Contralateral Breast - Six Month Waiting Game on Microcalcs

Teddy88

Good Morning, All:

I was diagnosed in January 2014 with a 5mm tubular cancer with very high ER+ and PR+ properties. I had a lumpectomy, and subsequent series of 16 sessions of radiation. My Ki67 score was very low. All of the doctors and nurses at the hospital commented that tubulars are rarely "repeat visitors." (No matter what anyone says - all of you here know that cancer of any kind causes head spinning and anxiety of a very particular order.) I have thus far declined tamoxifen or AI's (50 year old range.)

Last November, six months past radiation, my contralateral breast mammo showed loosely grouped microcalcifications. BiRad 3 was assigned and an MRI was suggested. My radiologist, whom I love, scared the bejeezus out of me when she told me that I had this new worry that we had to monitor. (Couldn't we just be done with this "shite" for one lifetime?) I was "invited" back for a six month mammogram -- yesterday -- and was told that the microcalcifications have stayed stable and remain a BiRad 3. I also did the MRI recently, and all was fine.

The radiologist tells me that the area is so small and so faint that it would be a bear to biopsy. I think I can / should live with a watch and wait there - but to be candid - this six month check yesterday was deeply frightening and sucked the life out of me for weeks prior. It's really hard for me to tell my friends and family how afraid I am, and how much this health issue impacts my life. I like to pretend that all is well, but I find that hypochondria, anxiety and all kinds of extra stuff seems to come out of the woodwork when cancer and its monitoring are on the agenda. I am the major $ support in the family and work at a very hard job in professional services -- 70 hours plus per week. Work and health currently = a non peaceful me.

The first thing I said to DH when we left the doctor was - "Oh now we can think about a vacation." -- I had no idea how much I was holding my breath about enjoying life til I knew what we were looking at here.

I guess my question is: how do we manage life when the fear is equal to or at times worse than the physical demands of illness? Anyone successfully find ways to deal with this and carry on and decrease worry? I also am aware that people bear burdens every day that are far more complicated and urgent. That makes me want to keep my expression of worry to myself. Do you know of any resources that help deal with those issues?

On the physical side, I think I will go back to the MO for a discussion on Tamoxifen (history of arthritis makes AI's less of an option.) If anyone would like to share a view on the watch and wait / push for biopsy -- would love to hear your views.

And finally - I think I really understand why people - who have a choice - might opt for a mastectomy the minute this business comes knocking at the door. No one tells you - and they should - that the emotional impact of this disease is the piece that we need to grapple with as much as the physical. I guess that is what links us together in many ways here.

Thanks so much for being "there" and listening. All of your thoughts and advice most welcome.

xxoo Teddy.