One year ago today....

tangandchris

One year ago today was my last chemo TAC treatment....I was end the hospital a week later. It was a year from hell for sure and sometimes I wonder how I made it.

I'm still so tired, fatigued a lot and still feel achy in my feet and legs at times. Overall I feel a lot better though, my hair is coming in, although it is still very thin at my temples and I worry that is not going to change. I wonder if the fatigue is normal one year out? I see MO in July for 3 month check.

I have struggled this year with fear and worry about it coming back, or even not having gotten rid of it all the first time. That is getting easier too, although the last few days the anxiety is creeping back in.

I feel changed, emotionally and physically for sure. I feel like I need a good cry today, like I need to mourn something but I'm not exactly sure what.

I've laid low on these boards the last couple of months as well. I've lurked around and posted a little, but I realized that I was spending too much time reading about things that were feeding my fears. I was obsessing

((hugs)) to all of us

Anonymous

I just realized I skipped right over the anniversary of my last Taxol. June 9th. Didn't even register, even though the date will always be etched in my mind. But of course I'm still in active treatment, having one more trial infusion to go.

I think tiredness is normal for awhile. You also have young children, right? That alone would wipe anyone out.

Fear of recurrence is part of my daily life. I take an antidepressant in the morning and anti anxiety pill at night. I've been kicking around the idea of going into psychriastric nursing, helping those who have been through traumatic events.

The good is that my relationship is so much stronger for having gone through this. I married my BFof two years during chemo and he has been such incredible emotional support.

Have a good cry if you need to. I've cried at every milestone, save the forgotten Chemoversary.

Hugs to you too.

tangandchris

Yes, I have a 5 year old and a 22 year old...not sure which is tougher

I cried last night to dh, vented my fears and he listened, then gave me some words of encouragement. I felt better after the cry

I agree that my relationships are stronger and I have become more empowered in my boundaries with negative people. Congrats on your marriage

I fear recurrence daily as well, some days are worse than others. Some days it's a low rumble in my brain, it may flair up briefly but I am able to put it back down in it's proper place. Other days, like yesterday...it's a loud explosion of chaos and fear and I must express it or I will crumble into the bed. I wanted to get in bed yesterday, I wanted to curl up and close out the world. BUT...I didn't! That is the good news:)

Thanks for reading BAU ((hugs))

I love the idea of working with people that have gone thru traumatic events. I would like to do that too, I'd like to use my experience to help others.