For the "alternative types" among us...

Cheesequake

This is no place to beat around the bush, so I just thought I'd ask. Are any of the members here kinky, sexually adventurous, or even just not-quite-vanilla? My husband and I are, very much so, and my fear for our sex life - a major aspect of my life and marriage - looms large as surgery and treatment approach. It's bad enough when "normal" people have to deal with breast cancer. How do kinky couples - people for whom creative sexual interaction is a daily necessity, like sleep or food - work around such debilitating circumstances?

I haven't discussed my fear at all yet with my husband. I joined the breast cancer survivor/support group on Fetlife, but so far have just been lurking - the discussion there seems to just scratch the surface.

Someone needs to write a book on kinky breast cancer.

Maybe I just found my calling?!

Cheesequake

posted this so late last night I thought I'd bump it for the kinky types that may have missed it....

justmaximom15

I don't think you have to be kinky, alternative or even "not vanilla" to have a sex life that is a major aspect of your relationship. It certainly is a big part of my relationship with my significant other and I have already talked to him about my fear of what will happen if I lose my "mojo" or I'm just too tired. He makes jokes a lot but he's assured me that we'll deal with it.

Cheesequake

Apologies, I didn't mean to imply that sex is not as important to other people. In my experience, kinky people spend more time on sexual activity in general. In our case, 10-20 hours per week, give or take. It's our primary activity when we have free time. Not sure if other people invest that much time on it - I certainly didn't in my previous vanilla marriage.

What it all boils down to is a fear that treatment is going to make me "not me" anymore. I can't bear that.

Larkspur

How about bondage using pink ribbons?

Cheesequake

Just stay away from the silk shibari cuffs sold in gift shops - they look all soft and sweet, but if used improperly can cause temporary nerve damage to the hands and wrists. We have enough nerve problems!!

debiann

Prior to my dx we had a great sex life. I don't know what flavor to call it, but we certainly had a lot of fun. I  lost all intetest in sex during chemo because I felt like crap. For the most part I lost all interest in everything except complaining about how crappy I felt, lol. My DH was very supportive and understanding during this time. He took over all the chores and took care of me. 

 Then I had my bmx and diep recon and felt like I was run over by a bus.I got "drop foot" from the surgery and needed a few months of PT. I went back to work after only 5 weeks and doing that literally took all my energy. I'd come home and go right to bed. Again, the DH remained supportive and loving.

Its now one year since this nightmare began and my energy is back along with my mojo. My lady parts need a little more lube, and my body feels a bit weak and out of shape, but we're getting back to our normal. We recently bought a hot tub that added an extra spark!

So yes, cancer screwed up my sex life temporarily, but it also allowed me to see what an incredibly wonderful DH I have and it has truly brought us closer.