. My sister-in-law was floored that I was doing Laundry 2 days after....keep your chin up and keep us posted on your drains.

magiclight

I too hope your drains come out as you will be even more comfortable. I can relate to how other people feel about post op course. I was playing cards with friends at my house less than a week post op. Caution: do not overdo as your body needs time to heal, recover from anesthetic and general surgical trauma. I recall that I would lie down for a short nap and wake up a couple of hours later - body knows best! Moments when it gets to you come and go. I cannot predict when my 'moments' come but when they do I go with it rather than fight and find that they do not last as long that way.

Let us know about drain decision.

MoM52413

Hello

I was diagnosed with IDC (grade 1) incl. DCIS in my left breast a few weeks ago. BRCA neg, E+, P+, HER2 -. My doc said breast conservation is the best way to go. They don't suspect lymph node involvement but are doing the Sentinel node biopsy anyway. I am scheduled to go in within a few weeks for surgery. I've had breast pain (large cysts that had to be drained) and greenish/yellow liquid easily expressed from my nipples for the last 11 years. Mammogram never found the cancer, MRI did. Ultrasound guided biopsy confirmed it. I am still in "pain" now... that is, I have a dull ache where the biopsy was done a month ago and it radiates to my underarm. Prior to biopsy i was having trouble with stiffness and sharp shooting pains through my neck on that side, right up to my chin. I am uncomfortable all of the time. Wondering if a mastectomy is a better option?

Moderators

Hello MoM,

We are so sorry to hear that you are so uncomfortable. You may also want to post in the surgery forum for additional input. Here is our section on surgery that could also be helpful: http://www.breastcancer.org/treatment/surgery

We're thinking of you!

The Mods

MoM52413

Thank you

Nagoskwe

I am happy to report my drains did come out, and the bandages did come off.   I am very pleased with how I am healing, I have discovered something rather unexpected though.  Once the hot sticky uncomfortable bandages were removed I found two things that effect my body. 

One the bandages kept the stitches ( which hopefully will be out on this coming thursday) from getting stuck in my shirts!  Ouch!  movement becomes more limited.

Two, that the bandages actually kept me from feeling the interesting and irritating sensations that follow nerve damage.  I find having much of anything on my chest to be uncomfortable, and irritating.  Hmm perhaps I should move to a nudist colony LMAO   The sensations seem to flip from phantom pain ( I know I don't have any nipples that could get pinched) to strange tingling that runs from my collar bones to the bottom of my rib cage and actually wraps around my chest to the underside of my arms and the shoulder blades.  

there are actually moments when I want the bandages back or I simply want to go topless.  I do go topless at night, I lock the doors pull the curtains and pull off my top just to feel nothing for a little while.  I find my reach is limited due to the new scars that are forming, raising my hands above my head is still hard, and uncomfortable.  

More so than any of that I want to talk about going out for the first time.

It was a simple trip to the grocery store.  Pick up a few things for dinner, and go home.  simple right?

NOT!  I found myself very aware of where peoples eyes settled, and often it was right at my chest.  I found myself very self conscious of the fact that I no longer have boobs.  It was difficult for me and very eye opening at the same time.  

I put myself into a position to truly face the image of what I am as a woman, how I see myself, and how others see me.  I was probably far more conscious of it than anyone else.  I felt like I was some how less of a woman for a few moments.  It was not a nice feeling.  I avoided the melons and choose grapes instead.    That was the moment when I realized that it was me judging me, not anyone else.  It is easy to say stay strong you are still a wonderful woman, it is not so easy to believe it every minute of every day.  

I am not afraid of how others will see me, I am more afraid of how I will see myself.   Afraid of what I will project to the world about me.  I feel broken, I feel less than I used to be.  Not all the time, but sometimes.  

I am going to go buy a big pack of post it notes, and begin to leave reminders for myself all over the house.  I am a complete woman, I am worthy of kindness and love, I am beautiful just as I am right now.  Those are things I will remind myself of.  

I will also give myself permission to cry and grieve for my lost boobs.  So there will be times when I am teary eyed and sad, I will also use those times to remind myself that my worth is not wrapped up in that lost tissue, it cannot be cut away from me so easily.  

Englishmummy

Nagoskwe, yes, yes and yes to all the beautiful words you wrote. You are a strong and VERY beautiful woman - it is most obvious that the most beautiful part of you, is the most important part - your soul.

Be not afraid.

ps. I am going to steal your post it notes idea....thank you xx

BarredOwl

Dear Nagoskwe:

I was wondering how you were doing. Thank you for the beautiful post.

BarredOwl

magiclight

Hi Nagoskwe: thank you for your deeply personal account of your post-op experience. Having had a BMX I can relate to not wanting to have anything touch my chest, the odd semi-numb and also hyper-sensitivity of my entire chest. That is just too odd for our brains to interpret. Some women find tight fitting compression camisoles comfortable while others find satiny cloth more comfortable. I find that a warm shower mid-day and a change in the fabric that touches my chest is more comfortable. Any one sensation on my chest for too long is irritating. One day on a long stretch of semi deserted back roads in my rural community, I had to pull off one camisole and put on another. I often keep a plan b available.

You are so right, feeling broken, not oneself and less that one's previous self are not nice feelings. They are however your feelings and as I learned today during my myofascial release massage, it is important to allow every feeling that arises to be OK. All I'll say is I'm not to good at that and hope to improve. Thanks for the post-it reminders of my true worth- I will give that a try.

Bravo for you going grocery shopping and your story about selecting grapes rather than melons made me smile. Hang onto that sense of humor it made me smile. As for the glances of others that is perhaps unavoidable but as you say maybe more of your own self-consciousness. You are missing two body parts and self-consciousness is understandable.

Thank you for letting us know of your progress and here is where you will find women to support you no matter how you are feeling.

sbeddows

Hi All. I am here writing just to keep my sanity. I am not yet diagnosed officially but both mammogram and ultrasound are BIRADS 5 and I have enlarged lymph nodes. The mammogram clearly showed an aggressive looking tumor so I am just now praying that there are no mets. I guess I am going out of my mind as I am positive that it it growing very quickly both in my breast and lymph node. I have a 14 month old girl and I am 36 years old. I just really feel like I have little hope left for seeing her grow up due to my young age and the possible mets and lastly the aggressiveness that this tumor appears to have. I have a strong family history with my mother passing away just 7 or so years ago with breast cancer with brain mets and I just don't know that I can handle things.I see a lot of hope with low grade and no mets....but I feel like this is nowhere near what I have. I get my official confirmation on Tuesday as I am referred to a rapid diagnostic clinic. I guess I just want to hear from people in my position and get back some hope.

Thanks all

Englishmummy

Nagowske,

 just wanted to say 'hi' and make sure you are still on the uneventful healing path? How are you doing emotionally?  I am 8 weeks out and feeling pretty good. Even the dreaded Tamoxifen has been good to me! I hope the same for you.

Nagoskwe

Am doing physically well, however am holding my breath to see if there may be a complicatin coming my way.  I have not started any hormone stuff or eve nchemo yet and may already have another whammy.

Englishmummy

Oh no - don't say that! Feel free to PM me if you want to chat. I'm thinking of you.