authenticity of feelings

Cheesequake

Having just read this article on cancer and positivity, I'm interested to know your perspectives on this article, titled "Avoiding Negative Self-Talk: Why the Phrase 'F*ck Cancer' Is No Longer in My Vocabulary."

I think both are right - and positivity is, too. I think the key is the authenticity of feelings. Letting yourself feel what you really feel, not trying to be happy or trying to accept it if you aren't ready for that yet. It's why the Kübler-Ross model of the Five Stages of Grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) exist, isn't it - because that is an authentic process.

I'd love your thoughts on this topic.

Meadow

Well, I am totally 100% not in agreement with the article. I believe that the mind and body are linked, and affect each other profoundly. I am a big believer in the power of postive thinking, and prayer. I believe this along with excellent medical care, saved my life. I am curious what others think!

arby

Over the long haul of 3 surgeries in 7 years of BC, and this being my 1 st year out again, I'd say being honest about how I feel has been most helpful. I've dealt with it truthfully in my private realm, but have also many times "risen to the occasion" with smiles and pleasantries when I didn't want any attention for my cancer state of being. That happened after my last surgery because a very important birthday party was four days after my surgery. My mom turned 100 and dear family guests were coming! so we celebrated. My mind was not on me or my drains as I made scrapbook pages and gathered a few heirlooms for a display. Interesting thing, though, was the trouble I developed with anxiety and loss of sleep once I was started on Arimedex the next month. My onc suggested that my"over doing" initially was partially to blame. Could be. So rather than denying it, I started journalling again, saw a physical therapist 7 times for scar tissue and lymph draining, got a new puppy and took up walking again. I also saw a counselor and expressed the horrid way I felt when I looked into a mirror. ( Yes, it takes some getting use to; I still struggle with it.) I was willing to put advice into action and felt really relieved. I had the April fool surgery and by mid Sept I was high on life and counting my successes. I will say one thing about positivity...it can be self-convincing!!! So give yourself permission to name the painful areas and think of strategies to improve your outlook. I leaned on others but I also felt threatened when others had that "look of pity" in their eyes. I wanted to grin and say ," well I'm still here!" My husband gets a lot of credit for listening to me as i sorted thru my feelings; he's a dear. It may not lengthen my life to smile, but that's how I want to be remembered!

Cheesequake

Great post arby, thank you. Meadow, thank you for speaking your mind! Love it!

ddfair

Thanks for posting this article. I am glad someone finally called bs on the myth of positive thinking. Now we have scientific evidence that positive thinking has no effect on outcomes. 

My observation is that mean nasty people survive longer. Thus the old adage, only the good die young.

I have been called a pessimist and a Debbie Downer. I call it a practical realist.

De

SelenaWolf

Never underestimate the motivating power of anger. It's not about being positive; it's about being focused and determined. If anger gets you there - if anger is what makes you dig in your heels, grit your teeth and get through treatment - then it's a perfectly valid response.

208sandy

I'm a "practical realist" myself - it's what keeps me ahead of my drs. and that's a good thing!!!

Anonymous

From the article"...communicating sadness, distress or fear of the unknown is healthy,positive behavior." I agree. I've been fighting the overwhelming need to overanalyze every single thing I do or feel since the dx. I'm weary of it (if I eat this apple that isn't organic because I'm hungry and it's what's available right now, will the pesticides cause a recurrence, if I don't get 10 hours of exercise a week, will the cancer come back, if I drink this bottle of wine with my daughter on vacation, will that cause recurrence, if I don't take this supplement/drug every day, will that cause recurrence...) ad nauseum. I'm so tired of trying to "think positive". I like to think that it's okay to "think neutral". Trying to force positive thinking when you are fearful can actually cause more anxiety--and I too believe that mind and body are linked to some degree. Anxiety is not a good place in which to live.

I'm seeing my counselor this month and demanding Wellbutrin. Screw it.

Meadow

ddfair....love the comment, "nasty people survive longer"!

Claire, I am glad you are talking to your doctor, I also believe in good pharmaceuticals, I hope you feel better soon

great discussion.... thanks Cheesquake

Anonymous

Follow up to the original thread--here is a great article on why simply "thinking positive" isn't enough.

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/10/...

Claire

sas-schatzi

Clair, loved Dr.Rick Hanson's take on the positive and negative. I used to teach about the nervous system. Short term and long term memory storage was part of the teaching. I used to add that for whatever the students wanted to be permanently moved from short term memory to long term memory, they should avoid alcohol after the learning or experience. Always brought groans. Students were basically adult males i.e. firefighters. Going out for drinks after class was a standard. Just didn't want them to waste time. Me on the other hand had the info already stored.