I'm falling apart. Can't handle all of this

Katie00

Please somebody pm me. I have two small children and one of them has special needs with no family around. I thought I was prepared for the news today. Obviously I'm not.  My heart is breaking.

inks

You can do this, this is just temporary. Once you start treatment and cancer is out of your body you will breathe easier. If your kids are little they will not remember anything about this. My daughter was 18months when I was diagnosed and now at 3yo she does not remember that I used to not have any hair.

Jeeper4

Katie, I just PM'd you. I don't think we are ever truly prepared for it. It is so tough especially when the kids are young. I hope you can reach out to family members and/or friends to help during this time. hugs.

Katie00

Thank you ladies. I am so grateful that I found this site. I don't feel as isolated because of all the messages I got from you wonderful women. I wish I could give each one of you a big hug. I'm glad I reached out for your support. I usually have the tendency to keep to myself but this time I really needed to talk to somebody who would understand.

MikaJ

We're all stronger than we think, it seems. I've been diagnosed but the extent is unknown and it totally feels like the world is ending AND I'M NOT READY FOR THE WORLD TO END. And of course, the thing is, the world's not ending - lots and lots and LOTS of women have gone through what we're going through, and are now living long and happy lives and sharing their strength with us. You'll get through this, I'll get through this, and our kids will have the best mommas around for years and years to come. BIG HUGS!

Nancy2581

hi Katie - the beginning of this is the absolute worst part. It feels like somebody pulled the rug out from under you. I was a mess. Thank God for Farmerlucy on this site. She gave me her phone number and I called her when I found out my tumor was nearly twice the size they said it was and I had lymph node involvement. She was the best and still checks in on me. Once I had a plan it got easier. I was scared to death of chemo, but it wasn't as horrible as I thought. Honestly I feel better now than I did right before my diagnosis.

You can do this. If I can do it anybody can lol

Hugs

Nancy

cindytollison46

I found out tht last September tht I had metastasis breast cancer. It was the worse day of my life. The one thing tht I was scared of was starting chemo. My Dr put me on taxatire, perjeta, an herceptin. The only side effects I felt were being very sleepy, but the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th treatment I didn't feel as sleepy so, if you are going or receiving chemo right now, let me know how you're doing. I've got 2 more to go, my last one is may 22nd..when I first found out my tumor marker was 3000, but after my 2nd round of chemo it dropped to 300..I give god all the credit, if god will drop one more zero, I will be perfect, bc 30 is perfect.

Katie00

Hi Cynthia

I tried to send you a private message but I was not allowed. I will try tomorrow.

Thank you

PoppyK

Katie, I'm sorry you received this news. In almost all cases of bc, you have time to explore your treatment options and meet with surgeons (breast, plastic), radiation oncologists and so on. If you are feeling so anxious, ask your doctor about anti-anxiety meds. When I was first diagnosed, I couldn't think clearly and ultimately had a panic attack in the grocery store. I wasn't a big "medicine taker", but the meds allowed me to think, and make good, informed decisions about my treatment.

It's normal to want the cancer out.... NOW! But keep in mind, that you have options. Lumpectomy with rads and Mastectomy with rads are equally effective treatments.

One step at a time! Where do you live? Most facilities have support for their patients. So does the cancer society. Do you attend church? They can also be a source of support.

I know it's overwhelming right now, especially since you have a lot on your plate with your young children. I have 3 boys in the house. I kept it simple and truthful when talking to them about my cancer. The youngest didn't really no what cancer was. I told them that it would be a while before my treatment was complete, but that I was expected to be okay when it was all over.

I hope you are feeling a bit better now.

Hugs, Poppy

Trvler

I am so sorry you have to be here. But we are HERE for you. Please use us. There are many chemo support groups and the wonderful part of them is, they are 24/7 and you can use them whenever you need them. I know the news is devastating. But you will get through it. One day at a time.

Do you have a path report yet?

How old are your children? There are a lot of women on here who have small children and will talk with you. (My kids are are bit older 9 and 11).

Big hugs to you.

Kayrem

Hi Katie - when I was first diagnosed ( June 2011) my kids were 5 and 7. They had just watched my dad die 10 months earlier from metatastic lung cancer. They did not understand that not all cancers are the same. I did the same as earlier poster, I kept it simple. I told them that I would do everything the doctors told me to do in order to get better but I never told them that I would not die. They never asked. I only kept it simple and positive.

Now almost 4 years later my daughter does not remember all the things that happened to me. I have used almost all the time since then to fill their heads with good memories ( not enough room for the bad).

The worst time after finding my lumps was the time between then and starting chemo. I was so scared and sad. I really felt all alone for the first 1.5 months, then a close friend was diagnosed with the same cancer (triple negative) and then I really felt bad. But here I am almost 4 years later planning my summer.

If you do not have family close by, tell friends. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes it comes from the strangest places. My husbands family did nothing to help until his second cousin (whom he had not spoken to in years) showed up at our door with his wife kids and a weeks worth of meals. Then they asked if we needed anything and we did need help!!

When something like this happens we think we have no time, but we do. You will be where I am soon enough, unfortunately you just have to get through some really crappy months ahead.

Take care Kate and take heart, things will get better.

Trvler

That's a nice post, Kayrem. Especially about creating good memories for your kids.

christmasgirl1960

Hi Katie: just read your post. How are you doing today? You'll find lots of support from the wonderful ladies (and men) on this site. Please update us when you can because we care.

Hugs.

caligirl3

Katie: I'm so sorry you are going through this. Just wanted to post that I am thinking about you and as everyone else has said, am here to offer you support. I know how frightening it is to be diagnosed.

Scottiemom11

Katie 00

I am mom to two special needs kids (both ASD), and we have no help. Haven't for years. I know how you feel. I was diagnosed last Oct. right at the start of BC awareness month at my youngest's school. MIL was supposed to come for my surgery but backed out less than two weeks before. Dh and I managed. We were blessed to have friends who brought meals.

Telling the kids was not easy but I was very honest and told them if they had questions to ask me, not their friends or someone else. They did have questions, though not right away.

I blog about special needs parenting (when I have time) and have started adding the BC factor into my posts. It took awhile but I feel like I am finally gaining control one baby step at a time. When I feel overwhelmed, I take a deep breath and remind myself that I am blessed.

Sending you hugs and prayers,

Scottie