Seperation/Divorce during treatment **Newbie here**

Silver_Lining

Not sure if I need an intro or just jump right on in?
I'm 41, have been married 13 years, have 2 kids 7+10 yrs old. There was a disconnect with DH prior to diagnosis, but everything exemplified after DX. I feel DH has been unsupportive through this journey, and in our marriage/life/kids in general. After I was diagnosed I came to the conclusion I wasn't happy just accepting this lot in life, and I knew that after treatment I would proceed with a separation. I spoke to a Social Worker thru the Oncology Dept at the hospital, and one close friend about my general unhappiness and they agreed I should deal with any major issues after treatment, saving my immediate energy for day to day business and just 'getting better'.
I know my feelings of disappointment and hurt were pretty hard to hide, and DH came to me last night wanting to talk about our obvious disconnect. I tried skirting the big issue (separation) telling him I wanted to tackle any big stuff later, in a couple months, when I was thru chemo and radiation, but he saw that as sweeping it under the rug. Maybe it was, who knows.
Anyways, I was honest with him and we both agreed that our marriage was over. There wasn't too much talk, just the basics - we're not the right fit, we both want different things, expectations are not being met. It was late adn I was exhausted so I presume we'll talk more about how to proceed.
Sorry if this is a bit long...

What I really want to know, if there's any women out there in the same boat that I can connect with for some emotional support and just to share stories?

Unfortunately, due to some major renovations, and the nonexistant rental market at the moment, we're both having to stay in the house as is until at least September. I know a big weight's been lifted off my shoulders knowing now what we both know - that we're in agreeance that we will separate, but It's going to be rough getting thru the next little bit.
Thanks

inks

My marriage was dicy before DX and at some point during the treatment my hubby said he would help me through treatment but that we would go our different ways after that. We went to counseling twice before radiation but it did not change things drastically. However once everything was over and we got our somewhat normal life back we were more attentive to each others needs. And since the stress was gone things just improved on their own. So for now we are actually better than we were before DX. Don't write your marriage off just yet, be kind to one another during treatment, bite your tongue if you have to and maybe it's not the end of your relationship. Cancer is just so stressful. Hugs.

Silver_Lining

Thank you inks. I will take your advice about being kind to heart, as I do think that's so very important at this time.

KikiCole

hi Silver_lining, have been thinking about you & wondering how you are doing? I'm in a similar position but the other way around, my DH left me 3 weeks ago. I can relate to your story & hope you getting on well & are happy. Sending you much love, strength & health. xxx

macb04

Hi silver-lining, I feel like I could have Written much of what you said. Seems like every few days my husband and I are angry, not talking or interacting in a normal way.If we "make up " it's because the tension of not talking gets to me, and I try and get our stalled communications working again, even when it his fault. We are really broke, the medical stuff is wreaking our fiances and we fight about money a lot. I Iove my husband,but more and more feel that being together hurts me. If I wasn't worried about being impoverished while trying to raise my 10 and 12 year old DD's, I think I would go for being a single parent. I don't really want to be alone, scared will never find someone to really love me again, definitely couldn't face dating with a bc history and looking so scarred and ugly. Maybe after finish reconstruction won't be so bad to look at and then I won't be so reliant on my husbands insurance. Just wish I didn' t feel trapped right now, the stress is sometimes so high that I can't sleep.