Another venting Newbie with questions.

mira845

I found the lump. I seemed to come out if nowhere. I feels big to me. Its at 12:00 above my nipple. Mamo, us, biopsy. I hated that the radiologist said "bad" when he was describing I had an abnormality. Isn't that redundant?

Invasive mammary carcinoma with ductal and lobular features, 1.2 cm maximal length. In situ carcinoma with ductal and lobular features also present.

That's about it. Shouldn't there be more??

I also hate that the primary doctor decided it was best to tell me Friday afternoon before Memorial Day so I could just stew in my fears and dread before I could do anything but read horror stories and its gonna be alright stories that did extremely little to releive me of the anxiety.

So, as most, probably all, say, I don't want to do this. I really don't want to do this. I don't know how to tell my extremely health conscience 83 year old mother, who lives with me, my two teenaged kids who maybe depend on me a little more than a lot of teenagers do on their mother. We are all close, mostly because, I believe, the trama of the rug being pulled out from under us when their father, my husband of 24 years decided to up and leave for one of our much younger employees. That was 8 years ago. Business down the tubes, me having to find a new career and now having to deal with this asshole that used to be my husband.

But I regress...

I have 3 BS appointments lined up in a couple of days. 2 in NYC and one in the boonies where I live.

OK, here are some questions:

When do you get all that other info like the hormone stuff and such.? In reading others posts, they seems to have a lot more info.

When does the oncologist come in?

My arm next to my bad boobies kind of aches. On the top part, facing out, like below my shoulder. Is this related? Everyone who felt me so far can't feel any swelling of my nodes....that's good, they say. Yeah, we'll see.

Am I destined for chemo? My friend just had a double mastectomy, reconstruction at the same time, no radiation, no chemo. Sounds too good to be true....unlike my experience with life so far. Hahaha and when we were younger, in college, she always said I lived a charmed life!! ...Jinx!!

Why is everyone so nonchalant about the hair loss?? I mean that, AND the boobie loss??...OMFG!! They are my best physical features and i love all of them!!

And I'm gonna have to go to work thru this?? Hard enough doing my job.

Sometimes I think death is better than being carved up, sick and living with cancer. I mean everything dies eventually....

Finally, Mom, can I get that puppy now?

ElaineTherese

mira,

Sorry that you find yourself here. Your biopsy report should show whether or not your cancer is estrogen (ER) and/or progesterone (PR) positive. Your HER2 status may take a little while longer to determine. Hopefully, your BS candidates should have access to that report.

There are two kinds of oncologists: medical oncologists (MOs -- oversee chemo, hormonal, and like treatments) and radiation oncologists (ROs -- oversee radiation). I met my MO shortly after meeting with my BS because I did my chemo before my surgery (neoadjuvant chemo). I only met with my RO after my surgery when we began to plan my radiation treatment. If you do surgery first, you may not meet your MO until after surgery.

Whether or not you receive chemo depends on a number of factors, such as your HER2 status, the grade of your cancer (how fast it is reproducing), the size of your lump, whether or not any lymph nodes are involved, etc. If you are HER2 negative but positive for ER/PR, you may request an oncotype test to determine whether or not your cancer will benefit from chemo. Since your cancer has lobular features, there may be chemo or radiation in the future. But, I'm not your doctor and not an expert about ILC.

No one takes the loss of their hair lightly. Some ladies fight to save their hair during chemo (see threads on cold caps.) But, hair loss is usually only due to chemo. If you don't get chemo, no worries.

No one takes the loss of their breasts lightly. Many opt for reconstruction; I opted for a lumpectomy.

Best wishes to you!

mira845

hi Elaine,

Thank you so much for all the information. It's nice to get it simply explained after reading so much technical stuff that I'm so unfamiliar with. I very much apprciate it.

I don't see any of the hormone info on my report.

I know most don't take hair and breast loss lightly. I am just very angry and have a hard time accepting it. I still haven't fully accepted that I'm a divorced woman/single mom. Up until now that was the nightmare I was trying to wake up from.

Thank you again for the response. Again, I truly appreciate it!!

Sjacobs146

mira845, all of us have been where you are now. Trust me, this is the hardest part, when you've been diagnosed, but don't have a treatment plan yet. After my biopsy I went straight home and looked at pictures of mastectomy scars for hours. I didn't sleep well for weeks. I highly recommend using a hospital that has a dedicated Breast center if possible. My hospital has a tumor board, and all the docs are on it and decide treatment, it's like getting a second, third, fourth opinion all rolled into one. I suggest getting a copy of the pathology report. There are pages on this site that will help you to read it and understand what it is saying. Most of what happens next depends on the path report. Once you meet with the surgeon you'll know whether you'll need chemo first, or lumpectomy or mastectomy.

Things look really bad now, but chances are that this is going to be just a small bump in the road of life and a year from now, you'll have put the whole thing behind you.

panthrah

yes you can have that puppy.. hell get two

ElaineTherese

Yes, cancer sux. There's no doubt about that! But you're a resourceful woman; you found a new career after your original one went bust. You've already "arisen from the ashes," so to speak. You'll just have to put that resiliency to new uses.

Everyone has challenges in life. I have twins with autism, and right now, they're going through puberty which has caused all sorts of additional behavioral issues. (After being a happy bubbly kid, one of my sons became depressed and violent.) It is what it is. But, every now and then I wonder -- just like you're probably wondering -- "Why me?" Cancer's just one more burden to carry, no? I'd be angrier if I weren't so worn out....

Deblc

Mira, this sucks and we all go through the grief, trauma, anger, depression etc. It seems impossible when you are first diagnosed that you can get through this, but you can. This board is great for support, education and venting. It has gotten many of us through this. You are not alone.

mira845

"A year from now you will have out the whole thing behind you."

That is so funny to me because, I'm a project manager in construction and construction can be very stressful...things go unexpectedly wrong all the time, material doesn't show up, deadlines get missed...people freak out. I always tell them..." A year from now, it will all be behind you, you won't even think about this.

Yeah, of course I'll get through it. What else can I do?

I'm going to BS docs affiliated with NY Presbyterian and Memorial-Sloan Kettering in NYC Thursday and Monday. Both seem to be pretty up there on the list of excellent places...so I'm told. I hope, anyway.

I vasilate between major anxiety, anger, disbelief and feelings of whatever, shit happens. Another rollercoaster. Yay. -.-

One of my crappiest feeling is the feeling of helplessness and weakness. I hate looking weak and vulnerable to others. Work will be especially difficult since I'm in a mans field. Not many women there at all. Ugh... I don't know how I'm gonna make it through this in the work regards.

Thanks for all you're responses. They help so much! I think now my infidelity forum is going to get jealous now that I'm spending so much time over here! ;-)

fizzdon52

Hi Mira, your story sounds similar to mine. I was just getting over my heartbreak of husband leaving and going broke when wham, I heard those horrible worlds, I'm sorry Mrs Price but you have Breast Cancer. It's been 18 months now and sometimes I still can't believe it. One thing I have learned along this journey, you are a lot stronger then you know, and you will find out who your true friends are. Your children may be like mine as well and become a tower of strength, as will your mother. They also told me I had Lobular with Ductal features. They told me it could be in both breasts and I would probably need a double mastectomy. Turns out the tumour which they thought was 1.5 was actually 3.5. It was just Lobular (no ductal) although they found LCIS as well. I ended up having a lumpectomy with great results and I didn't need Chemo. You are going to hear a lot that you will get over this, and I know at the moment you probably feel like you are in a deep dark hole, but things will get better. This place (the message board) has also been a great source of comfort and information. There is always a lovely lady on here who knows exactly how you are feeling and will have some words of wisdom for you. Good luck on your journey.

gulyssa

So sorry you have to go through all of this.  I wish Cancer was a person I would truly have to hurt her!  I've been going through this since September and still feel like a newbie with questions.  I am so confused half the time and angry the other half.  I remind myself everyday all and any positive things in my life and stick to me positive friends/family ONLY !!!!!!  If anyone is negative or caused you to get upset cut them off, you have enough on your plate!

Sorry I can't say more to encourage you but I wanted to reach out!  Good luck and stay strong

Anonymous

I got the information about hormonal status, etc. from my surgeon when he got the complete pathology report. He didn't have it when he did the lumpectomy, only the confirmation that the lab said it was cancerous.

You are not destined for chemo or any kind of treatment, even if your oncologist says you must. You can refuse, you can get a second opinion, you can choose. For me it was about taking everything treatment could throw at me to kick cancer's ass once and for all.

I was referred to an oncologist after I got the full pathology from my surgeon. Since oncologists are like regular docs, and you can't simply call and get in to see them the next day, it took about three weeks for me to get to my appt with my onc. I also did a bunch of research and got a second opinion from another oncologist, and talked to my other girlfriends and those in the medical field about the best oncologists in the region.

I don't know many who are nonchalant about hair loss. I did not have a "fun shave my head" party; for me, it was an intensely personal experience, I didn't want to share it with anyone other than my husband, and I could not celebrate it. I still refuse to wear hats of any kind, and I live in a mountainous region that gets lots of snow each year, because I hated having to wear a wig when I taught my university classes (which didn't look like a wig btw) and still hate the feeling of things on my head.Oh yeah: I didn't take any photos of me bald, except one: I did a difficult yoga pose the last day of chemo, on a post-chemo hike in Sedona. My husband took a photo of me then. But I didn't want memories of being sick, hating looking in the mirror because of being sick and skinny and bald, etc. To each her own.

I worked through all my tx, surgery, etc. but that was because I love my job, and my students kept my mind off my fears for 90" at a time in each class. And they were very supportive and loving, as were my colleagues, and for that alone treatment was much easier altogether.

It's okay to be angry. It's okay to be shocked. It's okay to be sad and it's definitely ok NOT to think positive. I was more sick of people saying "chin up", "it's just a bump in the road", "think positive", ad nauseaum, through all of this. Our life is being threatened and you want us to smile and say it's okay--I'll be okay, right now? So rage against c, rage against the dx, if you need to, forever how long you need to. Righteous anger is necessary at times and we shouldn't be ashamed to express it.

mira845

Thanks again to you ladies. I certainly don't mean to offend about not taking hair loss seriously. I just get sickened at the thought of any kind of celebratory moment loosing any of my "parts" even if my boobs are full of cancer and loosing my hair is part of the fight...at this time I don't feel it is any kind of victory loosing them for the fight.

Another question: I started weight watchers a couple of months before I found the lump. I've done ww before so I know how to do it and that it is a very successful program for me. But...this time it seems even easier than ever. The pounds are melting off....is this the crappy cancer doing this or have I just perfected the program????

Sjacobs146

mira845, you perfected the program. A few Cancer cells in your Breast won't cause weight loss.

You'll find that everyone handles BC differently, it's a very personal, individual thing. There are no right or wrong ways to go about it

hummingbirdlover

Welcome Mira! So sorry you find yourself on this crappy ride. You are in that horrid time post dx where your head is spinning and you're mad and scared and that is totally normal. I promise it does get easier as the puzzle pieces come together. Thinking of the weight loss thing, when I'm under huge stress I don't eat well or at all and I was shocked to learn that between dx in September and when I first met with MO after BMX surgery (about 6 weeks) I'd lost 18 pounds! I certainly wasn't trying to but stress can do weird things. Hang in there and know you're not alone. I agree with others that your kids may turn out to be your rocks and definitely provide motivation to kick cancers butt!