April 2015 Chemo Crew... Starting in April? Please join us!

lemonadehk

Lynne, what a beautiful and brave girl you have!! You must be so proud of her!

lovlilynne

Ok, so I have a new symptom to report - difficulty swallowing? I noticed it after first treatment. A friend had provided M&C casserole for our dinner. Food would get to the back of my throat, but it wouldn't slide down. I had to swallow and swallow, then wash it down with ice tea. I thought maybe because this particular M&C was very cheesy and thick, it was causing it.

FF to tonight's dinner, and same thing. Pork chops, au gratin potato, and green bean casserole - all would get stuck at the back of my throat. Weird.

Last time it lingered into the second day, but because I was eating much less, it didn't bother me as much.

What's the saying? "Chemo, the gift that keeps on giving."

Lynne

lemonadehk

Stephmoen, Happy belated birthday! It's great that you can finally go home and celebrate your birthday at home!

lemonadehk

Lynne, I also have problems with my throat since chemo. I always feel like the throat is swollen and scratchy. I read that chemo drugs work on the rapidly growing cells in the throat (as well as in the mouth. that's why one common SE is ulcer in the mouth). Maybe your difficulty in swallowing is related to that. I now sometimes gargle with salt water. It seems to help a bit.

lemonadehk

Ladies, I think I am depressed. It's been almost a week since my AC#3. The SEs were similar to last round, heart burn, nausea, fatigue. But the fatigue is much more manageable this time, probably because of the blood transfusion I had prior to the chemo. But I am officially depressed... I don't feel like talking to anyone. I don't reply emails or answer phone calls from friends. All I could say when they ask how I am doing is I am OK. They have no idea what I am going through physically and psychologically. I am jealous that they could still live a normal life. How can I get out of this depression?

Positive_spirit

Lovlilynne - you have an amazing daughter. Wow...just brought tears to my eyes in seeing her love for you. What a beautiful, courageous girl - at 9, she has done what so many others lack courage to do. She inspires me! Thank you for sharing!

lemonadehk - I am sorry you are feeling so blue. This is really hard, all of it and you are reacting normally to trauma. Having breast cancer, cancer, going through treatment is traumatic. I know exercise helps me, as well as hydrating, but I also see a therapist because I know I can't handle it all right now. I also am on atavan which reduces anxiety and is prescribed by my oncologist. Mindful practices, such as yoga and deep breathing, have been a life saver and this was not something I did before cancer. Talk it out with us as well...sending you a big hug!

mysunshine48

Kn

Kbeee - Thank you for answering my question about the port.

Because of this site, I am feeling better.

mysunshine48

lemonadehk - I am sorry you are feeling sad and depressed. I have not started chemo yet, but I understand. I don't know if you are a praying person or not, but I am getting through this with God's help. Try asking for strength and help to feel better and get through this difficult time in your life. I read a devotional book every day......nothing heavy. It is called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. You have to ask for help. And, call your doctor and ask for an antidepressant. I have taken Lexapro in the past and it helped. NO side effects for me, just started feeling better. So, take action.....ask for God's help and help from your doctor for a mild antidepressant. You will fell better. I will say a prayer for you tonight. A big hug to you

Positive_spirit

mysunshine4… I have the same book as you! And it inspires me with messages for every day (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young) - my mother's friend gave it to me. It helps me, too.

mysunshine48

Yes! I love it and is so good for all of us going through experience.

lovlilynne

lemonadehk - if you are in a spiral, I think it's very difficult to get out of it without professional help. You need to see a therapist. If you are not having daily anxiety attacks and/or weeping, you may be able to climb out without using drugs, but if you need them, that is what they are there for.

All the suggestions we will give you I'm sure you've already thought about - make your self get out of the house, go for a walk, meet with friends, write a journal, etc. If you cannot get yourself to do one thing every day, then you need to make that one thing professional help.

Personally, I don't believe in God. I was raised a Catholic, and I know that religion well, and I know about others, but religion is not for me either. I do see how it can be very uplifting and the social aspects and the support you can get from a religious community appears to be a very good thing.

Loving, healing thoughts coming your way.

Lynne

littleblueflowers

lemonadehk...that sux that you are feeling depressed. Do you have a therapist? Sometimes I just go cry on mines couch for an hour, because I have to be strong the rest of the time. The only thing that I can add to everyone else's excellent suggestions is music. When I'm really down I listen to some pretty agressive stuff to get my fighting spirit going again. Anything from old school rock or metal to hip hop. Don't know what you like, but you can't go wrong with a dose of adrenaline! Big hugs, sweetie!

littleblueflowers

This poem inspires me every day. When I almost bled out after surgery my mom recited it to me all night while she held my hand in the hospital. Sometimes I just repeat it to myself over and over like a mantra.

littleblueflowers

lynne, yup. Hard to eat, hard to swallow. Soups and smoothies are my life right now. Gah...the gift that keeps on giving indeed!

clarrn

Jumping in from the April 2014 board. I went for my 3 mile walk tonight and thought how I could barely walk down my hallway one year ago during AC. And it was such a great night that I FORGOT for just a moment that I have cancer. Even with a wound vac due to recon issues, I felt really great. Last year I wasn't sure if I would ever feel like that again, so for anyone having a rough go of it remember that you WILL feel strong and healthy again. You are getting through it, one moment at a time.

KBeee

Ankledolphin, What a coincidence; my friend posted that song yesterday! I have listened to it several times!

ksusan, I love your picture. Some people can really rock the bald look; they just look so good. You are definitely one of those people. Wow! You look great!

Lynne, that throat issue sounds really uncomfortable. Let MO next time you see him/her, and if it worsens, call sooner.

lemonade, thanks for cheeking back in with us. It is easy to feel overwhelmed and depressed with all we have to deal with. We are here for you to share, vent, and a virtual shoulder for you to cry on. Definitely let MO know how you are feeling so he/she can put you in touch with someone or prescribe something to get you over the hump. ((((hugs))))

littleblue, love the poem! Wow, running and packing! You rock! I am glad you are feeling better and hope the next round is gentler on you. Be sure to round up all of your friends to help you move. Yu sit in a chair with your feet up and just point people in directions of where they should put the boxes. Order pizza and beer, and let others help...remember that people do want to help.

clarm, thanks for checking in. The reminder that this is a temporary life detour is a good one that we all need to hear from time to time.

Round 3 went pretty good for me last week. The IV fluids did help keep my BP from dropping quite as low. Thursday night through Saturday were my rougher days...queasier this time, and general blaah feeling. Not as bad as it could be, so thankful for that. Thankfully, I was still able to do education presentations at work, get to my kids' events, and get basic things done around the house. I was just more queasy and dog tired by the end of the day. I was lots better by Sunday though. I found out last night that DH is going to be out of town on the day of AC #4. But he never told me. I only found out when DD came home beaming about an award she won and a lunch ceremony the day of that chemo. I was beyond pissed that he did not tell me (I still am, as you can probably tell). I was able to move my chemo to 8 AM. My friend who is bringing me to chemo is dropping me at the lunch and another friend is bringing me home from the lunch. That friend will get my DD from school to the lunch (her daughter is going as well). It takes a village sometimes. It just irks me that DH never bothered to tell me he's going to be out of town, and that I had to make all of these arrangements on my own.

SueH58

Lemonade, I bet each and every one of has has been there. I found something online yesterday that talked aobut the emotions of cancer--almost identical to grief of loss. Anger, sadness, depression, etc. I was feeling similarly last week, and Theresa wrote one of her many inspiring e-mails in response. If you can make an attempt to do something for yourself, it may help pull you out of your funk. I had tea with my best friend and felt elated. But if you're not ready for people yet (and I DO understand that), maybe go for a drive, or a little walk, or stop at Starbucks for a favorite beverage. Today it's rainy here so I'm going to the bookstore to research hummingbird gardens. Sometimes it's just so hard to take the first step because you're a tangled web of emotions (anger, sadness, resentment, etc.), but once you do it's one step in front of the other. Try to do one small thing out of the house today and let us know if it helps.

P.S. My sister-in-law texted me a few days after my treatment and asked what was the most difficult thing. I snidely replied "Having Cancer!" Not up for repeating every little detail of discomfort. And, while I know her intentions are good, I don't need daily texts asking how my day was.

Hugs,

Sue

Karen30

day 4 post AC#2 and still shaky and tired - feel ok lying down but upright not so good. Anyway I keep reminding myself that hopefully I will start to bounce back in the next day or 2 - sorry I haven't been much good at posting- just getting through the day right now- hope you all have a good day with minimal SEs.

KBeee

So one of my Sept 13 Chemo pals posted something on Facebook today...one of those random things. It said, "pick up the closest book. Turn to page 45. Read the first sentence. It describes your life today." I never do those things. But I did. The sentence was "He comprehended this slowly." So.... earlier today, after being totally mad at DH for not telling me he was going out of town on chemo day, I looked at his schedule at the fire department. He works full time at a college, but is on the FD part time. He was working there 3 nights next week (AC #4 week)...in addition to going out of town for a day and a half...basically was going to be gone all day and night all week. Suffice it to say I lost it. I sent him a scathing e-mail and then totally lost it on the phone...pretty much said it was disrespectful and cruel. Needless to say, he is at least cutting back on his hours and will make sure I know about future out of town trips, rather than just springing them on me. So when I read "he comprehended this slowly", I totally laughed for about the next 10 minutes. It totally summed up my morning. DH is a brilliant man, but sometimes lacks a little common sense and needs to be reminded that parenting and cancer are both team sports...not individual ones. Thankfully after laying into him and getting it off my chest and then a very long walk, I feel a thousand times better.

Karen, I hope things turn the corner soon. Will your MO let you come in for fluids? It really did seem to help me a bit since my blood pressure seemed to plummet on days 3-6. Maybe you can call and ask. If not, I hope there is at least something worthwhile watching on TV to distract you from all things cancer. Feel better soon!

Sue, I get those daily texts from a friend who lives far away. I know she means well and feels helpless, but I agree... while I appreciate knowing how much she cares, sometimes I don't always want to give a play by play. Asking the worst so far is really odd though. Who wants to focus on that??!! I think your response was spot on!

DizzParkMom

Hi! My name is Heather. I am almost 41. I am a Homeschooling mom to an almost 11 year old. I had my first AC chemo on April 21st. I live in Phoenix, but am traveling to Cancer Treatment Centers in Illinois for treatment with my husband. My mom has virtually moved in to help with my son. (Thank Goodness!)

I am doing neo adjuvant 4 x AC and then 4 x Taxotere/ Carboplatin. I am IDC Grade 3 Triple Neg. No nodes known to be involved. After chemo, I will do double mastectomy. Going into chemo, I thought that I was going to "rock it". I was in the best shape of my life. My diet has been it's best ever and my body was at its strongest thanks to my exercise routine. What I thought I was going to "rock" has knocked me on my behind.

The neulasta pain was by far the most pain I have ever experienced. Once I got beyond that, I thought I was getting my legs back under me and on day 8 ended up in the ER neutropenic with a nearly 103 fever. 4 nights in the hospital...multiple rounds of preventative IV antibiotics, more neulasta type shots and the pain that came along with them, and a little ruckus over elevated liver enzymes. I came home Sunday morning with my wbc over 11,000 and felt great. Monday afternoon, I started running another fever. ??? Told by Dr to treat with Motrin and Tylenol as there was no way I was neutropenic again.

Fever is gone this morning and I'm feeling a little better. I'm hating night sweats, headaches... hair aches. Before chemo, I had cut my long red hair shorter, dyed it black, pink, and blue. The idea was that I controlled the loss of my hair. My hair has been gone for nearly 3 weeks. "This" hair was jumping ship this morning, so I've just finished having my husband clip it all down to a 2. Even though I thought it was coming it's still hard...but I guess it's just one more part to get through.

I'm trying to read through the forum to get to know the group, but I feel like I am late to the party.

Heather

gingeel

Hi ladies, sorry I've been MIA. I realized that I didn't want to completely immerse myself in all things cancer, which sounds stupid, maybe, but it actually made me feel "normal". Like Lemonade, I was in a dark place after my first round of AC, and it was a very icky feeling aside from the physical side effects, it was not a fun place for my mind. So, after 4, 5 days of fatigue, I felt like myself again.....and pretended that none of this was going on. That was my way of coping. And damn! I think the last time I left off we had 25 pages, now we are up to 39! Don't know if I can catch up, but I wanted to say hi, and let you all know I'm thinking of you.

I've got #2 tomorrow. Hopefully, it will go as I expect. Gonna try to be counterproductive this time with the SE's. Hair is starting to thin.....I haven't cut it yet, but there is hair all over my bathroom floor when I brush, shower, etc. I noticed a little tenderness in my scalp in some places, so I'm sure it'll happen this week, maybe?

I also got my period! That was the one SE that I was hoping would happen right away, but maybe next month will be it. Who knows. It just sucks not being able to wear tampons. I loathe pads! So, I've caught you up with my life. Hope everyone is doing great. xoxo

KBeee

Heather, Welcome! Sorry you have to be here, but glad you've found us. This is a really long party, so you are not late. We're all in it for the long haul. Sorry that first round of AC was so horrible for you. I hope the others are not as bad, and that they watch your blood numbers more carefully. Are you taking Claritan for the bone pain? It's recommended to take the day before Neulasta, the day of, and for several days after. I have spring allergies, so I just take it every day. When is your next chemo? You've found a great group of gals here.

Gingeel, I hope round 2 goes fine for you. I like feeling normal on my good days too! Anything I can do to escape the cancer world for a while helps!

Leighrh

Poping in from March chemo group but I just had to ask Gingeel..... Why are you not using tampons?  I unfortunately have continued with my period through out all this and my MO has never said anything about tampons!  I even started the on the day of my first AC.  Just curious??

ThePrincess

If we are not allowed to use tampons I may just actually burst into tears. COME ON already, is what we have to deal with NOT ENOUGH?

DizzParkMom

Karen, thank you for the welcome. I did take Claritin the same day as my neulasta shot (after...since they only told me as I was getting the shot). The 2 shots in the hospital...I asked for it as I had been told it would help, but they said they didn't follow the practice as it was not verified to be necessary. From now on, I plan to start the Claritin the day of chemo and take for 4 days. Oh...in addition to a Colace as I had a real problem with that as well. I feel like there is so much I know now that it can only get better...!!!???

ksusan

Good morning, April women. I'm pretty fatigued, so I'm telling you that I'm going to walk for 1.5 hours right now. I will report back later!

ksusan

I'm back! I walked 105 minutes at 2.6 MPH on the treadmill.

GingerChi

Welcome Heather! My treatment will be going on for months, so you aren't late to the party at all. So sorry to hear you had such a rough time the first go round!! Hope everything improves from here on!

ksusan, loved your pic, you look great..congrats on that walk!!! Wow!!!

Littleblue, I feel for you having to move during all this, oh my!! Happy that you are feeling well enough to jog and pack, etc. Yes I agree, you should be supervising on moving day! lol

Lynne, your daughter is awesome! She'll always remember how she was able to share the experience with you in such a special way!

karen30, Its taking me a longer time to bounce back this round too. I felt the SE havent been as bad as treatment 1, but its taking longer for the fatigue to go away.

Lemonade, I'm so sorry for how you're feeling. I agree with the other advice given, especially talking to your MO. Getting out helps me. I have 2 doggies that love to walk, so that motivates me to get outdoors even when I don't feel like it. Most importantly....it makes me feel stronger once I accomplish something (such as talking them for a walk) that I pushed myself to do. I also drug myself to a garden center and bought some pretty flowers to plant around my mailbox. It makes me a special kind of happy to watch flowers grow. One of my friends gave me a Blessings Jar before I started treatment...along with some slips of paper. The idea is to write something which has blessed me on a slip every day and put the slips in the jar....when I'm feeling blue, I open the jar and read. For me, its a reminder that I am loved and people care, and that God works through my friends and family to help me along this journey. I know these are all small things, but they give me strength.

Kbee, How can men be so oblivious at times? I know you had to be at wits end! Glad you guys sorted it out...then got a chuckle in the end!!!

I also am using the devotional "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young! I was given 3 copies of it from different friends. I guess it was meant for me to have it!! lol If anyone is interested in my extra copies, PM me your address and I'd be happy to share!

gingeel

I didn't actually get the word from my MO, but I read it on one of the "cancer packets"......of course now I can't find it, but I guess it's to prevent infections.

thsizit7

Hi Everyone,

Made my 5:45 am appt and got my port put in yesterday, it's a little sore but not as bad as I expected! No range of motion issues. I have to drive 112 miles to get to my Drs and chemo, so I slept all the way home and was sleepy the rest of the day! Don't know what they gave me, because when I had my lumpectomy, I was wired up the whole day and didn't sleep a wink! At my normal bedtime I took my sleeping pill and a pain pill and slept like a baby. Woke up this morning full of energy! I left the house and went on a hunt for plants, found what I was looking for and will get my handyman to plant them for me tomorrow! I can't believe I feel so good!!! God is sure blessing me each day. I'm about to go to my 10 year old grandson's ballgame and it's also his birthday, so my daughter is having a family party at our favorite local Mexican restaurant after the game. It's tradition since he was born on Cinco De Mayo! I am so thankful that the SE"s have not happened yet! I'm just taking one day at a time...

Happy Birthday Stephmoen!

lovlilynn - Your daughter is precious and I'm so glad you let her support you in this way! and BTW my oncologist said it was ok to have a glass of wine occasionally.

It's been a beautiful day here in Mississippi too!

Hope everyone has a good night!