Scared that my mom's cancer will come back

amy112309

My mom was diagnosed with Stage II cancer in July. Initially, they thought removing the tumor would be sufficient due to it not spreading to nodes, but more testing showed that her cancer was very aggressive and with everything taken into consideration, her risk of distant recurrence was very high (Oncotype test result was like 40+ score). She has since had surgery, completed 4 out of 6 rounds of chemo (refused the remaining- she physically could NOT go on and was hospitalized with WBC at .08), 8 weeks of radiation, and takes a hormone pill (can't recall exact name).

She feels like she is done- in the clear- but I cannot stop worrying about her. She ended chemo in January but has yet to regain much energy. She is sick with a cold/virus and has been for weeks- she thinks it is "just a cold" but I can't help always relating everything back to cancer. And worrying about recurrence. I would never tell her this because I know she just wants to put it all behind her and think positive. But I just can't.

Any advice on how to move forward and stop worrying about my young (and young-at-heart) mom? She's only 60 but I feel like she has aged 20 years throughout all of this and I'm so scared of losing her.

Thanks!

YoungTurkNYC

Hi amy,

I am 43 - diagnosed at 40.  Same exact stage as your mom, including an oncotype of 48, and same exact treatments (except that I did finish the chemo).  There is nothing we can do to change our lot in life.  What happened has happened.  I have difficulty moving forward myself, and I think it is a gift that your mom has been able to move forward.  Please do not worry, and do not tell her anything. Her attitude and future outlook are admirable and very important for her overall survival and quality of life.

Moderators

HI Amy,

We are glad that you reached out to our community. We are sorry about your mom's breast cancer and the fear that it holds for you. You are in good company with many daughters, family members and friends who have loved ones who have gone through the diagnosis of cancer. The fear of recurrence is a common side effect of the disease for many. You are wise to recognize that your fears may not be the same as hers at the present moment. Here is some information on our site about managing The Fear of Recurrence. This is a good forum to receive support and ideas from other caregivers. Stay connected here and keep us posted. The Mods

amy112309

Thank you. I am glad that I reached out. I have no doubt that my mom is worried as well, but she keeps it all in, to herself. She does not like to talk about it and just wants it all to go away and to feel better. I think that part of the reason that I am so afraid is that I know that if it does come back, she will refuse most treatment- there is absolutely no way she'd do any more chemo.

Thanks again for listening!

amy112309

BereavedDaughter-

Thank you for your words of wisdom. All that you said is spot on. I'm so very sorry for your loss.