My mom just got diagnosed with BC, I am scared to death.

Sma25

Hello,

I am new here, been reading through some of the topics. This is an amazing site btw.

I just found out mid last week that my mother has breast cancer. I have been crying my eyes out..

Everything is just in a big fog .. she went to her regular check and there it was.. the cancer is big, bigger than 5 cm and has spread to her underarm lump nodes. That is what we know for now. We do not know the staging yet or if it has spread any further ..we will get the results on Monday.. My mom suspects the worst..

She went to a check in 2013.. the doctor found the lump then and said it was nothing to worry about and that she did not need to have it removed.. that's why she didnt. I did not know about this until last week. I would have told her to get a second opinion back in 2013 if I had known about this. I am so mad at the doctor.. and the doctor that noticed the cancer last week was in complete shock that it had not been removed in 2013, before it became cancerous..

She is so mad at her self, and it is so hard to watch her in total self blame state.. I live about 7 hours away.. I will go visit my family next week and spend time with them.. but I am so terrified that this is already stage IV .. I just can't breathe.

My father is in complete shock and calls me and cries on the phone, and it is so hard for me, I try to encourage him .. but all I want to do is burst in to tears my self, but I try to but on a brave face both for him and my mother. He tells me that it's so difficult to watch her suffer and don't be able to do anything about it.. and I try to tell him that we all feel that way. This is a process and it will take some time to get used to the idea that my mother, my rock, has cancer. My mother assumes the worst and is being very negative, she is so angry at the doctor back in 2013, she went multiple times to visit the doctors last summer cause she had so much pain in her chest, they said it was nothing. It is difficult not to scream when you think about all this.. She doesn't like to talk about serious things, so we often talk about something else at first, but then I start to talk about the C word .. she opened up to me a little bit yesterday, and I know that it will take some time. My mom and dad will see a priest very soon to talk about this pain and communication during this process.. So I am glad that they are going to talk with somebody.. cause my mother like I've said doesn't like to talk much.. but I know that she needs to. She is absolutely sure that the cancer has spread and I am so terrified.. but I want to be strong for her, I just don't know if I can .. just feel like I can collapse at any moment and I know that I shouldn't think like this, but I am so afraid that I am going to loose her, she is just 50 years old, I need her, she is my everything!

ElaineTherese

Sma25,

I'm sorry to hear about your Mom's diagnosis. To hear that a loved one has cancer is a very scary thing. Things will get better once you know the extent of the cancer and her treatment plan. Your mom's situation sort-of reminds me of my own. Last summer, I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma; my lump was 5 cm+ and it had spread to one lymph node. But, my PET scan showed that it hadn't spread beyond that. I did five months of chemo, and an MRI and PET scan showed no active cancer. I got a lumpectomy and ALND, and my pathology report confirmed that I had no active cancer left.

But, even if your Mom's cancer HAS spread to another part of her body, there are plenty of ladies here who live for years with stage IV cancer. Through treatments, some show no evidence of disease (NED). Others manage to stabilize their mets through treatment. In other words, even if your Mom is stage IV, she may have many good years left.

Moderators

We're with you too. There are many treatment options to breast cancer. Find out the information about diagnosis and treatment. There are a lot of different things that can be done. Please keep us posted.

Sma25

Thank you guys so much for the kind and reassuring comments. English is not my first language so I am sorry if there are some errors

I know that she is beginning to surround her with good people and talking to others in the family who have dealt with cancer at some point amd some of them still are +20 years in .. So I think that is a good sign. I know that the positivity counts so I will try to lift up my mothers spirit as often as I can she is also starting to think about diet and excersie. She is a very fit person and very active and eats very healthy so she has that helping her as well It is just hard to see your parent scared, but I know that things will get better and we will all get more calm along this journey. The most important thing is that she knows that we are with here 100% all the way.

NATSGSG

@sma25:

I'm so sorry about your mom. I really am...I have just posted a topic entitled IF YOU ARE WAITING, please let me to share my experience here, just for situations like yours. If you have the time, please read it. The more knowledgeable you are about cancer, the less fearful you will be, and the more you can help and guide your mom and dad through this journey. You will be strong for them. I know you will. You will cry the tears, but you can move on and help them. It is not an impossible task, my dear. It may seem so now, but it is not. The fact you cared enough to come here already shows the strength you possess. Be brave now, young lady, be brave....Take care of yourself, and your parents....It is not the end of the world, okay?

NATSGSG

Here's another link for you to read some more information so you will understand more, and be less afraid.

https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/147/topic/831074?page=1#idx_1