Relationship Problems

physicslove

So.. my mom was diagnosed with fourth stage breast cancer in the beginning of my freshman year in high school and it has been more than three years now that she has been fighting it. She had surgery but since it had metastasized to her spine and just recently her pelvic there is not much they could do for it. I know she is probably stressed and worried but she keeps taking it out on me and my younger sister. She doesn't physically hurt us but she just gets irritated and angry easily. When she has the slightest problem she starts to yell and then my dad also starts yelling ay us. Plus he and my mom also argue all the time about the smallest things, like when she cannot find some food item then he finds it and they argue about it for like another 2 hours. Whenever I try talking to her or sharing anything I have read she yells at me to do my homework or calls up her parents or her sister while I'm talking. And she is always calling them like more than once a day and yelling at my sister and I to go do our homework.

I guess I just wanted to know like what she could be feeling and how I can connect with her.

jacksnana

Oh sweetie, I'm sure your mom is not mad at you or your sister, just probably feeling frustrated at the situation and things that feel out of her control. You're really good at writing, maybe you could write a letter or card to your mom expressing your feelings. I've found it easier to put things into writing sometimes, and also your mom could read it at a time when she's not as upset. This is a hard time for your whole family. Maybe you could talk to a counselor at school or a minister at church who could suggest ways to help you and your family communicate and become closer. I'll pray for your mom and your family, wishing you all the best.

Moderators

Physicslove-

We want to welcome you to our community here at BCO. We're so sorry for what brings you here, but we're glad you've joined us, and hope you find the support and advice you're looking for.

Cancer is hard on families. Your mom is likely experiencing a lot of different emotions: anger, depression, fear, anxiety. Cancer can be all-consuming, even if she doesn't want it to be. It's hard on her, but also on you and your sister and dad, and that can get lost in trying to get through each day. Have you spoken to her about how you're feeling? She may also be calling her parents and sister to talk to them about her cancer, because she doesn't want to burden you or scare you. Parents lots of times will try to shield their kids from what they think they can't understand. Talking to her and letting her know that you're there and want to be involved and support her might help you both.

Also, maybe talk to your dad about seeing someone and talking about how you're doing, and how you're being affected by your mom's diagnosis. It's important to have a place to speak freely and openly about how this affects you. We have a forum for support people, family, and caregivers that you might want to read through, you'll find some really helpful information there: https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/16.

Please let us know how you're getting on, and use these forums as much as you need. You'll be in our thoughts!

The Mods